Abuela, Don't Forget Me

Content Warning: This section of the guide discusses anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination and domestic violence.

Ogle finds his father’s home in Alabama to be clean and pristine. His stepmother and stepsister greet him with hugs. He drops his bags to hug his father, but his father stops him, telling him to be careful not to scuff the floor. He shows Ogle to the guest room where he will be staying, and Ogle cannot help but think of how different this welcome feels when he visits Abuela. 

Ogle works three jobs while in Alabama: a cashier at a grocery store, a clerk at a video store, and a server at a restaurant. He does not make much money at any of these jobs and his father is not particularly nice to him. Ogle cannot help but wonder whether he should have just stayed in Texas.

Abuela and Ogle speak on the phone, and she asks him how it is going. He admits that everything is just okay, but that his stepmom and sister are nicer to him than his father. Ogle asks how things are back in Abilene and Abuela goes quiet. She tells him that she bought a house for Mom and Sam, the one across the street from where Jason used to live. Ogle cannot believe the news and tells her that Mom will ruin her life and will never change. Ogle cannot help but worry, fearful that Abuela is always trying to care for everyone else.

Ogle befriends a butcher, Tom, at the grocery store where he works. They chat together on their smoke breaks, even though Ogle does not smoke. They are each saving up money for their upcoming first semesters of college. Tom invites Ogle over to his house to eat pizza and play video games. As they sit and play, Ogle wonders whether Tom’s knee rubbing against his is on purpose. Hours go by and Ogle is still not sure, but then Tom kisses him.

Ogle admits that he has known for a long time that he likes girls and boys, but that he likes boys more. He wants to call Abuela and come out to her, but he is fearful of her reaction, knowing that “her god and her church do not like [his] kind / and send [them] to hell” (183). Needing to unburden himself somehow, he decides to tell his stepsister, which turns out to be a mistake.

Ogle’s father hosts a barbecue, and Ogle finds him at the grill, gripping his beer bottle tightly and taking sip after sip. Ogle asks whether everything is okay and his father, without looking at him, tells him that he is no longer welcome in his home if “you choose to be gay” (184). He tells him that he is no longer part of the family if he chooses that “lifestyle.” Ogle’s father gives him two choices: He can stay, attending therapy at his own expense and church twice a week. Or he can lose his family, making the “wrong” choice to be “abnormal” (185). Ogle makes the only choice he can, knowing that he will no longer be controlled by external forces in his life and knowing that, ultimately, he was born this way.

Ogle picks up the phone to call Abuela for help, realizing that he has only $200 and no family or help in Alabama. Before he dials, he thinks of Abuela attending church each week, knowing that the church does not approve of gay people either. He thinks of Sam reminding Ogle that he is not his son. He imagines his mother laughing at him, telling him that he is on his own now. He thinks of the fights that he will return home to if he does return to Abilene. He hangs up the phone, deciding not to ask for help.

Ogle decides to move to New Orleans, a place he figures will be “cool” (187) to be unhoused. He figures he can find a job easily, and maybe even look into colleges there. He thinks of himself like a cat, always landing on his feet. For three months, Ogle tries to survive on the streets of New Orleans. The nights are cold, and the days are hot, and Ogle does things to survive that even now he cannot speak of. Ogle finds himself standing on a bridge, contemplating death by suicide. He can barely think anymore, too tired of everything. However, as much as he wants to, he finds that he cannot jump.

He places a collect call to Abuela, his stomach growling after not eating for five days. Ogle thinks back to this time in his life when he would scrounge one meal a day from a dumpster or trash can. When he hears Abuela’s voice agreeing to accept the call charges, Ogle begins sobbing. Ogle tells her that he has been in New Orleans trying to find work but cannot say more than that. She gently shushes him, telling him that it is time to come home. He is quiet for a while until Abuela says “Please, mijo […] Por favor” (191) and Ogle responds “Gracias” (191).

Ogle makes the 10-hour journey from New Orleans to Abilene the next day, noting that nothing has changed as he turns onto Abuela’s street and pulls up once more in front of 1214 South Jackson Drive. Abuela opens her arms to welcome Ogle in, but he is reluctant to approach her and hug her. He slowly approaches and she embraces him. He stands still in her arms until she kisses his ear, whispering that he is safe now. Ogle breaks down in sobs and Abuela holds him, letting him cry for a long time until he finishes.

Abuela fills Ogle in on the goings-on while he was away. She tells him that Mom and Sam often got into physical fights in the front yard until Sam finally left. Mom and Ford disappeared soon after, driving off for parts unknown in Ogle’s car. Mom never made payments on the house Abuela bought, which ruined her credit. The house across the street, Jason’s old house where Ogle used to play, now once more sits empty.

Abuela leaves Ogle alone while she goes to work, but Ogle does not feel as alone as he did while in New Orleans. He walks around Abuela’s house, taking in all of the familiar sights, finding himself standing in front of the hamper door. Although he is now 18, Ogle realizes how much he is still finding his way in the world. He opens the door to the hamper and crams his body into the dark space. He inhales the familiar scents of the hamper and waits for someone to come and seek him. He knows that if he waits long enough, Abuela will lift the lid. Ogle is overcome with the joy of finally being home.