50 pages • 1-hour read
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Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of sexual content, sexual harassment and violence, substance use, and death.
Louisa and Lily don’t see each other for several days. In Lily’s absence, Louisa remembers that she enjoys her solitude. However, she does call Treena for support. Meanwhile, she tries not to think about Sam but often studies her body in the mirror and remembers their night together. Nathan calls too, but Louisa doesn’t feel up to hearing about his exciting New York life.
One day, Louisa returns to Stortfold to see her family. Bernard is upset that Josie isn’t home to make him lunch. An argument ensues. In recent months, Josie has been taking more risks, reading more books, and showing an interest in feminism. Louisa and Treena support her. Supportive of Treena and frustrated with Bernard, Louisa and Treena meet up with Josie for lunch. They discuss feminism and Josie’s mothering experience. Louisa starts to see Josie and Treena differently. She even invites Treena to come stay with her in London.
A week later, Louisa returns home to find Lily smoking and drinking in her living room with several friends. Louisa gets upset that she’s trashed the place. Lily’s friends leave in a huff. Afterward, Louisa discovers that they stole her jewelry, including her grandmother’s ring. Lily tries to explain, but Louisa demands that she return home to Tanya.
After Lily leaves, Louisa feels alone and useless. She spends the next day mentally talking to Will and wandering around the city. That evening, she cleans her flat and cries over a letter Will wrote her before he died.
Nathan calls Louisa at two am. He explains that the Gopnik family he lives with is looking for help. They’re a wealthy couple, and Mr. Gopnik wants to hire a companion and helper for Mrs. Gopnik; Nathan thinks Louisa would be perfect for the job, which includes benefits and housing. Louisa agrees to a video interview with Mr. Gopnik. She spends the rest of the night emailing Nathan about the job. In the morning, she feels more hopeful.
Louisa returns to the Moving On Circle. She listens to other people’s stories but doesn’t feel like sharing. However, when Marc encourages her, Louisa opens up about Lily. Marc reminds her to prioritize self-care.
Louisa interviews with Mr. Gopnik. She doubts she’ll get the job but feels proud of herself for trying. Remembering Marc’s words, Lily starts to feel “a little better” (194). At home, she dons Will’s old sweater and climbs up to the roof for the first time since the accident. She’s shocked to discover that Lily replanted the rooftop garden.
The next day, Louisa repeatedly texts Lily but doesn’t receive an answer. Then Sam shows up on her block, eager to talk. He wants to understand why she’s upset with him. She explains, and he reveals that he’s not Jake’s dad; he’s his uncle. (Jake’s mom was his sister.) Feeling silly and relieved, Louisa invites him in. They spend the evening talking and having sex. They wake up in the middle of the night side by side. Sam encourages Louisa not to overthink their situation.
Louisa and Sam spend the next three days together. They get to know each other better, and Louisa feels more at peace. Then one evening, Sam opens up about his late sister, Ellen, and his last girlfriend; Louisa opens up about New York.
Louisa spends several days sorting, furnishing, and decorating her flat with Sam’s help. Meanwhile, she keeps texting Lily without receiving a response. Finally, she shows Sam Lily’s garden and opens up about what happened. (Louisa is still blaming herself for pushing Lily away.) Sam comforts Louisa and suggests they go to the movies.
At the cinema, Camilla calls Louisa, asking for Lily. Louisa explains that she hasn’t heard from her. After the film, Louisa and Sam drive to Tanya’s to talk to Lily. Tanya hasn’t seen or heard from her in over a week. Louisa panics; Lily left her flat 10 days prior.
Tanya tells Louisa and Sam about Lily’s behavioral issues, insisting this behavior is typical, and the cops won’t care that she’s missing because she’s disappeared before. Frustrated, Louisa and Sam leave. They drive around for several hours looking for Lily without success. Sam reassures Louisa when he drops her off at home. Alone, she goes back up to the roof. Then she receives a message from Nathan saying Mr. Gopnik wants to hire her.
The narrative shifts into the third-person point of view and follows Lily’s story.
Lily hasn’t been able to escape Peter for weeks. He shows up again, insisting that he give her more money. The two met at a party. Lily’s peers dared her to perform fellatio on Peter. Lily didn’t want to do it but went through with it because she feared the group would make fun of her. Peter took a picture of her with his penis in her mouth to prove that the encounter had happened. Ever since, he’s been using the photo to blackmail her—threatening to publicize it if she doesn’t give him money. She has given him all her allowance and stolen jewelry from Tanya and Louisa to pay him.
Then one day, Lily’s stepdad’s colleague, Mr. Garside, notices her interacting with Peter in the street and asks if she’s okay. Lily surprises herself and tells Garside that Peter is blackmailing her. Garside threatens Peter if he doesn’t give him his phone. He then gives Lily a ride to a hotel. She feels better that night.
In the morning, she has breakfast with Garside, and he asks about her plans for the future. They go up to Lily’s room where Garside threatens to release the photo if Lily doesn’t perform sexual favors for him. Terrified, Lily flees. She spends the next few nights sleeping on friends’ couches and wandering the city, unsure what to do or where to go.
Louisa calls Camilla to inform her Lily is missing, and Tanya isn’t getting involved. Camilla takes Tanya’s number, insisting she’ll call her.
Louisa calls out of work to continue looking for Lily. She keeps asking Will for help and intermittently texts Sam. She calls Treena about the situation, too. During one call, she tells Treena about New York but insists she can’t take the job given Lily’s disappearance. Treena threatens to stop talking to her if she doesn’t take the opportunity.
