13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success

“We work hard to do the things that we think will make us better, but we forget to focus on the things that might be sabotaging our efforts.”

This observation highlights a common blind spot in personal development where people focus exclusively on adding beneficial practices while ignoring counterproductive behaviors. The quote suggests that self-awareness about one’s self-sabotaging patterns is the first step toward meaningful change.

“It’s not that people are either mentally strong or mentally weak. We all possess some degree of mental strength, but there’s always room for improvement. Developing mental strength is about improving your ability to regulate your emotions, manage your thoughts, and behave in a positive manner, despite your circumstances.”

Morin reframes mental strength as a skill that exists on a spectrum rather than a fixed trait, making it accessible and achievable for everyone. This perspective removes the pressure of perfectionism and instead encourages incremental progress through conscious practice. The quote emphasizes that mental strength isn’t about avoiding difficult emotions but about developing better strategies for managing them effectively.

“Mental strength doesn’t require you to ignore your emotions. Increasing your mental strength isn’t about suppressing your emotions; instead it’s about developing a keen awareness of them. It’s about interpreting and understanding how your emotions influence your thoughts and behavior.”

This quote clarifies a crucial misconception that mental strength means emotional numbness or constant positivity. Instead, Morin advocates for emotional intelligence and self-awareness as the foundations of resilience.

“Mental strength isn’t synonymous with mental health. While the healthcare industry often talks in terms of mental health versus mental illness, mental strength is different. Just like people can still be physically strong even if they have a physical health ailment like diabetes, you can still be mentally strong even if you have depression, anxiety, or other mental health problems. Having a mental illness doesn’t mean you’re destined to have bad habits. Instead, you can still choose to develop healthy habits. It may require more work, more focus, and more effort, but it’s very possible.”

Morin makes an important distinction that separates mental strength from mental illness, offering hope to those who struggle with clinical conditions. This perspective emphasizes personal agency and choice even within the constraints of mental illness, suggesting that healthy coping strategies remain accessible regardless of one’s clinical diagnosis. For someone with anxiety, this might mean acknowledging their condition while still practicing the principle of Focus on What You Can Control by developing specific techniques for managing worry rather than accepting helplessness.

“Our choice to spend the day doing something enjoyable isn’t about ignoring our grief or masking our sadness. It’s about making a conscious choice to celebrate life’s gifts and refusing to behave in a pitiful manner. Instead of pitying ourselves for what we lost, we choose to feel grateful for what we had.”

This quote illustrates the key takeaway to Replace Self-Pity With Purposeful Action by showing how to honor difficult emotions without becoming trapped in them. Morin demonstrates that acknowledging loss while choosing gratitude represents emotional maturity rather than denial or forced positivity.

“You can view the events that happen in your life in many different ways. If you choose to view circumstances in a way that says, ‘I deserve better,’ you’ll feel self-pity often. If you choose to look for the silver lining, even in a bad situation, you’ll experience joy and happiness much more often.”

This quote emphasizes the power of perspective in determining emotional outcomes and overall life satisfaction. Morin suggests that one’s interpretations of events, rather than the events themselves, largely determine one’s emotional responses and resilience. For instance, someone facing a difficult roommate situation could shift from “Why does this always happen to me?” to “This is teaching me valuable conflict resolution skills I’ll use throughout my life.”

“If you think, Bad things always happen to me, create a list of good things that have happened to you as well. Then, replace your original thought with something more realistic like, Some bad things happen to me, but plenty of good things happen to me as well. This doesn’t mean you should turn something negative into an unrealistically positive affirmation. Instead, strive to find a realistic way to look at your situation.”

Morin provides a practical technique for combating cognitive distortions without falling into toxic positivity or unrealistic thinking. This approach exemplifies the recommendation to replace self-pity with purposeful action by offering a concrete strategy for shifting from a victim mentality to a balanced perspective. The exercise of listing positive experiences serves as evidence-based reality testing, helping someone recognize their selective attention to negative events while maintaining honesty about the genuine challenges they face.

“Anytime you don’t set healthy emotional and physical boundaries for yourself, you risk giving away your power to other people.”

This quote directly connects to the advice to Set Clear Boundaries to Reclaim Personal Power by identifying the cost of poor boundary setting as a loss of personal agency. Morin argues that boundaries aren’t selfish but essential for maintaining emotional independence and mental strength. For example, someone who consistently agrees to extra work assignments to avoid disappointing their boss may find their stress levels and job satisfaction entirely dependent on their supervisor’s mood and demands.

