A Photo Finish

“Usually, I’m hard on my body. Usually, I think everything is a little too small, not what I’d consider ‘womanly,’ but in this picture…I feel sexy.”

In the flashback timeline, Violet feels insecure about her smaller stature, which makes her feel as though she can’t be sexual. This stature ends up being a professional boon, since it’s the ideal body type for a jockey. Her career helps her reframe her attitude toward her body, which she’s more confident about in the novel’s main timeline.

“The pony rider is completely different from a jockey. They ensure we get to the gate safely, like a security blanket for a nervous horse. An important member of the team.”

This reference to the horse pony rider being an “important member of the team” foreshadows Cole’s decision to support Violet’s career by serving as the pony rider. His taking on this role later in the novel enables him to actively support Violet in achieving her dream and ensure that she’s as safe as possible while performing her dangerous job. Serving as a pony rider lets Cole be supportive, rather than limiting, of Violet’s career, highlighting Therapeutic Relationships With Animals as a theme.

“Nothing good can come from this kind of forced proximity.”

Cole’s allusion to “forced proximity” provides a nod to readers familiar with the conventions of romance novels. This is a trope in romance in which being forced into physical proximity leads two characters to fall in love. This reference is partly tongue-in-cheek; though being together in the farmhouse leads Violet and Cole to communicate again, they prove better at being honest and open with one another after Violet’s leg heals and they’re no longer forced to live in the same house. Even so, Cole’s assessment that “nothing good” will come from this proves incorrect given the convention of the romance novel to conclude in a happy union.

“Being made to feel helpless is the worst feeling in the world, and men have a bad habit of doing it to me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m small or quiet, but it fires me up. My dad and brother did it to me without even realizing that putting baby sister up on a pedestal was some real patriarchal bullshit.”

Violet discusses how “protectiveness,” though well-intentioned, often stems from sexism, however unintentionally. The novel contrasts the overprotectiveness of Violet’s brothers with Cassel’s more violent sexism; while the novel frames the former as understandable (if misguided), it frames the latter as born of cruelty and corruption associated with gender and class discrimination. Violet’s distaste for being viewed as helpless exacerbates her conflict with Cassel and even leads to tension between her and Cole as she struggles to accept his caretaking.

“Coffee is a crutch; it tricks your body into thinking you have energy.”

Cole’s language about coffee being a “crutch” comes across as insensitive, given that Violet recently broke her leg and is literally on crutches. When he later reveals that he has an amputated leg because of an incident during his military service, however, this comment also relates to Cole’s insecurity about his injury. Both Cole and Violet must learn how to accept help without shame.

“I’ve been trying to put my best foot forward, to stay positive, but I must confess…I’m floundering. I’m bored. I’m sad. And I’m feeling a little resentful—angry, maybe. This was supposed to be my season to prove myself.”

Though Cole admires Violet for her bright and cheerful demeanor, her internal reflection here indicates that she doesn’t maintain this good humor to avoid feeling more difficult emotions as well. Her ability to precisely name each of her emotions suggests that, in contrast to Cole, she has high emotional intelligence—a skill that Cole works to develop in the novel.

“‘I heard nothing!’ [Vaughn] calls back a little too brightly as he heads upstairs. ‘And even if I did, I’m all for women taking charge of their sexuality!’”

Vaughn’s support when Violet reveals her past with Cole echoes that of Violet’s other friends in the novel, none of whom shame her for posting a partially naked photograph of herself online. The novel emphasizes that, though Cole and Violet’s online relationship ended badly, it wasn’t because Violet was somehow morally incorrect for posting a photo of herself. Instead, the characters support her right to present her sexuality as she pleases.

“‘I’m sad about your leg, but I’m glad he’s not alone. It’s hard not to worry about all you kids.’ [Hank] chuckles good-naturedly. ‘May not have had any of my own, but I feel like you’re all mine anyway.’”

Hank’s comment about seeing the other workers at the ranch highlights the emphasis on “found family” in the novel and the Gold Rush Ranch series as a whole. The series frames more traditional family relationships—like Cole and Vaughn’s relationship—as important but not necessarily more or less important than the nontraditional family ties that the workers of the ranch build together. This unity between characters helps develop a sense of community and place that extends beyond the limits of any individual installments in the series.

