13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success

This chapter examines people-pleasing behavior through the case study of Megan, a 35-year-old mother who habitually said yes to every request from family members, church congregants, and community members. Megan’s inability to set boundaries left her feeling overwhelmed, irritable with her immediate family, and disconnected from her core values. Through therapy, Megan learned that her people-pleasing stemmed from a fear of being perceived as selfish, when ironically, her constant need for approval was itself a self-centered behavior focused on managing others’ perceptions rather than genuinely helping them.

Morin argues that people-pleasing represents an attempt to control others’ emotions and reactions, which is both impossible and counterproductive. The author identifies several psychological roots of this behavior, including fear of conflict, learned patterns from childhood (particularly among children of parents with an alcohol addiction), and misinterpretation of spiritual teachings. This analysis reflects broader themes in contemporary self-help literature that emphasize boundary setting and authentic living, concepts that have gained particular relevance in an era of social media where public approval seeking has intensified.

The chapter presents evidence that people-pleasing damages relationships rather than strengthening them. The author also references research showing that people-pleasers will even compromise their health—such as overeating to make others comfortable—despite having no evidence that their behavior actually affects others’ happiness.