“When you give away your power, you become completely dependent upon other people and external circumstances to regulate your emotions. Life often becomes like a roller coaster—when things are going well, you’ll feel good; but when your circumstances change, your thoughts, feelings, and behavior will shift.”

This metaphor illustrates the exhausting instability that results from having an external locus of emotional control. Morin warns that emotional dependency on others creates unpredictable mental states that undermine resilience and decision-making capacity. The quote reinforces the advice to set clear boundaries to reclaim personal power.

“There are very few things in life you have to do, but often we convince ourselves we don’t have a choice. Instead of saying, ‘I have to go to work tomorrow,’ remind yourself that it’s a choice. If you choose not to go to work, there will be consequences. Perhaps you won’t get paid. Or maybe you’ll risk losing your job altogether. But it’s a choice. Simply reminding yourself that you have a choice in everything you do, think, and feel can be very freeing.”

Morin reframes perceived obligations as conscious choices with associated consequences, restoring a sense of personal agency even in seemingly constrained situations. This perspective shift connects to the takeaway to focus on what you can control by helping people recognize their decision-making power even when options seem limited.

“Many people associate change with discomfort. And often, they underestimate their ability to tolerate the discomfort that accompanies a behavioral change.”

This quote addresses a fundamental barrier to personal growth by highlighting how fear of temporary discomfort prevents people from making beneficial changes. Morin suggests that people often overestimate the pain of change while underestimating their own resilience and adaptability. The principle connects to the advice to Take Calculated Risks to Build Resilience because avoiding all discomfort also means avoiding the small challenges that build confidence for larger life transitions. For instance, someone who avoids networking events due to social anxiety might therefore miss career-advancement opportunities.

“Trying to control everything usually starts out as a way to manage anxiety. If you know you have everything under control, what’s there to worry about? Rather than focusing on managing your anxiety, you try controlling your environment.”

Morin identifies a common but counterproductive coping mechanism where people attempt to reduce anxiety through external control rather than developing internal emotional regulation skills. This approach actually increases stress because most environmental factors remain outside one’s influence, creating a cycle of frustration and heightened anxiety. The quote directly supports the recommendation to focus on what you can control by explaining why controlling strategies often backfire.

“An internal locus of control has often been idealized as the ‘best’ way to be. Ideas like ‘You can do anything if you just put your mind to it’ have been valued in many cultures. In fact, people with a high sense of control often make great CEOs because they believe in their ability to make a difference. Doctors like having patients with a strong internal locus of control because they do everything possible to treat and prevent illness. But there are also potential downsides to believing you can control everything.”

This quote challenges the popular self-help notion that believing in complete personal control is always beneficial, introducing nuance to discussions of personal responsibility. Morin acknowledges the benefits of an internal locus of control while warning against the unrealistic expectation that willpower alone determines all outcomes. The balanced perspective exemplifies the advice to focus on what you can control by recognizing both personal agency and external factors in determining results.

“Those who strike the right balance of control recognize how their behaviors can affect their chances of success, but they also identify how external factors, such as being in the right place at the right time, can play a role. Researchers found that these people have a bi-locus of control, as opposed to a complete internal or external locus of control.”

Morin introduces the concept of a “bi-locus of control” as the optimal approach to understanding cause and effect in life outcomes. This balanced perspective reduces both learned helplessness and unrealistic self-blame by acknowledging the complex interaction between personal effort and circumstances beyond one’s control. For someone dealing with job rejection, this approach would involve examining both their interview performance (controllable) and market conditions or company politics (largely uncontrollable) to develop a realistic improvement strategy.

“Even though you might not like the situation you’re in, you can choose to accept it. You can accept that your boss is mean, that your mother doesn’t approve of you, or that your kids aren’t striving to be high achievers. That doesn’t mean you can’t work toward influencing them by changing your behavior, but it does mean you can stop trying to force them to be different.”

This quote distinguishes between acceptance and resignation, showing how acknowledging reality can actually increase rather than decrease one’s influence. Morin explains that acceptance reduces the emotional drain of fighting the unchangeable aspects of situations, freeing up energy to try more effective strategies. The approach aligns with the takeaway to focus on what you can control by redirecting effort from trying to change others directly to modifying one’s own behavior in ways that might positively influence the relationship dynamics.

“Most of us wrongly assume that people-pleasing behavior proves we’re generous. But when you think about it, always trying to please people isn’t a selfless act. It’s actually quite self-centered. It assumes that everyone cares about your every move. It also assumes you think you have the power to control how other people feel.”

