Big Dumb Eyes: Stories from a Simpler Mind

Laura is Bargatze’s wife. Laura and Bargatze met when they were both working at Applebee’s. Laura is slightly older than Bargatze, and she was an experienced waitress, whereas Bargatze was a host with barely any work experience. Bargatze writes that, due to this dynamic, Laura is quick to tell others that she assumed Bargatze was “dumb” at first, which feeds into the evidence Bargatze provides for his alleged lack of intelligence.

Laura’s character is a foil to Bargatze’s. She is down to earth and practical, whereas Bargatze is impulsive and occasionally clueless. For example, one of the first times Bargatze and Laura speak is at Applebee’s when Bargatze doesn’t understand the stock market numbers that appear at the bottom of the TV screen. This same dynamic continues for many years. Bargatze calls his wife for advice on mundane things, knowing that Laura will have good advice.

Harper is Bargatze’s daughter. She is his only child, and she is the most important factor in his life. The first time Harper is mentioned in the memoir, Bargatze writes that once she is of driving age he wants her to have an old car, which he thinks will help build her character. He contradicts this by saying that he also wants her car to have “futuristic safety things […] specially released only to my precious baby girl” (42). This passage shows the delicate balance between Bargatze’s wish to pass down the family values he was raised with and his overly protective nature and desire to pamper his daughter.

Bargatze’s love for his daughter makes it easy for him to cut her umbilical cord, a task he would be squeamish of otherwise. This dynamic sets the stage for their relationship for years to come. The author often refers to Harper as his best friend, implying that he isn’t always the best disciplinarian, a fact of which Laura reminds him. He is frequently impressed by Harper’s empathy and intelligence. The values of unconditional familial love Bargatze learned as a child clearly carry over to his own family after having his daughter.

Bargatze’s father is the author’s role model. Bargatze dedicates much of the first few chapters of the memoir to explaining his dad’s background, career, and the important role he plays within the family. Bargatze idolized his father for his resilience, his comedy, and the values he instilled. Bargatze’s dad grew up in an abusive household with neglectful parents. Despite his difficult background, he was a loving father to his three children. He was often tough on them, but Bargatze believes this was out of love, as his worst fear was that his kids would have to experience the kind of pain that he did.

Bargatze’s dad was a professional clown and magician. Bargatze writes that he could never compete with his father, who has always been the funnier one between them. That Bargatze follows the same profession as his father shows how much he looks up to him. Before Bargatze’s first major performance, he asks his dad to open for him—with the stipulation that “he couldn’t be too funny” (19). The author claims the audience liked his father’s act more than they liked Bargatze’s. Bargatze still asks his dad to open for him, illustrating how much he loves and respects his father.

Bargatze describes his mother as “pretty much a living saint” (15). Bargatze’s parents met and became a couple as teenagers, and they stayed together their whole lives. Bargatze’s mom is a foil to his dad. Where Bargatze’s father practiced tough love, Bargatze’s mom was nurturing and protective. When Bargatze’s dad tried to trick Abigail into going on amusement park rides she was not ready for, for example, Bargatze’s mother was more concerned with whether the rides were safe. Bargatze’s mom also correctly predicts that Bargatze will be able to cut the umbilical cord when his baby is born, despite his squeamishness. Bargatze writes, “When my mom found out I did it, she just smiled and said, ‘I told you, I know my son.’” (168). This exemplifies how Bargatze’s mom loved and believed in her children unconditionally.

Derek is Bargatze’s younger brother. He is Bargatze’s rival, and the brothers are only a few years apart in age. As children, they compete whenever they can. Being older, Bargatze usually won their games when they’re young. As they grew older, though, Derek became taller and more talented at sports than Bargatze. This caused a lot of fighting and resentment during their young adulthood. Even when the boys mature into adults and have their own children, they remain competitive. Despite this, they are still close.