Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality

Awareness (1990) is a posthumously published work of spiritual philosophy by Anthony de Mello, an Jesuit priest and psychotherapist from India who was known for his integration of global wisdom traditions. Compiled from the recordings of a live conference, the book preserves a direct, conversational style and blends Christian mysticism, Eastern parables, and modern psychology to explore the spiritual process of enlightenment, which de Mello refers to as “awareness.” Essentially, de Mello argues that happiness is achieved only by practicing detached self-observation in order to awaken from the metaphorical sleep of societal conditioning. In his view, this process dissolves the illusions and attachments that cause suffering. The text uses an anecdotal approach to explore themes such as The Importance of Embracing Awareness, Nonattachment as a Path to Authentic Love, and The Failure of Religion without Awareness.

This guide refers to the 1992 Image Books edition.

Content Warning: The source material and this guide contain descriptions of mental illness, physical illness, and death. The source text also contains ableist language and employs offensive terminology to refer to unhoused people, sex workers, and people with intellectual disabilities.

Plot Summary

Throughout the book, Jesuit priest Anthony de Mello addresses a Christian audience and proceeds from the assumption that his listeners share his religious background. He begins by defining spirituality as the act of “waking up.” He asserts that most people live and die “asleep”: trapped in a mechanical nightmare of social conditioning that prevents them from perceiving the undiluted beauty of existence. He tells a wry story about a father who tries repeatedly to wake up his son Jaime, urging him that he must go to school. The son stolidly refuses, until in exasperation, the father exclaims that Jaime must go to school because he is 45 years old and is also the headmaster. De Mello states, “Most people tell you they want to get out of kindergarten, but don't believe them” (5). He argues that people do not truly want to be cured of their unhappiness; instead, they just want to have their broken “toys” (e.g., jobs and relationships) mended. De Mello declares that he will not try to wake anyone up; he will simply present his ideas. He contends that all feelings, including love and trust, are self-generated illusions. He asserts that people never truly love others; instead, they only love their own prejudiced ideas of another person.

De Mello posits that the first step to awakening is admitting that one does not want to be unconditionally happy. He challenges the listener to mentally tell a loved one, “I’d rather have happiness than have you” (9), explaining that the guilt a person feels upon making such a proclamation is really just a product of societal brainwashing. He contrasts psychology with spirituality, claiming that the former offers temporary relief that can keep people asleep, while spirituality makes people uncomfortable in order to effect a complete cure. He declares that the entire world is “crazy” because it operates on false ideas about love and happiness, and he emphasizes that every great new idea, like those of Jesus or Buddha, is initially seen as blasphemy.

Building on this, de Mello deconstructs a series of core Christian beliefs, beginning with the concepts of renunciation and charity. He argues that renouncing something only ties one to that thing forever, while true freedom comes from “seeing through” a desire until it naturally drops away. He then claims that all charity is an expression of self-interest, from the straightforward act of pleasing oneself to the more refined approach of pleasing others in order to feel good about oneself. Seeking to shock his devout audience, he contends that even seemingly selfless acts like martyrdom are often motivated by a person’s “brainwashing” (i.e., social conditioning) or by their desire to gain a reward—even an intangible one. He points to Christian biblical teachings to argue that the purest good deeds are done “unconsciously,” and he contends that “religion is not […] necessarily connected with spirituality” (21).

He contends that this self-interest is universal and then conveys his belief that acknowledging that truth is liberating because doing so dismantles pride and eliminates the possibility of being disappointed in others. When one sees that everyone is spiritually “asleep” and acting in their own self-interest, one can never again feel let down or rejected.

De Mello then introduces the central practice that leads to spiritual awakening: self-observation without judgment or attachment. This approach involves watching one’s own thoughts and feelings as if they were happening to someone else, without personalizing them or identifying with them. He draws a sharp distinction between the unchanging, detached observer (the “I”) and the conditioned, transient self (the “me”). In his view, the “me” is formed of a collection of labels, such as one’s name, career, religion, place of origin, or other arbitrary concepts. He then states that all suffering arises when a person mistakenly identifies the “I” with these labels, none of which can truly encapsulate or define the self. An awakened person can act effectively against injustice but is not clouded by negative emotions like anger or hate. He challenges the conventional understanding of grief, arguing it stems from making one’s happiness dependent on another person. This emotional dependency, which he defines as demanding others make you happy, leads to fear and control, destroying love.

De Mello explains that true happiness, which he calls anand (bliss), is the natural state of human beings, and that it can only be found by dropping one’s illusions—not by attaining goals, titles, or physical possessions. The primary method for dropping illusions is awareness, which he illustrates with a story of a master who, when asked for wisdom, repeatedly writes the word “awareness.”

Through this practice, one can reach a state in which one is unaffected by success, failure, praise, or blame. He outlines a four-step program for wisdom. First, identify the negative feeling. Then understand that the feeling is generated within you and not by external reality, as no person or event has the power to make you unhappy. He then urges people not to identify with this feeling, as it is not the “I.” Finally, he tells people that when they themselves change, everything around them changes.

De Mello insists that the “problem” in any given situation is always the individual, not the world. He tells a dark fable to illustrate that life is a mystery and that suffering cannot be explained by formulas. In his view, the only way to correct the perceived problems of the world is to awaken oneself spiritually, after which the so-called “problems” will vanish as the illusions that they always were. He states that this internal change cannot be forced by exerting effort or willpower, as this tactic only creates more internal conflict. Instead, people should seek understanding of the world, as it makes no sense to try to change something that one does not understand. He gives an example of a priest whose “laziness” is only cured when he stops trying to systematically change his behavior and instead gains insight into its root cause: a past disappointment. De Mello compares the two approaches to the difference between pushing a broken-down car and fixing the engine, asserting that true change happens through you, not by you.

Finally, de Mello explores the limitations of words and concepts, claiming that these tools of the mind essentially freeze, fragment, and distort an objective reality that is flowing, whole, and constantly changing. He quotes Krishnamurti, “The day you teach the child the name of the bird, the child will never see that bird again” (121) to show that labels overgeneralize and erase individual nuances, preventing people from achieving true perception.

Even the concept of “God,” he argues, can be the final barrier to experiencing the true essence of God. The path to freedom is to break out of this conceptual prison by returning to the senses and observing reality directly. This breaks the addiction to what he calls the ultimate drug: people’s need for approval, appreciation, and social success. In his view, this addiction makes people lose their freedom and their capacity for authentic love. He claims that the cure is to renounce the need for people and embrace aloneness—not loneliness, but a solitude in which the desert of the self blossoms into universal love. He concludes with a parable about a man who invents fire. After the man is killed by priests who feel threatened by this new element, they place his portrait and tools on an altar for people to worship. The worship continues for centuries, but there is no fire. De Mello asks, “Where’s the fire?” and explains that the point of spirituality is to generate love and freedom through awareness, not to get lost in the rituals of religion.