Billionaire Boy

Joe and Lauren arrive at his house to have dinner together. Joe is surprised that there is a huge party happening. He finds his dad, who is wearing his special-occasion toupee, dancing by the pool, looking like a “beach ball that had been rolled in hair” (217). Mr. Spud cheerfully tells Joe that he hired party guests from a website to celebrate his engagement to Sapphire. Joe is dismayed that Sapphire will be his stepmother. Things get worse when Sapphire recognizes Lauren from a television advertisement for pot noodles, and Joe is upset that Lauren lied to him. She comes clean, explaining that his dad hired her to be his friend. She apologizes and leaves the party, and a devastated Joe collapses.

Joe angrily confronts his father, who pleads for Joe’s understanding. Mr. Spud says he bribed Mr. Dust with a motorcycle to fire Miss Spite, so Joe could enjoy school more. He hired Lauren to act like Joe’s friend to fulfill his wish of friendship. Mr. Spud insists that he can buy Joe another friend, but Joe angrily refuses, explaining that some things can’t be bought. Joe retreats to his room where he packs his bags and plans to run away. As he packs he sees his little toilet paper roll rocket, a homemade present from his father, and remembers better times they have shared. He feels bad when his dad knocks on the door and wants to talk, but he follows through on his plan and escapes out the window.

Joe races through the night with his plastic bag of belongings. He desperately wants to escape his father and the claustrophobic, false reality of life with him in their luxury home. He runs to the town center as fast as he can, then wanders around. He decides to go to Raj’s shop. Suddenly, a spotlight falls on him, and he sees his dad hovering in his helicopter, demanding that Joe come home. Joe refuses and sneaks away through the alleys. When he arrives at Raj’s shop, it is closed, and he realizes that he will have to spend the night outside.

The following morning, Raj finds Joe sleeping in the dumpster beside his shop. He invites him in and offers him sweets for breakfast. Raj patiently listens to Joe’s problems. He understands Joe’s anger at his father but reminds him that his dad was trying to make him happy. When Joe expresses how sad he is to have lost his friendship with Bob, Raj points out that Joe treated Bob the same way that his dad treated him. Joe realizes that his dad must be worried about him and agrees to let Raj take him home. Raj agrees to stop at Bob’s house on the way, and the two zoom off on Raj’s tricycle.

Joe rides in the basket of the tricycle until they arrive at Bob’s house. Bob’s mother lets them in, and Joe notices that their tiny house was about the size of his bedroom. Joe knocks on Bob’s bedroom door, but Bob refuses to speak to him. His mother scolds him and he opens the door. Joe apologizes to Bob and says he understands that he never should have tried to solve his problems with money behind Bob’s back. Bob is sad to learn that Lauren was an actress, and how hurt Joe is about his dad’s latest scheme. Joe shares that all he wanted was a friend and Bob reassures him that they can still be friends. The two share a chocolate bar again until Bob’s mother calls up for Joe, telling him that his dad is on TV.

Joe is shocked to see his dad on television, tearfully admitting that he has lost everything, including his son. Bob’s mother explains that Mr. Spud is facing all kinds of lawsuits due to his toilet paper making people’s buttocks’ turn purple. Joe asks Raj to take him home, and along the way he notices the newspaper headlines announcing the Bumfresh scandal. They arrive home at Bumfresh Towers, where Joe sees a group of journalists gathered outside the gates of his home.

Joe passes Sapphire in the hall as she angrily leaves with as many banknotes as she can carry. He finds his father alone in his room, crying. Because of all the lawsuits, Mr. Spud has lost all his money, and the court bailiffs are taking away his belongings, too. Joe forgives his father for his mistakes and reassures him that they don’t need all that money; it only ever made them sad. His father agrees and tells Joe to go claim anything he needs from his room before the bailiffs take it away. Joe goes to his room and finds the rocket made from a toilet paper roll that he saw before he ran away. He explains to his dad that it is the most precious thing to him. His dad cries, and the two hug. Joe is relieved that he is close with his dad again, as that is “everything he could ever need” (276).

Mr. Spud and Bob’s mother, who were classmates in their youth, rekindle their friendship and marry, making Bob and Joe stepbrothers. Mr. Spud and Raj try to invent a new sweet, but nothing works. The Grubbs are sent away to the US to a camp for misbehaving kids, and the headmaster, Mr. Dust, retires to race motorcycles. Miss Spite is reinstated as a history teacher but is still mean to Joe. Peter Bread changes his name to Susan Jenkins. Mrs. Trafe releases her own cookbook, and many people in the country, including the Queen, still have “purple bottoms.”