Atmosphere: A Love Story

Vanessa thinks about saving Griff and Lydia as she enters the airlock to fix the latches. She inspects the damage and realizes that the door is warped and may not seal all the way. Each of the door’s four sides has eight latches, and several look too damaged to close. As she works, she thinks about Steve, who was like an older brother to her. He once told her that mentoring her was part of the legacy he hoped to leave behind.

In Mission Control, the monitors show that Griff is in danger. A few minutes later, he dies. Jack tells Joan not to inform Vanessa. They need her to focus on the latches, or no one will make it home alive. Over the feed, Vanessa explains that she has sealed four latches but that some are too broken to close. Joan assures her that the shuttle can handle a few unlatched ones and advises her to move on to the next set.

Vanessa acknowledges the order and moves on. Four latches on one side and all eight on another side will not close. Joan admits that they aren’t confident the shuttle can withstand the heat of reentry with that many open. She advises Vanessa to try to tighten as many latches as she can. Vanessa objects that this will take too long, and she’ll lose her current deorbit time. She asks if Griff and Lydia can afford to lose that much time.

Joan finally informs Vanessa that Griff died. She adds that if Vanessa continues with the latches, she’ll lose her entry point to land at Edwards and the next viable option will be in 12 hours. Vanessa asks how long Lydia can survive, and Joan hesitates.

The 19 candidates of Group 9 have completed their training and are now officially astronauts. Joan calls Barbara and Frances to share the news. That night, everyone celebrates. Hank and Donna announce that they’re engaged. Joan feels dismayed that Donna is giving up her career to be Hank’s wife but doesn’t say so. After most people have gone home, Joan, Vanessa, Lydia, and Griff stay behind. Lydia is drunk and says that she didn’t believe all the women would make it through, especially Vanessa, whom she calls a “glorified mechanic,” and Joan, whom she considers as meek as “a tiny little baby mouse” (164).

Lydia asserts that she has always been the smartest person in the room and didn’t think she needed to learn anything from anyone, but now acknowledges that Vanessa and Joan “must have something going for you that I don’t have” (165). Vanessa is angry, but Joan understands that Lydia is, in her own self-centered way, trying to admit that she has something to learn from them. Griff offers to drive Lydia home.

Vanessa drives Joan home, and they step into her apartment to talk. Vanessa describes a recurring dream: She’s lying in her casket at her funeral listening to her mother cry about how much of life Vanessa missed out on, like falling in love, getting married, and having a family. Vanessa says that, unlike her, Joan lives “in a world where time is on [her] side” (167). Joan says she doesn’t understand, and Vanessa retorts that she only pretends not to understand. Joan shares her own recurring dream, in which she’s doing something simple like making dinner or reading a book. One thing is always the same: She’s always alone. Finally, she says she understands that Vanessa won’t wait forever. Vanessa corrects her, saying: “I’m scared I will wait forever […] and it will kill me” (168). Joan kisses her. For the first time, she realizes that Donna isn’t foolish for loving Hank.

A week later, Vanessa suggests that they go away for a weekend together, and Joan agrees. They drive to Rockport, a coastal town several hours away from Clear Lake, where they don’t have to fear being seen by someone they know. They share a hotel room and make love. That evening, they go to dinner. Joan is afraid of being seen, but Vanessa explains that anyone will simply assume that they’re friends. At home, they’ll have to be careful but here no one will think anything of it.

At dinner, Vanessa says that no one ever understood how she felt about flying. Trying to describe her feelings was like “trying to describe the color blue to someone who has never seen it” (177), but somehow Joan can put it into words for her in a way no one else could.

Later, they lie in bed. While they talk, Vanessa notices a rash breaking out on Joan’s arms. Embarrassed, Joan explains that she had the rash once before when her parents took her to Disneyland as a child and let her be in charge rather than Barbara, for once. The rash was a reaction to her excitement. Delighted, Vanessa laughs and says that Joan’s being so excited about her that she breaks out in hives “might just be the most romantic moment of [her] life” (180).

On the outside, Joan’s life is the same. She works and spends time with Frances. She and Vanessa are careful not to hover around each other too often while at work. In private, however, they spend every available moment together, driving separately but often staying overnight at each other’s places.

One night, Joan asks if Vanessa’s mother knows about her. Vanessa explains that her mother is Catholic. If her mother suspects, she keeps it to herself. The conversation turns to religion. Vanessa doesn’t believe in God and resents when her mother tries to drag her to Mass. Joan, on the other hand, explains that she does believe in a God, though not necessarily the Christian version.

Early in childhood, she realized that the Christian version of God was incompatible with science, but she believes God exists in science. Paraphrasing Spinoza, she says, “God is the universe. The unfolding of the universe is God in action. Which would mean science and math are part of God” (187). Moreover, human beings and every living thing are part of the universe and are therefore also part of God. Joan views every life as connected and considers no one alone. Vanessa compares this to flying over the Rockies and being awed by its beauty. She says she’ll take Joan someday. She tells Joan she loves her, and Joan says it back.

One day, Joan invites Vanessa to come with her to pick up Frances from school. Vanessa declines, saying that she hadn’t planned on them meeting each other’s families. Joan tries to hide her disappointment, and Vanessa says she’ll think about it.