Belonging: A German Reckons with History and Home

“How do you know who you are, if you don’t understand where you come from?”

This question thematically illustrates Finding One’s Homeland and a Place to Belong, asking how one can understand themselves without understanding their family history. Krug’s inquiry is a reflective moment implying that knowing one’s cultural and familial origins is essential to the process of self-discovery. A major idea in Krug’s investigation of her family’s Nazi ties is that identity is not fixed but rather influenced by the historical background and inherited memories of one’s ancestry.

“The longer I’ve lived away from Germany, the more elusive my idea of my identity becomes. My HEIMAT is an echo, a forgotten word once called into the mountains.

An unrecognizable reverberation.”

These words appear against the backdrop of an exploded building with Nazis standing below, illustrating the difficulty of connecting to Heimat (homeland), which represents both physical and emotional belonging. Krug’s reference to it as an “echo” and a “forgotten word” reflects her disconnection from her origins, showing that Heimat is not always a clear, comforting space but can be elusive or even impossible to find. The use of “unrecognizable reverberation” conveys the sense of loss and disintegration of her connection to Germany and its culture.

“I’m given the first German flag I’ve ever touched, but because I cannot bring myself to wave it, I discreetly slip it into my bag, only to be given another, then another, then another.”

Krug communicates her deep internal conflict regarding her German identity and the emotional weight of the past. The act of receiving the German flag but refusing to wave it illustrates her discomfort with the symbol of her homeland given its association with Nazi history. The repeated offering of flags symbolizes the pressure to embrace this identity, yet her inability to engage with it openly reflects her struggle to reconcile the past with her present self. The flag here symbolizes inherited guilt and national trauma, emphasizing the difficulty of embracing a national identity stained by history.

“I see deep, fern-filled forests to be hiked with furry leather backpacks and walking sticks.”

Krug uses alliteration by repeating the “f” sound, which gives the description a rhythmic quality. The alliteration draws attention to the picturesque and serene aspects of nature, contrasting with the underlying tension in her exploration of her heritage. German culture is deeply attached to the setting of forests. The imagery of hiking with “furry leather backpacks” and “walking sticks” provides a nostalgic vision of Germany’s landscapes that contrasts with the brutality of its more recent past.

“And as I look, I feel as though someone were watching me from behind.”

This quote suggests Krug’s deep, almost existential connection to the past, as if it were constantly lurking behind her. The phrase is both literal and metaphorical: It implies surveillance by the historical and familial forces she was investigating as well as the lingering guilt and trauma of the Nazi era. This feeling of being watched thematically showcases The Personal and Moral Implications of Inherited History.

“This is the closest I’ve ever been to my brother.”

Krug recounts how her father reflected on a rare emotional connection with his brother, whom he never knew but whose shadow he lived in. His words speak to the idea of inherited history, which is evident through his experience as the younger brother of someone whom others admired and who died too young.

“Despite the mustache—which fell out of fashion soon after the war ended—Alois little resembles a fervent Hitler supporter in his photographs.”

The mention of Alois’s mustache and the observation that he did not look like a “fervent Hitler supporter” shows Krug’s attempts to reason through her family’s past and prove their innocence. She challenges readers to reconsider the assumptions about people based on their appearance or political affiliations. This encourages people to consider the moral and historical legacies of their relatives.

“He giggles mischievously when he tells me these stories, and for a short moment he manages to bridge the abyss that lies between him and his difficult childhood.”

This moment of “mischievous” laughter juxtaposes the tension between humor and trauma. Krug’s ability to briefly connect with a family member through shared stories of the past shows how humor can help people cope with painful memories. It emphasizes the emotional distance created by the trauma of their histories, while also illustrating the power of stories as a vehicle for emotional healing.

“When Maria died, he returned to the old farmhouse, took some of his brother’s photographs and exercise books, and left—only returning in his dreams.”

This quote demonstrates how pain and grief endure in a family even after death and relates to The Connections Between Collective and Personal Memory as a theme. Though going back to the farmhouse represents a torturous attempt to reestablish a connection with the past, the fact that it is “only in his dreams” implies that returning to or retrieving a lost home is impossible. The phrase “photographs and exercise books” illustrates how people often attach memories to tangible items, but these items cannot fully reflect the historical and emotional truth of the past.

“Why didn’t you ever ask your mother about the war?”

This direct question emphasizes the silence and unspoken histories within Krug’s family and German society as a whole. The inquiry about not asking her mother about the war points to the generational gap in confronting the traumatic past, suggesting that Krug’s mother, like many others, may have avoided confronting painful truths. It shows how families often struggle to discuss and process the horrors of war and the Nazi legacy, thereby leaving gaps in both personal and collective memory.

“Finally, my emotions catch up with me. For the first time, I feel my family’s loss. And through this loss, I feel the gap between me and Willi shrink.”

In this moment of emotional realization, Krug confronts The Personal and Moral Implications of Inherited History as a theme. Acknowledging her family’s pain allows her to connect more deeply with Willi, a figure previously shrouded in mystery and doubt. She experienced two losses: personal (her connection to her family) and historical (the broader sense of loss associated with Nazi crimes). This emotional shift signals a moment of reconciliation in understanding her family’s complicated past.

“Here is my uncle, frozen in time.”

