After

Fifteen-year-old Francis Gregory is on a school trip to New York City in June 1992 when his mother, Lisa (whom he calls Maman), insists he return to Montréal. She tells him his father, Ben, has hanged himself in the attic of their house. Memories of everything Francis will never share with Ben flood his mind: wrestling on the rug, playing poker, watching hockey. He breaks down, and Maman holds him for the first time in years.

Francis provides a compressed overview of the year that follows: He spends the summer isolated in his room playing guitar; his younger brother Luc, about five, is looked after by their Aunt Sophie; Maman works at the post office and compulsively scrubs the house; their dog, Sputnik, sleeps under the porch. By winter the three are "three strangers side by side" (3). Francis clarifies that his story is not a chronicle of events but of feelings: grief as a living creature he cannot control.

Guilt strikes immediately. Ben had been depressed since a back injury ended his career as a cargo worker on the St. Lawrence River; for Ben, a man who could not work was not a man. Francis blames himself for leaving his father to go to New York. He recalls a previous suicide attempt a year earlier: He came home to find Ben unconscious on the kitchen floor beside an empty pill vial and a note reading, "Sorry. I'm going somewhere better. I'm fed up with my life" (11). Francis called 911, and Ben survived. Afterward, Francis followed his father for months. By the time the New York trip arrived, he believed Ben was fine.

Maman insists the family attend the funeral. At the open coffin, Luc climbs up and begs his father to stop being dead. Francis cannot touch the body. At the cemetery, he drops soil into the grave while Luc whispers about whether there is light inside the coffin. Maman screams as workers fill the grave. At the reception, Francis's godfather, Uncle Ted, offers platitudes that infuriate him. Aunt Sophie drives the family home; Luc falls asleep curled against Francis on the ride.

In the last days of the school year, Francis walks through on autopilot. At home, Ben's denim jacket stays on the rocking chair; Maman refuses to wash it, saying it still smells of Ben. He recalls learning poker from his father at age seven, when Ben called the game an education in human nature. Francis reflects that he never played enough to realize Ben "had hidden cards up his sleeves" (26), a metaphor for the pain Ben concealed. When school resumes in autumn, a new teacher asks what his father does for a living. Francis answers in the present tense, unable to say Ben is dead, and feels branded as "Son of Suicide Man" (29).

At night, Francis fears Maman might die too. Maman's routine grows mechanical: She peels onions each evening, perhaps as an excuse to cry, then falls asleep clutching Ben's wool vest. Francis puts Luc to bed. One Saturday night, he finds Luc barefoot in the snow with the clothesline wrapped around Sputnik's neck. Luc explains he wants the dog to "commit suicide" so Sputnik can find Papa. Francis carries Luc to bed and teaches him a goodnight prayer to Papa.

Winter deepens Francis's isolation. He avoids calls from his best friend, Houston. Christmas is bleak: Maman gives modest gifts and retreats to her bedroom while Francis and Luc sit alone. Luc asks whether he killed Papa by once telling him he did not love him. Francis is tormented by the same guilt. He skips school to visit Ben's grave at the Mount Royal Cemetery. That spring, Houston confronts Francis at the school bike rack, crying: While Francis lost his father, Houston has lost his best friend. The two boys hug, and their friendship is restored.

Maman learns Francis has been skipping class and insists he see the school psychologist, Mr. Bergeron. Francis eventually asks his central question: "Was it my fault?" Mr. Bergeron responds that Ben alone was responsible and that Francis could not have watched him every minute. Francis allows himself to smile for the first time.

Mr. Bergeron runs a support group for young people who have lost a parent. Francis states aloud for the first time that his father hanged himself. Julia, a classmate he calls Jul, is also in the group; her mother died of breast cancer when Jul was 11. Francis develops a crush on Jul and takes her to Deli Delight, run by Mr. Deli, a former sailor who worked with Ben. Jul shares her guilt over cruel words she said to her dying mother. Mr. Deli tells them: "Death is a thief. We never know when he will come. Don't let him steal your youth" (78). When Jul calls Francis "like a brother" (91), he is crushed. He confides in Maman and admits, "I'm sick of being sad" (92), realizing the words are true.

That night Francis dreams of Ben on the porch inviting him to play poker. A gust of wind lifts Ben away, and his fading voice tells Francis he loves him. Maman gives Francis a wooden chest that belonged to Ben. Inside, among old photos and playing cards, he finds a note in Ben's handwriting dated 1953, pledging a poker rematch at The Sailor, 142 Chester Street, Toronto, on August 14, 1993, password "Black Jack" (53). Despite knowing the note is 40 years old, Francis becomes convinced the reunion will connect him to his father.

Signs of recovery appear alongside new tensions. Maman repaints the house and gets a better job. Francis takes a job at Deli Delight peeling potatoes. When Maman begins seeing a widower named George, Francis views her brightening mood as betrayal. George gives Francis an electric guitar; Francis destroys it and presents the wreckage at dinner. Maman, weeping, asks why she cannot have a little happiness and agrees to send George away. That night in the bathroom, Francis finds the aspirin bottle and contemplates suicide. Luc knocks on the door. Francis snaps the lid shut, knowing he could never inflict on Luc the suffering Ben inflicted on him.

On August 14, 1993, Francis buys a bus ticket to Toronto. He finds 142 Chester Street: an abandoned bar, closed for years. Inside, lightning illuminates not his father but Mr. Deli, who drove from Montréal after Maman called. Mr. Deli asks for the password; Francis answers, "Black Jack." Mr. Deli hands him a black leather journal Ben kept on the boats, filled with reflections on Francis's birth, song lyrics, and recipes. They walk to Lake Ontario, where Francis folds the poker note into a bottle and throws it into the water. "Let's go home," he says.

Five years later, Francis studies Political Science at McGill University and works Thursday and Friday nights as a poker dealer at the Casino de Montréal to pay tuition. Very black days still come, but he concludes that life is more powerful than death. Maman has become a landscaper. George, whom Maman sent away, eventually married Aunt Sophie. When Luc turned eight, Francis taught him poker, echoing Ben. He opened a fresh deck and told Luc to hold his cards close to his heart. Francis wanted to show his brother that cheating is never worth it, that life is beautiful, that royal straight flushes are rare but real, and that nothing lasts forever.