Abuela, Don't Forget Me

Abuela takes Ogle around town to various appointments and stores to prepare him for school. Ogle tells her that he does not want her to drive him everywhere and that he can just take the bus, but she tells him that the bus is not safe and that she will drive him everywhere until he completes driver’s education classes. Ogle tells her that even when he gets his license, he will not have a car. She tells him that she will buy him one. He protests, telling her that it is too much, but she says that she will just pay the deposit and then he will make the monthly payments and insurance. Ogle agrees, thinking that is more than fair.

Ogle gets a job bussing tables at Crystal’s Pizza and Spaghetti Warehouse. He works from 5 PM until 11 PM washing dishes and stocking the pantry until it reaches midnight, when he walks outside to greet Abuela, who is waiting to drive him home so he can sleep for six hours before school starts. He does not like his job, but he thinks of Abuela at his age, walking across the border from Mexico to Texas to clean homes “for nickels and dimes” (143). He thinks that he will do whatever it takes to save up enough money so that he can make his monthly car payments and make Abuela proud.

At his new school, rumors swirl about Ogle and his past before moving to Abilene. Students speculate that he was kicked out of school for fighting, that he is gay and did sex work, that he is a genius and that he might be actually cool. Ogle does not care about the rumors, and so he just shrugs when people ask him about their veracity. He finds that he makes new friends easily from a variety of social circles.

In “mirror (but older),” Ogle stands naked in front of the mirror in the guest bathroom once more. Now 17, he stares at himself for a long time, trying to see what his new friends “seem to like” (148). He sees the same reflection that he has seen for years but thinks that there is also something new about him. He realizes that there is a new warmth emanating from him. He stands taller and stronger “As if the stress, the violence, the degradation, / the heartache of [his] old home / somehow stunted [him]” (148). He thinks that he still resembles a striped zoo animal, but one that has been painted beautifully by Abuela’s loving hand.

Ogle receives $50 each week from Abuela to go buy whatever groceries he wants. One week, he sees a box of popcorn shrimp, and he buys it. At home, he reads the directions for how to fry the shrimp and brings a pot of oil to boil on the stove. Half an hour later, he is still waiting for the oil to boil so he puts the heat on high and puts a lid on the pot. Just then, the phone rings and it is his friend, Melanie, calling to complain about another fight she had with her boyfriend. He goes to his room to talk to her until the fire alarm interrupts the call.

Black smoke emanates from the kitchen, the pot on the stove flaming and smoking. Ogle cannot find a fire extinguisher and also cannot recall what to do in the event of a grease fire, so he grabs the pot handle and runs outside, throwing the pot into the backyard and splashing boiling oil on his arm. He screams in pain, trying to remove the hardening oil from his arm but he still has to deal with the fire inside. Running back into the kitchen, he douses the flames in baking powder and smothers it with a dish towel.

He surveys the aftermath, the once yellow-and-green kitchen now charred black and dusted in white powder. He paces back and forth waiting for Abuela to return home, thinking that she will undoubtedly kick him out of her house. Abuela returns home and is furious as she surveys the damage, both to the kitchen and Ogle’s arm. He can see her fury, and yet she does not scream or hit. She says nothing as Ogle begs her not to send him back to Mom and Sam, apologizing profusely. She tends his wounds, telling him that he will live but that her kitchen will need replacement.

Ogle takes inventory of his scars: Claw marks on his arm from Mom and a cigarette burn on his leg from Sam; scars on his shins from falls while biking and skateboarding; the remains of a line of stitches at his hairline from a swinging door. Now, there are the fresh burns from the popcorn shrimp fire. He thinks that these scars, which used to be upsetting, now tell the story of his life and all the things he has survived.

Ogle sits in the principal’s office. The principal tells him that he is confused by the duality in Ogle’s personality: He is a member of the National Honor Society, and yet he is also mouthing off to teachers. Ogle merely shrugs. The principal tells him to stop arguing with everyone and to focus on getting good grades, asking whether he should call Abuela. Ogle sits up straighter, thinking that he no longer feels completely empty, realizing that he might just make it beyond graduation.

Ogle details his regimented daily schedule during his senior year. It is grueling between school, work, and homework, but Ogle thinks that if Abuela can work eight jobs, he can follow this schedule and succeed. Ogle thinks that his life in Abilene is easier than it was in Grapevine with Mom. He wonders if perhaps it is not easier, it is just that he is able to focus here, “when a fight does not wait for [him] at home” (158). At the end of his first semester, he is in the top 20 students in his class, earning straight A’s. For the first time in his life, he feels free, wanting to do well even though he still frequently missteps.