“I still like to assess the room though, see my way out, know if there are threats looming. I hate the idea of having my back to the room, the danger it could put me in. The danger it could put Violet in. I know I’m not in Iraq anymore, but these are the things that stick with you. The training sticks with you. You’re never just a civilian again.”

Cole attributes the worst of the PTSD symptoms he experiences to seeing his father’s death on the racetrack, but his observations here reveal that some of his situational awareness and anxiety stem from his time in the military. This is something that Cole embraces more as part of his identity than as a problem to be fixed, which lends his assessment that he’ll never again be a civilian a tone more pragmatic than bleak. His self-awareness thematically emphasizes The Merit of Progress Over Perfection in Mental Healthcare.

“I’ve had nice boyfriends. I’ve had nice sex. But I’m tired of nice. What I really want is for someone to manhandle me. Cross that consuming type of lust off my bucket list.”

Violet’s observation in the flashback timeline that she wishes for “manhandling” in sex is part of her desire to break free from her life with an overprotective family. As she develops an independent life for herself at Gold Rush Ranch, she becomes less attached to the physical specifics of these sexual desires, instead discovering that she can experience “consuming lust” with Cole, who fears (especially in the flashback timeline) that his inability to “manhandle” partners given his injured leg makes him ineligible to be a good romantic or sexual partner.

“Patrick, who is clearly missing some sort of survival instinct, scoffs at him. ‘Dude. You’re not seriously worried about this barn brat, are you? Our little conversation is just part of how things work around here. There are loopholes to working your way up in the world. Violet just needs to learn them.’”

When Cole tries to protect Violet from Patrick Cassel’s harassment, Cassel calls Violet a “barn brat,” indicating that Patrick victimizes Violet at least in part because he thinks her lower class status makes her someone whom he can harass without consequence. This highlights the question of wealth and privilege that pervades the extremely expensive sport of horse racing; Cassel, a successful and connected jockey, considers himself superior to Violet due to his wealth and status.

“The track is such a dichotomy for me. The place that holds all my best and worst memories.”

Cole is both drawn to and repelled by the racetrack and horse racing in general, thematically foregrounding The Complexities of Grief. While he confronts haunting memories of his father’s death when he attends horse races, he doesn’t entirely wish to separate himself from the sport because it helps him feel connected to his father, whom he desperately misses. Ultimately, Cole copes best when he learns to have a role adjacent to horse racing and thus confront his fears in a safe manner.

“Everyone thinks horse racing sounds so glamorous. They think enormous hats and mint juleps, not wood shavings in your jeans and dirt under your nails.”

Though Violet notes the “unglamorous” elements of horse racing, she does so with a sense of appreciation for these supposedly lowly aspects of the sport. For Violet, these elements provide her with the most comfort and satisfaction, given her upbringing proximate to bull riding (her brothers’ sport) and her desire to prove herself through hard work.

“Can you fall in love with someone you’ve never met? Never seen? I spent the day mulling over that question.”

Though the novel plays with the “forced proximity” trope, Violet and Cole’s initial relationship online, almost entirely based on texts, suggests that the novel presents emotional intimacy as something that can occur before and separate from physical proximity or sexual contact.

“‘Do you need help?’ I prop my hands on my hips and tilt my head in question. ‘Because it strikes me that you’re one of the strongest men I know. Presumably, you’ve been getting around fine for years with no one’s help. Am I right?’ He blinks at me, face blank. I think he might be shocked. But I have brothers, and I know when a boy needs coddling—and this ain’t it.”

Violet pushes back against Cole’s self-pity after his prosthesis breaks while they’re on a hike. Her sense that he doesn’t “need coddling” helps Cole feel that he doesn’t need to be pitied or taken care of—something that satisfies him because it implies that he’s strong, no matter what injuries he has experienced.

“‘It’s like a weight off my chest that someone knows about this. Keeping it a secret is exhausting.’

I mean, no shit.”

Cole confesses that keeping his amputation a secret has weighed heavily on him for many years. Violet’s internal response indicates that she finds it obvious that keeping such a significant part of himself secret would be emotionally challenging. This helps her understand Cole’s overall tendency toward being reserved and emotionally closed off, and her realization is an important step as the two learn how to communicate honestly with one another.

