All Fours

Two weeks pass. The narrator’s relationship with Harris remains strained. One day, she invites her “married friends in their forties and fifties” (227) to visit her one by one in Room 321. During each visit, she asks about their marriages and real desires. They tell her their secret fantasies and relationship dreams. She feels hopeful that many want what she wants but still isn’t sure her new arrangement with Harris will last. One friend tells her she thinks that contemporary culture has made marriage difficult.

Between visits, the narrator notices that the bathroom tiles in Room 321 are different. They’re supposed to make a circular star pattern, but three tiles in the pattern were previously missing. Now the tiles are there. Skip informs her that Davey replaced them. She wonders if they might now make a portal.

Harris informs the narrator that he’s throwing a party for Caro. The narrator insists on attending, though Harris doesn’t seem to want her there. He hasn’t made eye contact with her in weeks. She relays the situation to Jordi, who suggests that she try to reestablish some connection point with Harris, like their old salute. However, the narrator can’t find the right time.

The narrator’s dad calls to tell her about her mom’s menopause. He says that her menopause was so severe that she couldn’t cope and moved out.

The narrator attends the party with Harris. She’s surprised to find that she likes Caro. When she observes Caro interacting with Harris, she realizes that they’re not having an affair but have a special connection. While cleaning up afterward, the narrator has a panic attack.

Tim Yoon calls the narrator and informs her that the telephotographer was from a real estate company that leaves ads in people’s mailboxes showing the relative prices of homes in the neighborhood so that people know their homes’ worth. He then informs her that Brian recently died of kidney disease.

She tells Harris about Brian’s death and the telephotographer. He asks to see the real estate ad of their home. The photo shows her in the upstairs window, wearing her pink robe. He tells her to put on the robe, but she recently took it to Goodwill. She puts on a nightie instead. Harris pretends he’s the photographer, and they have sex while role-playing. They stay in character while talking afterward.

After calling Jordi to tell her what happened with Harris, the narrator goes to Goodwill and buys back her robe. That night, she wears it, and she and Harris roleplay and have sex again. They continue talking about their relationship while in character. The next night, they do it again. During postcoital conversation, she tells Harris about her past as a dancer, and he doesn’t seem to mind.

The next morning, the narrator and Harris don’t talk until they realize something is wrong with Smokey. His fur is matted and knotted around his anus, and he can’t defecate. The couple works together to cut out the knots and clean him up.

Afterward, Harris tells her that he still doesn’t like her dance video and asks if it was for someone else. She admits she slept with a woman that night in Monrovia. Then they agree that they can both date other people.

Two months later, Harris tells the narrator he’s dating an old acquaintance named Paige. Paige calls her shortly thereafter, and they have an uncomfortable conversation. Toward the end of the call, the narrator realizes they’ll have to follow the new rules of their arrangement. She realizes that Harris will be monogamous with Paige and tells him they should stop having sex.

While attending a gallery opening with Jordi, the narrator makes eyes at artist Lore Estes’s ex-girlfriend, Kris, throughout the night. She messages her on the ride home, and Kris responds. They make plans to meet up at Room 321. On the appointed night, she doesn’t know how to feel about Kris and wonders if anything will happen. Eventually, they start touching and kissing and have sex. The next night, she tells Harris about Kris.

The narrator starts seeing Kris regularly. Sometimes they meet in Monrovia, and sometimes they meet in Oakland. They start getting more serious, but the narrator tells Harris she isn’t committing because that “would defeat the whole point” (271) of their arrangement.

The narrator is thrilled with her new arrangement and tells Jordi about it one night. Jordi is glad she’s happy but doubts that most married people could do the same. This saddens the narrator, but she generally feels better and has almost forgotten she’s menopausal. She and Jordi stop for dessert, and the narrator has another flashback to Sam’s birth in the checkout line. Jordi shepherds her outside. In the car, the narrator tries to find the FMH forum, but it has been taken down.

The narrator and Kris meet up again. Kris informs her that an artist acquaintance named Elsa Penbrook-Gibbard has been showing interest in her. During sex, the narrator pretends to be Elsa.

The narrator and Harris decide to tell Sam about their arrangement. They write a speech and nervously present it to Sam one night. Sam takes the news better than expected.

While visiting her doctor for a checkup, the narrator asks more about menopause. The answer is unsettling. Afterward, she starts a texting poll with her friends, asking about their menopausal experiences. She’s moved by the rapidity, number, and intimacy of the responses.

The narrator tells her friends about her arrangement with Harris. They’re supportive but admit they could never do the same in their marriages. Feeling alone, the narrator meets up with Paige. She’s the only one who fully understands.

The narrator flies to Oakland to see Kris. She notices that Kris is acting strangely as soon as she arrives. Kris tells her she doesn’t think they’re working together and wants to break up. Shocked and furious, the narrator tears off the little buckle ring Kris gave her recently, storms out, and drives to her friend Sharon’s house. In the morning, she texts Kris an apology and asks if she can come over. Kris informs her that she slept with Elsa. The narrator feels confused and desperate. Back at home, she tells Harris what happened. Over the next few days, she continues to text Kris. Kris won’t see her and doesn’t want to discuss the situation. Jordi tries to comfort her in the meantime, but the narrator is so inconsolable she can’t even eat and loses weight over the following weeks.

One night, Harris goes to see Paige and leaves the narrator alone with Sam. She still feels so upset that she closes herself in the bathroom and struggles to come out. She thinks about everything that happened, realizing she’s in the deathfield. When she emerges, Sam shows her his Lego creation. It fits into every corner in the house.

The narrator attends a friends’ potluck with Jordi but can’t engage for most of the evening. Then a woman named Tara introduces herself as one of Arkanda’s former assistants. She tells the narrator the real reason Arkanda wanted to meet with her was because she experienced FMH too.

Tara and Liza arrange a meeting between the narrator and Arkanda in Room 321. In preparation, the narrator buys a gift basket and dons her best outfit. However, when she arrives, she’s furious to discover that Room 321 is booked and Skip put Arkanda in 322.

The narrator and Arkanda chat about Arkanda’s work for the first part of the meeting. Then Arkanda has them pat each other down to neutralize the energy. Afterward, they share their FMH experiences. They repeatedly say how unbelievable it all was. Shortly thereafter, Arkanda leaves and the narrator feels better. She sleeps deeply in Room 322. When she wakes up, she feels as if she has just arrived in Monrovia for the first time. Then she starts writing about everything that happened to her there.

Four years later, the narrator flies to New York for the first stop on her book tour. En route, she thinks about Davey and considers texting him. She sends him a message about the bathroom tiles once she settles into her hotel. Davey responds, saying he’s doing a dance performance in the city the next night, and invites her to come.

The narrator calls Jordi, suddenly feeling dizzy and sick. Jordi suggests that she has vertigo and helps her perform a few exercises to reposition the crystal in her ear.

When she arrives at the dance venue for Davey’s performance, the narrator is shocked by how packed it is. As soon as Davey and Dev appear on stage, she realizes that everyone feels what she feels for Davey. She hopes he’ll mess up the performance so that everyone will stop admiring him, but he doesn’t. Finally, she sinks into the dance. At the end, Davey jumps into the air. As he does, the narrator thinks about everything she experienced and about her relationship with him. She realizes how silly her possessiveness was. When the performance is over, everyone (including the narrator) is crying. She feels grateful as she steps outside.