After school one day, Ogle drives home. He parks in the driveway, spinning his keys around in his hand as he opens the door to the house. He steps into the house, which is dark, and two shadows immediately tackle him, slamming his head into the wall. Ogle thinks that he and Abuela are being robbed until he recognizes the voices and sees Mom standing nearby.

Mom accuses Ogle of being on various drugs and Abuela cries out that the men are hurting Ogle. Mom holds Abuela back, telling her that this is all for Ogle’s “own good” (159). Ogle begins to black out from the pressure and Mom and Sam inspect his arm for needle marks, finding nothing. Mom then shoves a cigar box into his face, which is his friend’s stash of marijuana. Ogle admits that it was “stupid” (160), but he offered to hold his friend’s stash because he was going to be sent to military school.

Ogle yells at his mother that they were supposedly worried about him, but she is hitting him. Mom tells him that he is going to fail out of school and tells him that she is taking his car as punishment. Suddenly, Ogle realizes what this is all about: Mom is trying to take his car for herself. He tells her that she can take his keys but that the car stays there.

Mom tells him that her car has stopped working and that “No teenager should / have a new car. / Not when [she’s] driving a piece of shit!” (162). Ogle looks around the room, telling them all that Mom’s faux concern is really about wanting to steal his car. He turns on Abuela, accusing her of inviting “this lunatic […] into [their] home” (162) and telling her that she should have spoken to him first. Abuela begins to cry. 

Mom and Ogle begin fighting over the keys until Mom jumps on Ogle and pulls his hair. Abuela intercedes, telling Mom that she will give her the spare set of keys and begging her to stop hitting Ogle. Five minutes later, Mom and the men are gone, driving back to Grapevine in Ogle’s car. Ogle glares at Abuela, telling her that this is her fault.

Ogle receives rides to and from school with his friends, and Abuela drives him to work in silence each evening. She picks him up when his shift is over, the two sitting in stony silence the entire time. When they arrive home each night, Ogle goes to his room without a word, slamming the door.

Now that he no longer has a car payment to worry about, Ogle cuts back to working only three nights a week. He intends, instead, to enjoy his senior year to the fullest, spending days on end with friends, going to Abuela’s only occasionally to sleep, do homework, or watch television. When he is at Abuela’s, he only spends time in his room, not wanting to see Abuela. 

Abuela approaches Ogle, apologizing and telling him that she should have spoken to him first before calling Mom. She tells him that she was scared. Ogle apologizes as well and tells her that he understands. They do not hug, and Ogle walks back to his room, closing the door behind him.

The first Sunday of each month, Abuela sits at the kitchen table and pays her bills, writing checks for the amounts she owes. Ogle knows he should not, but he looks at the balances. He tells her that he hopes she is not still paying for the car that Mom stole because since Mom took it, it is her responsibility now. Abuela admits that she needs to pay for it because the car is in her name. Since she knows Mom will not pay for it, she cannot risk ruining her credit. Ogle calls Mom, telling her that she needs to pay for the car if she is going to insist on taking it. Mom responds only that it is “[Ogle’s] car, not [hers]” (168) and that she will give it back to him when he has learned his lesson.

Ogle is accepted into the Local Scholars program at Abilene Christian University. Ogle and Abuela laugh until they cry, hugging each other, leaving the past behind them. Ogle’s father calls to tell him that he will not be able to make it to his graduation because of work obligations and Ogle’s “mother” (171). Ogle understands, thinking that he does not want Mom at his graduation either, but that he does want Ford there, which means Mom comes too. Instead, Dad offers to host Ogle at his home in Alabama for the summer, telling him that he can look at colleges there. Ogle is noncommittal, knowing that he will never go.

Graduation day arrives and Sam, Mom, and Ford arrive. Mom hugs Ogle and he does not hug her back. Ogle’s Aunt Frannie and cousin Donald attend his graduation lunch as well at a local fast-food restaurant. At lunch, Mom announces that she, Sam, and Ford are moving to Abilene so that they can be closer to Ogle while he attends school. She says they can all be “one big happy family” (173). Ogle knocks over his chair as he stands up, shouting that they have never been a happy family. Ogle tells her that she is not welcome in his home and she slaps him across the face, knocking him to the ground. He stands up, tasting blood in his mouth, and tells her that he does not want her idea of a “happy” family.

Ogle attends his graduation ceremony and finds Abuela afterward, hugging her and telling her he loves her, thanking her for always believing in him. Mom hears this and asks, “What about me?” (175), which prompts Ogle to stop in his tracks and unleash years’ worth of resentment on his mother. He tells her that she has ruined the last 17 years of his life and that he will not let her ruin the next 17.

Summer begins and Ogle finds himself on a plane to Prattville, Alabama, to visit his father, figuring out that it is better to spend time with the parent he does not know, rather than the parent he does.