13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success

Chapter 2 argues that allowing other people to dictate one’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors relinquishes personal power and undermines mental strength. Morin illustrates this point with the story of Lauren, whose overbearing mother-in-law, Jackie, repeatedly intruded on family time and undermined Lauren’s authority. With the help of a therapist, Lauren discovered that, although she spent only a few hours a week with Jackie, she devoted an equal amount of mental energy to resenting her. Realizing that this resentment gave Jackie control over her mood, sleep, and relationships, Lauren and her husband set firm boundaries—limiting unannounced visits, refusing rude comments, and stopping venting to friends. The change restored her sense of agency and reduced the emotional toll of Jackie’s presence.

The chapter expands the example to broader patterns: People often hand over power by reacting impulsively to criticism, seeking external validation, avoiding uncomfortable emotions, and failing to set limits. When power is ceded, emotions become dependent on external triggers, self-worth hinges on others’ opinions, and life feels like a “roller coaster” of mood swings (39). The author underscores that mental strength involves recognizing these dynamics, reframing the language around them, and consciously choosing one’s responses. Resilient individuals either refuse to grant adversaries emotional leverage or quickly recover after setbacks by refusing to let external judgments define them.

The chapter reflects a classic cognitive-behavioral perspective: Thoughts shape feelings, which drive behavior. Its emphasis on setting boundaries aligns with contemporary research on assertiveness and emotional regulation. Potential bias lies in the assumption that all interpersonal conflict can be resolved through personal boundary work; systemic power imbalances and abusive relationships may require additional resources beyond individual agency. Still, the advice remains relevant, as modern digital communication amplifies opportunities for unsolicited criticism and comparison, making the chapter’s focus on reclaiming internal control especially relevant today.

Chapter Lessons

• Personal power is eroded when one lets others’ actions or opinions dictate one’s emotional states. Reclaiming power begins with recognizing where one’s mental energy is being surrendered.
• Setting clear, respectful boundaries prevents others from gaining undue influence.
• Evaluating feedback critically, considering the source, and deciding whether to act on it protects one’s self-esteem from being contingent on external validation.

Reflection Questions

• In which relationships or daily routines do you notice a disproportionate amount of mental energy being spent on another person’s behavior or approval?
• How might adopting boundary-setting strategies and reframing your language change the way you experience stress and self-worth?