A Complicated Kindness

Content Warning: This section of the guide contains discussion of gender discrimination, mental illness, and emotional abuse.

Gather initial thoughts and broad opinions about the book.

1. Coming-of-age stories often center on protagonists breaking away from their childhood communities. How does Nomi’s journey in East Village compare to other novels about young people questioning their faith or cultural upbringing, such as Chaim Potok’s The Chosen? What makes Nomi’s situation particularly complex given her family’s fragmentation?

2. What significance does the setting of East Village hold beyond just being Nomi’s hometown? How does the juxtaposition between the authentic community and the artificial tourist recreation shape your understanding of the novel’s themes?

3. Nomi’s sardonic humor permeates even the most painful moments of her story. Does her irreverent voice make the heavy subject matter more accessible to you, or does it sometimes create distance from the emotional weight of her situation?

Encourage readers to connect the book’s themes and characters with their personal experiences.

1. Nomi struggles with the tension between loyalty to her father and her own need for freedom. Have you ever found yourself torn between protecting someone you love and pursuing your own path? How did you navigate that conflict?

2. The novel explores how religious communities can both nurture and constrain their members. If you’ve been part of a tight-knit community, religious or otherwise, what aspects felt supportive versus restrictive?

3. Travis represents a compromise for Nomi—he’s not her ideal romantic partner, but he offers companionship in her isolated world. Have you ever found yourself in relationships or friendships that felt like settling? What motivated you to stay in or leave those situations?

4. Rather than dwelling on painful realities about her mother and sister’s whereabouts, Nomi creates hopeful fantasies about their new lives. When have you found yourself constructing more comforting narratives about difficult situations in your own life? Is it helpful or harmful as a coping mechanism?

5. Ray’s quiet, stoic approach to grief contrasts sharply with Nomi’s more rebellious acting out. How do you typically process loss or disappointment? Do you identify more with Ray’s internalized suffering or Nomi’s external rebellion?

6. Family roles shift dramatically after trauma in the Nickel household, with Nomi feeling responsible for Ray’s well-being despite being the child. Have you experienced situations where traditional family dynamics were disrupted? How did those changes affect your sense of identity and responsibility? What did you learn about the flexibility or rigidity of family structures?

Examine the book’s relevance to societal issues, historical events, or cultural themes.

1. East Village’s treatment of women who don’t conform—from Trudie’s excommunication to Lydia’s electroshock therapy—reflects broader patterns of how societies handle female nonconformity. What parallels do you see between the Mennonite community’s approach in the novel and contemporary issues around women’s autonomy and voice?

2. Published in 2004 but set in the late 1960s, the novel captures a time of significant cultural upheaval in North America. How does Nomi’s rebellion against religious authority connect to the broader countercultural movements of that era? What makes her situation unique to her specific community rather than just reflective of generational conflict?

3. Tourist attractions like East Village’s recreated historical site often present sanitized versions of complex cultural histories. How does the artificial town function as a commentary on how communities present themselves to outsiders versus their internal realities?

Dive into the book’s structure, characters, themes, and symbolism.

1. Toews uses a nonlinear narrative structure, weaving together past and present throughout Nomi’s story. How does this fragmented timeline affect your understanding of the family’s breakdown? What do you think the technique adds to the novel’s emotional impact?

2. The black Mennonite dresses floating in the wind serve as a key recurring image throughout the novel. How does this symbol evolve in meaning from Nomi’s childhood wonder to her teenage disillusionment, and what does it suggest about the possibility of finding freedom within traditional structures?

3. Ray’s relationship with discarded objects—both at the dump and in selling the family’s belongings—creates a complex metaphor for his emotional state. What do you think his nighttime reorganizing of garbage reveals about his character? How does this connect to his ultimate decision to leave Nomi?

4. Nomi’s voice combines teenage irreverence with profound grief. Are there moments where Toews’s balance of humor and heartbreak feels particularly effective or challenging to you as a reader?

5. The Mouth functions as more than just an antagonist—Nomi sees him as a tragic figure driven by his own pain. How does this complexity in the portrayal of authority figures impact the novel’s critique of religious institutions? What does it suggest about the sources of oppression?

6. East Village’s geographical isolation plays a crucial role in limiting the family’s options for escape or change. What might have been different if the Nickels lived in a more diverse or urban environment, and how does the setting reinforce the novel’s themes about entrapment versus freedom?

Encourage imaginative and creative connections to the book.

1. Design a museum exhibit about Nomi’s East Village that would tell the real story behind the tourist façade. What artifacts from the novel would you include, and how would you present the contrast between the community’s public image and private struggles? What would be the central message of your exhibit?

2. The novel ends with Ray’s departure and Nomi’s newfound freedom, but we never learn what happened to Trudie and Tash. Write an alternative scene where Nomi encounters one of them years later—how do you think that reunion would unfold, and what would each character have learned from their time apart?

3. If you could write a letter to Nomi five years after the novel ends, what would you want to know about her life? Create a scenario that describes where she might be and what challenges or successes she might be facing as she builds her independence away from East Village.

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