Louisa has a revelation and drives to Martin’s house, convinced Lily might be there. Martin is confused, explaining he’s only seen or talked to Lily once since he and Tanya broke up. Defeated, Louisa continues driving around in search of Lily. Then Sam calls to say he found her sleeping at the hospital. Louisa races there and holds Lily in her arms.
Louisa takes Lily home. She spends two days sleeping. When she wakes back up, she studies the changes in Louisa’s space. The two go up to the garden together, where Louisa assures Lily she can tell her what happened. She shares a story from her past that she thinks might be similar to Lily’s situation. Lily listens intently before opening up about Peter and Garside. She explains that Garside still has the phone, and she’s afraid he’ll keep blackmailing her with the photo.
That evening, Sam comes over, and Louisa tells him about Lily’s situation. The two make a plan to confront Garside and retrieve the phone. With Lily’s help, they bait Garside. He agrees to come see Lily at Louisa’s apartment. When he arrives, Louisa and Sam emerge and demand that he give them the phone. Then a furious Louisa punches Garside in the face before he leaves. Afterward, she and Sam comfort and reassure Lily.
Lily’s disappearance from Louisa’s life further exemplifies The Complexity of Human Relationships After Loss. Because the relationship is both positive and negative, its evolution conveys the dangers and risks of opening one’s heart to new people after loss. In part, Lily’s presence in Louisa’s life opens her to new experiences and emotional possibilities and reminds her of who she used to be. She grows attached to Lily despite her unpredictable behaviors and adolescent moods because she is innately empathetic. At the same time, Lily’s inability to communicate openly with Louisa disrupts The Complicated Process of Grieving and Healing; Lily creates a tenuous living space for Louisa while she’s reestablishing a comfortable routine since losing Will. (For example, Lily comes and goes from Louisa’s apartment without notice, abuses Louisa’s space, and steals her valuable possessions.) Throwing Lily out of the flat is thus Louisa’s way of reclaiming agency over her life and her space; she cares for Lily but she also “misse[s] being on [her] own” and worries that navigating Lily’s situation is compromising her own healing and stability (171). At the same time, when Lily disappears for almost two weeks, Louisa feels powerless not to get involved. Lily’s connection to Will and Louisa’s lingering attachment to him compels her to invest in Lily’s life even more than her own.
Therefore, Louisa’s complex relationship with Lily creates metaphoric detours and roadblocks in her healing and personal growth journeys. Their dynamic comes to a head when Lily steals her jewelry, and Louisa kicks her out. In the wake of this falling out, Louisa in part blames herself for failing to “ma[k]e [Lily] feel safe. And loved” (177). She feels responsible for Lily because Lily has experienced so much pain and rejection in her young life. Furthermore, in failing Lily, Louisa worries that she’s failed Will and let herself down, too:
I understood I could not stay in the flat that Will’s legacy had bought me. It felt as if it were steeped in my failures, a bonus prize I had failed to earn. How could you make a home in a place that had come to you for all the wrong reasons? I would sell it and invest the money somewhere. But where would I go instead? (182).
Louisa’s guilt over the apartment and Will’s legacy directly stems from her broken relationship with Lily. After Lily leaves, Louisa can feel “the peculiar weight of the silence that result[s] when you [know] without doubt that nobody but you [will] be in your home” (182). With Lily, Louisa had begun to create the semblance of home and family; without her, she has pushed away these opportunities. Louisa, in turn, begins to question her self-worth. She starts to question herself, her experience, and even her relationship with the late Will because of Lily’s proximity and subsequent absence.
Louisa and Lily’s dynamic therefore shows how both loss and love can influence the individual’s self-regard, particularly amidst the grieving process. In particular, Louisa’s involvement with Lily keeps her from taking care of herself; Louisa’s character is accustomed to prioritizing others’ needs before her own, and worrying about Lily is the perfect distraction from making changes in her own life. For these reasons, Louisa’s grief group leader, Marc, reminds Louisa not to put Lily’s pain and sorrow before her own. Sometimes, he tells her, “moving on means we do have to protect ourselves”; because Lily has “brought chaos and negativity into [her] life,” Marc goes on, it’s been impossible for Louisa to care for herself and to focus on her grieving process (192). Louisa isn’t a dismissive character, but she ultimately has to follow her heart instead of taking Marc’s, Sam’s, and Treena’s advice—a decision in part inspired by her fear of betraying Lily and Will, and her sense of herself as an innate caretaker. This complicated relational dynamic conveys Louisa’s desperation for meaning and purpose—something she’s often found in helping others. As a selfless character, Louisa can perceive Lily’s need and ultimately rescue her from an exploitative situation. Their relationship therefore has value (as both need each other in different ways), but Louisa has yet to strike a balance between them to help Lily and herself at the same time.
Meanwhile, Louisa’s relationship with Sam, investment in her apartment, and New York work opportunity illustrate The Impact of Unexpected Life Changes. Just 18 months after Will’s death, Louisa didn’t intend to form such an intimate bond with someone like Sam. This relationship proves transformative for Louisa because Sam is supportive and kind, strong and intuitive. The two readily establish a balanced relational dynamic which reminds Louisa of the transformative powers of human intimacy. In turn, this relationship encourages Louisa to engage with her space for the first time since moving in. She decorates and furnishes the flat, transforming it into a more comfortable home. Louisa also interviews for a new job in New York. Although she doesn’t think she’ll get it and doesn’t plan to take it if she does, simply pursuing the opportunity feels like progress to Louisa. These plot points show how Louisa making changes in her life after losing a loved one creates pathways to renewal.



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