Morin reframes people-pleasing as a form of self-centeredness disguised as generosity, challenging the common perception that constant accommodation demonstrates kindness. This insight reveals how people-pleasing often stems from a desire to control others’ opinions rather than genuine care for their well-being. The quote connects to the advice to set clear boundaries to reclaim personal power by exposing how attempts to manage others’ emotions actually represent a subtle form of manipulation that undermines authentic relationships.

“When you’re faced with decisions in your life, it’s important to know exactly what your values are so you can make the best choices. Could you easily list your top five values off the top of your head? Most people can’t. But if you aren’t really clear on your values, how do you know where to put your energy, and how to make the best decisions? Taking time to clarify your values can be a very worthwhile exercise.”

This quote emphasizes the foundational role of clear values in effective decision-making and energy allocation. Morin suggests that without conscious awareness of one’s core principles, one makes choices based on external pressures or momentary emotions rather than long-term fulfillment.

“Even when our emotions lack any type of rational basis, we sometimes allow those feelings to prevail. Instead of thinking about ‘what could be…’ we focus on ‘what if.’ But risks don’t have to be reckless.”

Morin distinguishes between irrational fear and legitimate risk assessment, encouraging readers to examine whether their emotional responses match the situation’s actual level of danger. This quote supports the advice to take calculated risks to build resilience by highlighting how fear-based thinking often focuses on worst-case scenarios rather than realistic probability and potential benefits.

“We base our decisions on emotion instead of logic. We incorrectly assume there’s a direct correlation between our fear level and the risk level. But often, our emotions are just not rational. If we truly understood how to calculate risk, we’d know which risks were worth taking and we’d be a lot less fearful about taking them.”

This quote identifies a critical error in risk assessment where emotional intensity becomes confused with actual danger. Morin argues that developing rational risk-evaluation skills would both reduce unnecessary fear and increase one’s willingness to pursue beneficial opportunities. The principle directly relates to the recommendation to take calculated risks to build resilience by advocating for systematic analysis over emotional reaction.

“You can’t enjoy the present if your mind is constantly stuck in the past. You’ll miss out on experiencing new opportunities and celebrating the joys of today if you’re distracted by things that have already occurred.”

Morin explains how dwelling on past events prevents full engagement with current experiences and future possibilities. This quote illustrates the opportunity cost of rumination. The insight connects to the advice to replace self-pity with purposeful action because constant focus on past disappointments often fuels self-pity while simultaneously making people unaware of current chances for improvement or joy.

“Despite the fact that we now have a study that proves we can learn from our mistakes, it is difficult to completely unlearn what we were taught when we were younger. Growing up, you may have learned it’s better to hide your mistakes than face the consequences. And school wasn’t the only place we built our understanding of handling mistakes. Celebrities, politicians, and athletes are commonly portrayed in the media as trying to cover up their missteps.”

This quote acknowledges the cultural conditioning that values avoiding mistakes rather than learning from mistakes. Morin recognizes that overcoming these deeply ingrained patterns requires conscious effort because early education and media exposure often model denial rather than growing and learning from one’s errors. The principle supports the takeaway to Learn From Mistakes Instead of Repeating Them by validating why this practice initially feels unnatural while emphasizing the need to consciously develop new responses to failure.

“While jealousy can be described as ‘I want what you have,’ resentment over someone’s success goes further: ‘I want what you have and I don’t want you to have it.’ Fleeting and occasional jealousy is normal. But resentment is unhealthy.”

Morin makes an important distinction between normal jealousy and destructive resentment, helping readers understand when competitive feelings cross into harmful territory. This clarification provides a framework for evaluating one’s own responses to others’ success and determining when emotional reactions require intervention.

“Self-compassion, and not necessarily high self-esteem, may be the key to reaching your full potential. While being too hard on yourself can lead to the resignation that you’re just not good enough, and being too easy on yourself may lead to excuses for your behavior, self-compassion strikes just the right balance. Self-compassion means viewing your failures kindly yet realistically.”

This quote introduces self-compassion as a middle path between harsh self-criticism and self-indulgent excuse making. Morin suggests that treating yourself with the same kindness you’d show a good friend creates optimal conditions for growth and motivation. The balanced approach connects to the takeaway to learn from mistakes instead of repeating them because self-compassion allows for the honest assessment of failures without the defensive reactions that prevent genuine learning and growth.