13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success

According to Morin, your emotional state should not depend on other people’s behavior, opinions, or approval. When you allow others to dictate your mood or self-worth, you surrender the very control that mental strength requires. Identify relationships where you spend disproportionate mental energy resenting someone’s actions and then establish specific, enforceable limits. If a colleague consistently interrupts you in meetings, practice phrases like “Let me finish my thought” and follow through every time. For family members who offer unsolicited criticism, respond with “I’ll consider that” instead of defending yourself or arguing. Create physical and emotional distance when necessary—limit unannounced visits, stop seeking validation from critical people, and redirect conversations away from topics that consistently trigger conflict. Remember that boundaries protect your energy for relationships and goals that truly matter.

Morin contends that attempting to control everything increases anxiety while wasting energy that could address manageable problems. Develop a “bi-locus of control” that recognizes both personal agency and external factors in determining outcomes (79). When facing challenges, create two lists: factors within your influence and factors beyond it. For workplace conflicts, you cannot control your difficult coworker’s personality, but you can control your responses, document interactions, and communicate with your supervisors. In relationships, you cannot force someone to change their habits, but you can modify your own behavior to influence the dynamic positively. Parents dealing with teenage children cannot control their kids’ choices but can control household rules, consequences, and their own emotional reactions. This approach reduces stress while increasing effectiveness, as focusing energy on controllable factors yields better results than scattering efforts across impossible goals.

The author argues that fear often masquerades as rational risk assessment, preventing growth opportunities that could significantly improve your life. Distinguish between reckless gambling and strategic risk-taking by systematically evaluating potential costs, benefits, and alternatives before making decisions. Start with manageable risks to build confidence—if considering a career change, begin with part-time consulting or freelance work in your target field while maintaining current income. For relationship risks like difficult conversations, prepare specific talking points and choose appropriate timing rather than avoiding the discussion entirely. Financial risks require contingency planning: Before starting a business, calculate exactly how long your savings will last and identify specific warning signs that would trigger a return to traditional employment. The key is preparation, not fearlessness. Most successful people aren’t naturally brave; they’ve simply developed systematic approaches to managing uncertainty that allow them to pursue meaningful opportunities despite legitimate concerns.

Morin emphasizes that breaking cycles of repeated mistakes requires studying failures objectively and developing specific replacement behaviors. When you catch yourself making the same error again, resist the urge to simply “try harder” and instead analyze what went wrong systematically. Document the circumstances that led to the mistake, identify your emotional state at the time, and pinpoint the exact moment when you could have chosen differently. For example, if you consistently overspend during stressful periods, note the triggers (work deadlines, family conflicts) and the feelings involved (anxiety, inadequacy) and create specific alternative actions (calling a friend, going for a walk, waiting 24 hours before purchases). Write down your replacement plan and share it with someone who can provide accountability. Most importantly, practice the new behavior in low-stakes situations first. If you tend to interrupt others when excited, practice active listening during casual conversations before applying the skill in important meetings.