61 pages • 2-hour read
All the Way to the River: Love, Loss, and Liberation
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Key Figures
Rayya Elias
Rayya Elias was an American musician, filmmaker, author and hairdresser. Elias was born in Syria and moved to Detroit, Michigan as a child. During her rebellious youth, Elias became addicted to numerous street drugs and endured stints of homelessness. After becoming clean and sober, Elias rebuilt her life, participating in recovery programs and working as a hairdresser while maintaining creative practices in music and filmmaking. Later in life she published a memoir, Harley Loco, about her addiction and recovery. Elias died of pancreatic and liver cancer in 2018.
Gilbert explains that she met Elias when she became her hairdressing client. Eventually, Elias became a close friend and, later, Gilbert’s partner. Gilbert presents Elias as a larger-than-life woman with a gregarious, irreverent personality and intense compassion for others. Gilbert recalls how Elias’ assertive demeanor and skill as a “social magician” made her feel safe and helped the two bond closely (78). Gilbert also acknowledges Elias’ complex inner life as she struggled with managing her addiction up until her death. Nevertheless, Gilbert shares her love for Elias and believes that their experiences together taught her invaluable lessons.
Bill Wilson
Bill Wilson was an American businessman best known for co-founding Alcoholics Anonymous. As a young man Wilson struggled with alcoholism, but after having a spiritual experience during a medical treatment, he gave up alcohol forever. He joined the Oxford Group, a spiritual community of men trying to overcome compulsive behaviors. Wilson helped other alcoholics become sober, encouraging them to explore spirituality as a remedy for their addiction. Along with one of the men he helped, Wilson co-founded Alcoholics Anonymous in the late 1930s. He remained sober for decades until his death in 1971. Today, Alcoholics Anonymous has millions of members across the US and Canada and continues to offer free meetings to all.
In her work Gilbert celebrates Wilson’s interest in spirituality and attributes the success of his recovery program to his belief in a higher power. Gilbert writes, “This subtle yet emboldening concept—that the only higher power that can set you free is the higher power of your own understanding—has always been one of the keys to the success of the twelve-step program” (139). She connects this with her experience of love and sex addiction, admitting that her own plans made her life chaotic, but embracing spirituality has helped her overcome her old habits.
Stacey
Stacey is a minor but important figure in Gilbert’s memoir. Gilbert explains that Stacey is one of Rayya Elias’s ex-girlfriends with whom she remained friendly. After Rayya’s relapse into active addiction, Gilbert told her that they could no longer live together. Rayya flew to Detroit to stay with Stacey, who insisted that she must manage Rayya’s care and outings. Stacey remained Rayya’s caregiver and a crucial part of her support system up until her death.
Gilbert portrays Stacey as a kind and generous person who had the strength to love Rayya the way she needed at the time. The author emphasizes Stacey’s selflessness in caring for her ex-girlfriend in her darkest hour as Rayya detoxed from hard drugs and suffered cancer symptoms simultaneously. Gilbert shares her admiration for Stacey’s kind but firm approach to Rayya’s care. She admits that at first she was “massively jealous” of Stacey, writing, “Stacey’s miraculous competence and decency made me feel like a total failure” (262). However, Gilbert came to realize that Stacey was helping both Rayya and her, and calls her an “angel” for all the kindness and grace she showed them both.
Carl Jung
Carl Jung was a Swiss psychoanalyst famed for his work on the subconscious, personality, and individuation. A protégé of Sigmund Freud, Jung became one of the most influential psychoanalysts of the 20th century. In her work Gilbert discusses how Jung’s insightful advice inadvertently influenced the formation of the recovery support group Alcoholics Anonymous in the United States. Jung had tried to help an American named Rowland H. to overcome his severe addiction to alcohol, but struggled to help the man resist his addiction. His last-ditch advice to the man was to embrace spirituality and find some kind of spiritual community to join, since spiritual transformations seemed to help people change their ways for good. This prompted Rowland H. to return to America and join the Oxford Group, a newly formed spiritual community which did not have a hierarchy, scriptures or a particular theology. Instead, its members simply listened for God’s guidance. Soon after, Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, was inspired by the success of the Oxford Group and modeled his recovery organization after it. Years later, Bill Wilson wrote a letter of gratitude to Jung, thanking him for his kind advice to Rowland H. and explaining how it helped the founding of A.A.
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