Are You Mad at Me?: How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You

Josephson explores how the fawning trauma response manifests physically in the body, drawing extensively from her personal experiences with chronic acid reflux, hair loss, disordered eating, and health anxiety throughout her late teens and early 20s. She argues that fawning disconnects individuals from their bodies, creating a cycle where unprocessed emotions manifest as physical ailments. Josephson describes how her body attempted to communicate distress through symptoms like stomach acid, hair loss, and muscle tension—signals she initially failed to recognize as trauma responses.

The chapter emphasizes that Western medicine’s separation of mind and body contrasts sharply with ancient healing traditions. Josephson notes that Eastern practices like Ayurveda and traditional Chinese medicine have recognized the mind-body connection for thousands of years, while Western medicine only began studying this relationship seriously in the 1960s through pioneers like George Solomon and Herbert Benson. This contextualization highlights how relatively recent this understanding is in Western medical practice, though it acknowledges that many readers may already be familiar with these concepts through the growing mainstream acceptance of holistic health approaches in contemporary wellness culture.

A particularly significant section addresses the disproportionate impact of stress and trauma on women, especially women of color. Josephson cites research showing that 60-80% of primary care visits are stress-related and that nearly 80% of autoimmune diseases are diagnosed in women, with chronic stress and suppressed emotions potentially contributing to immune dysfunction (146). She extends this analysis to discuss intergenerational trauma, explaining how unprocessed pain from previous generations can alter genetic expression and create heightened stress responses in descendants. This discussion is especially timely given the increasing research on epigenetics and the growing cultural conversation about collective trauma, particularly regarding communities affected by systemic oppression.

The chapter’s practical recommendations center on reconnecting with the body through breathwork and grounding exercises. Josephson explains that shallow breathing keeps individuals stuck in sympathetic nervous system activation (survival mode), while deep diaphragmatic breathing stimulates the vagus nerve and activates the parasympathetic nervous system (rest mode). She advocates for starting slowly with body-based practices, using the metaphor of “dipping our toes in discomfort” rather than diving into overwhelming experiences (151). This advice reflects trauma-informed approaches that have gained prominence in therapeutic settings over the past two decades, emphasizing gradual exposure and safety-building as essential components of healing.

Chapter Lessons

• Chronic fawning keeps the body in survival mode, flooding it with stress hormones and preventing proper healing, rest, and restoration of bodily functions like digestion and immune response.
• The Western medical model’s separation of mind and body contrasts with ancient healing traditions that have long understood their interconnection, and this fragmentation can leave stress-related symptoms unaddressed or dismissed.
• Intergenerational trauma demonstrates that individuals carry not only their own unprocessed pain but also the trauma of previous generations through both genetic markers and learned behavioral patterns, particularly affecting marginalized communities.
• Reconnecting with the body requires starting slowly with accessible practices like breathwork and grounding exercises, building tolerance for discomfort gradually rather than forcing immediate transformation.

Reflection Questions

• Josephson describes various physical symptoms that emerged from her unprocessed emotions and trauma. Have you noticed any patterns in your own body where physical symptoms might be connected to emotional stress or unaddressed feelings?
• Josephson discusses how intergenerational trauma can be passed down through both genetic expression and learned behaviors. What patterns, beliefs, or stress responses have you noticed in your own family that might reflect inherited trauma, and how might understanding this lineage change your relationship to your own healing journey?