13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success

Morin argues that self-pity operates like an emotional trap that consumes mental energy while providing no real solutions. When facing setbacks, shift your narrative from victimhood to agency by reframing adversity as a challenge to overcome rather than evidence of your misfortune. Acknowledge your disappointment and then engage in one concrete action toward improvement. For example, if you’re passed over for a promotion, allow yourself to briefly feel frustrated and then research specific skills the role requires and create a development plan. Volunteer work proves particularly effective at breaking cycles of self-pity—helping others provides perspective while channeling energy toward meaningful contribution. This approach doesn’t minimize legitimate pain but prevents it from becoming permanent.

According to Morin, your emotional state should not depend on other people’s behavior, opinions, or approval. When you allow others to dictate your mood or self-worth, you surrender the very control that mental strength requires. Identify relationships where you spend disproportionate mental energy resenting someone’s actions and then establish specific, enforceable limits. If a colleague consistently interrupts you in meetings, practice phrases like “Let me finish my thought” and follow through every time. For family members who offer unsolicited criticism, respond with “I’ll consider that” instead of defending yourself or arguing.