13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success

Morin explores the destructive nature of resentment toward others’ achievements through the case study of Dan, a man whose financial struggles led him to harbor deep bitterness toward his successful neighbors. Dan maintained a facade of prosperity while secretly accumulating debt to keep up appearances. He ultimately sought out therapy when his irritability began affecting his marriage. His resentment stemmed from childhood experiences of poverty and bullying, driving him to prioritize material competition over his core values of family time and financial responsibility.

The author distinguishes resentment from simple jealousy, describing it as both wanting what others have and wanting others not to have it. Morin’s analysis is particularly relevant in contemporary society where social-media platforms create unprecedented opportunities for social comparison, as evidenced by research showing that viewing others’ vacation photos and birthday celebrations can decrease overall life satisfaction.

The chapter reveals how resentment creates a self-destructive cycle: Individuals become so focused on others’ achievements that personal growth stagnates. Morin argues that resentment typically masks deeper insecurities and stems from irrational thinking patterns, including stereotyping successful people as somehow undeserving or immoral. This analysis draws from psychological research demonstrating that people experience genuine pleasure when witnessing the misfortune of those they perceive as privileged, revealing the corrosive nature of class-based resentment.

The author advocates for redefining personal success independently of others’ achievements and emphasizes cooperation over competition. The chapter concludes with practical strategies for addressing resentment, including challenging stereotypes, focusing on personal strengths rather than others’ advantages, and developing authentic relationships based on mutual support rather than competition.

This advice aligns with positive psychology research emphasizing intrinsic motivation and personal growth over external validation. However, the chapter’s focus on individual attitude adjustment may underestimate systemic inequalities that can make economic competition genuinely challenging for some people, particularly those facing significant financial constraints beyond their immediate control.

Chapter Lessons

• Resentment toward others’ success creates a destructive cycle that prevents individuals from focusing on their own goals and values, ultimately hindering personal growth and achievement.
• Most resentment stems from insecurities and irrational thinking patterns, including stereotyping successful people and making unfair comparisons between vastly different life circumstances and choices.
• Cooperation and genuine celebration of others’ accomplishments attract successful people and create opportunities for learning, mentorship, and mutual benefit.
• True contentment comes from defining success according to one’s personal values rather than external standards, allowing individuals to appreciate their unique path without constant comparison to others.

Reflection Questions

• Can you identify areas in your life where you might be measuring your success against others rather than according to your own values and priorities? How might shifting this perspective change your daily decisions and long-term goals?
• Think about someone whose success you’ve felt resentful toward—what specific assumptions or stereotypes might you be making about their journey, and how could learning more about their actual experiences change your perspective?