13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success

In this chapter, Morin argues that dwelling on the past prevents individuals from living fully in the present and making meaningful progress toward their goals. The author uses the case study of Gloria, a 55-year-old woman whose guilt over past parenting mistakes led her to enable her adult daughter’s irresponsible behavior. Gloria repeatedly allowed her unemployed 28-year-old daughter to move back home without consequences, believing that this would somehow compensate for the neglect and poor choices she made as a parent years earlier. Through therapy, Gloria learned that self-condemnation about past mistakes was not only failing to change what had already occurred but was actively preventing her from being an effective parent in the present.

Morin identifies several psychological mechanisms that keep people trapped in past-focused thinking. Individuals may unconsciously believe that prolonged suffering serves as penance for past mistakes, or they may fear that moving forward means abandoning loved ones who have died. The author shares her personal experiences with grief following the deaths of her mother and fiancé, describing the temptation to preserve everything exactly as it was in an attempt to maintain connection with the deceased. This tendency to romanticize the past often serves as an escape from present difficulties, whether in relationships, careers, or other life circumstances.