“‘When I finally got my body and mind sorted out enough to fuck [Hilary], it just wasn’t what it once was. She liked when I was aggressive and dominating. But I couldn’t be that anymore. Especially because my heart just wasn’t in it. At any rate, I lost my balance, everything felt different, and I fell over partway through.’ He shakes his head, lost in the memory. ‘Right on the fucking floor. It’s where I wanted to stay too. So, I decided I was done for the day. It embarrassed me, you know? It more than embarrassed me. It ruined me. I barely knew her anymore. And she got frustrated. Had some choice words about be being half a man that resulted in the end of our engagement. I wasn’t the shiny, whole, trust-fund baby she latched onto a decade earlier. So that was that. The end.’”

Psychoanalytic theory holds that amputation is parallel to castration, representing the loss of masculinity along with the loss of a limb. Here, Cole reports that his former fiancée, Hilary, presented this framework as fact, deeming Cole no longer a “real man” because of his lost leg. For Cole, recovering from the emotional wound of losing his leg intimately connects to his sexual relationships and sense of masculinity; he can’t work to repair either one in isolation, which is why his growing relationship with Violet helps his therapeutic progress.

“Some girls might swoon. The notes are sweet. So sweet that my teeth ache. But I feel agitated. He could have just told me. It’s not like we haven’t talked about our pasts. Now I feel like a juvenile fool for crushing on him secretly this whole time.”

Violet notes that Cole’s long history of sending messages to their defunct app thread, though a clear gesture of his ongoing affection for her, makes her feel as though he has been dishonest with her. This affects Violet deeply because her brothers long condescended to her in the name of protecting her. Cole’s messages show him supposedly “protecting” Violet from his emotional distress, which she wishes he had instead openly shared.

“‘I don’t need you to coddle me. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.’

He pins me now, his gray eyes sparking with fight. ‘That’s what you keep telling me. But Violet, letting me help doesn’t make you weak. It just means I care. I know you don’t need me. But I want to be there for you. Let me care for you in the only ways that I can.’”

Though Violet can see the difference between helping and coddling Cole, she struggles to see the same nuance regarding her own needs. Ultimately, she learns to accept help not only because it lets her accomplish her goals more effectively but also because it gives Cole comfort to offer this aid.

“She asked why her when I could have anyone I want. A comment that still makes me shake my head. I’m a thirty-six-year-old man with nothing to show for my years on earth except a company that was handed down to me and a nice lingering dose of PTSD from a dead dad and a blown-off leg. No house. No friends. No kids. I’ve always wanted kids, but here I am without a single one of those things on the horizon.”

Cole reveals his values and desires in this characterization of all the things that he thinks he lacks. He doesn’t see his wealth and social status as something to be proud of, a stance that separates him from both his former fiancée, Hilary, and the snobbish Patrick Cassel. He craves the validation that comes from traditional family structures and the stability they imply, indicating that being married with an unexpected child, as the Epilogue presents him, is the kind of happy life he has always dreamed of.

“I sit up and slide my stump into my new prosthetic, happy to have that custom fit back. And so damn fortunate that I can afford the state-of-the-art one I have.”

Though Cole doesn’t see his inherited wealth as conferring inherent value, he’s aware of the privileges that wealth has afforded him. He notes here that excellent healthcare, including getting a custom-fit prosthesis, is something that isn’t available to people of all socioeconomic statuses.

“I’m doing my job. I don’t need him here micromanaging me and telling me what to do. Can you imagine if I waltzed into his office and did the same?”

For Violet, protecting her right to do her job is a hard line that she won’t compromise to be with Cole. While Billie points out that Violet’s rejection of Cole’s attentions were somewhat harsh, citing Cole’s clear, intense fear, Violet remains firm that Cole can’t dictate what she can and can’t do in her role as a jockey. When he becomes a pony horse rider, thematically highlighting Therapeutic Relationships With Animals, he finds a way to be involved in her world without micromanaging, and it’s an important step in their relationship.

“‘Two weeks should be long enough for you to decide if you’re going to try or not. That’s all. Not—’ I hold up my hands in air quotes, ‘better. Not healed. Not different. I don’t want you different.’”

Violet explicitly rejects Cole’s assumption that he must somehow “overcome” his mental illness in order to be a worthy romantic partner. Her explanation that she doesn’t want Cole “different” indicates that she accepts him as he is, including his struggles, thematically emphasizing The Merit of Progress Over Perfection in Mental Healthcare.