Krug metaphorically communicates a sense of the permanence of the past. She depicts her uncle, in this moment, as a static figure whose life was cut short by war. This phrase suggests that his legacy, whether positive or negative, is sealed in history, unchangeable and beyond the reach of present understanding or correction.

“I have to take a detour to the archive because another undetonated WWII bomb was recently discovered during the construction of a new shopping center.”

The discovery of an undetonated World War II bomb during the construction of a shopping center is a metaphor for how, despite efforts to move forward, the past continues to surface and disrupt the present, thematically illustrating The Personal and Moral Implications of Inherited History. As a literal remnant of war, the bomb was a dangerous artifact that forced a detour in Krug’s journey. This provides commentary on how the weight of history frequently interferes with progress and on how postwar society is built atop the remnants of darkness.

“Was Willi among the 17,886 who voted for the Social Democrats?”

This question reflects Krug’s ongoing quest to understand the political and moral positions of her relatives, particularly Willi. It shows her attempt to unravel the complexities of her family’s involvement in the Nazi era and relates to her inherited history. Krug grappled with whether Willi might have shown any resistance to the regime or if he was complicit, further complicating her emotional and historical investigation into his past.

“The square was just a few blocks away. If he was curious, he would have walked toward the crowd.”

This quote illustrates the ambiguity of Willi’s actions during a pivotal historical moment. Krug suggests that Willi’s decision to stay away from the crowd might signify a lack of active participation or a moment of indifference rather than direct resistance. This quote relates to the memoir’s motif regarding the dichotomy of good versus evil.

“I can see the deserted town hall square and its medieval fountain. Hot-pink geraniums hang down from it like thirsty tongues. Bearded sandstorm faces spout water from their yawning mouths. Right behind the fountain, a crucified Jesus is watching, just as he watched that day in 1939. It says in chiseled letters beneath his bleeding feet, ES IST VOLLBRACHT (It Is Done).”

This description of the fountain in Külsheim is highly symbolic and meaningful. The fountain, with its medieval design and grotesque faces, becomes a representation of the past, containing both memory and guilt. The image of Christ crucified behind the fountain ties religious symbolism to historical trauma, reinforcing the idea of suffering and judgment. The inscription “ES IST VOLLBRACHT” (it is done) is a reminder of finality, both the completion of the atrocities and the inability to undo them.

“Blonde? I wonder. A leader? My uncle?”

Krug’s questioning tone suggests self-doubt about her perception of her uncle’s physical appearance or his potential role in history, challenging preconceived notions of authority and power. By juxtaposing physical features like “blonde” with the role of “leader,” Krug integrates stereotypes linking to Nazi-era imagery and the confusion surrounding her uncle’s true involvement in the past.

“The first thing I do when I get off the plane in Germany is look for the nearest bakery. The perfect bread is big and heavy—dark, hard, and crusty on the outside, and glutinous and sour on the inside. Its smell reminds me of the forest.”

This quote emphasizes Krug’s connection to Heimat (home), where food, specifically bread, becomes a symbol of Finding One’s Homeland and a Place to Belong as a theme. The bread’s smell, evoking the forest, links to Krug’s exploration of German culture and communicates a desire to return to simpler times. More broadly, this moment reflects the tension between the personal, sensory experiences that connect one to the land and the larger historical and emotional baggage that such connections carry.

“Standing here, I feel like a half-empty room with infinite layers of wallpaper, each one exposing what was there before.”

The metaphor of a “half-empty room” with “infinite layers of wallpaper” thematically supports The Connections Between Collective and Personal Memory and the complex experience of uncovering family history. Krug suggests that her identity and understanding of her family’s past were like layers of wallpaper that could not be easily peeled away. Each discovery brought both clarity and more questions.

“My cats have spotted me and come running, hurdling over the fences that divide us. They cry and purr and circle my legs to tell me that their bowls are almost empty. What do they know about war and history and guilt?”

This passage juxtaposes the innocence of the cats with the heavy burden of history. The cats are a metaphor for a simpler, more direct way of existence, untouched by the weight of history, leading her to reflect on her entanglement with her family’s past and the guilt she felt. This contrast emphasizes Krug’s emotional isolation.

“I know nothing about the man whom I’m about to call. Now, at least, I have the face of his house to look at.”

Krug’s words convey her experiences of estrangement and the process of slowly building connections to the past. By stating that she knew “nothing” about this man, Krug communicates the disconnection she felt, but the house gave her something to hold onto, something to ground her in the midst of uncertainty. The quote emphasizes the importance of home as a bridge between the past and present, allowing her to begin her search for understanding and connection.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty.”

This direct statement showcases the idea of inherited history and how it burdened Krug throughout her life. The sentence’s simplicity juxtaposes the emotional complexity at play, particularly Krug’s sense of responsibility and guilt regarding her family’s past. The advice was well-meaning but failed to capture the full emotional weight Krug carried while trying to reconcile her identity with the actions of her relatives.

“Her gaze is as firm as her grip. By the way she looks at me, I can tell that she is searching my face for traces of my father. Or is it my uncle whom she is looking for?”

As if looking for emotional or physical resemblances between Krug and her relatives, especially her father or uncle, Anniemarie’s “firm” gaze and “grip” convey authority and inspection. Her ambiguity about whether she was looking for evidence of one relative or another relates to the larger themes of memory, inheritance, and the ambiguity of familial legacies. Her inability to comprehend what the other person was looking for reflects her uncertainty about her role in the family and how history shaped who she is.