Billionaire Boy

Joe goes to Raj’s and the two chat about Joe’s suspicions. Raj suggests that the school principal is simply having a midlife crisis. He then reveals that Mr. Spud’s latest line of toilet paper is making his buttocks purple and claims that his doctor has seen many patients complaining of “purple bottoms.” Joe insists that the toilet paper is not bad, but Raj says he can’t use it anymore. Joe laughs at Raj’s strange problem and says he needs to go meet his girlfriend.

Joe and Lauren arrive at his house to have dinner together. Joe is surprised that there is a huge party happening. He finds his dad, who is wearing his special-occasion toupee, dancing by the pool, looking like a “beach ball that had been rolled in hair” (217). Mr. Spud cheerfully tells Joe that he hired party guests from a website to celebrate his engagement to Sapphire. Joe is dismayed that Sapphire will be his stepmother. Things get worse when Sapphire recognizes Lauren from a television advertisement for pot noodles, and Joe is upset that Lauren lied to him. She comes clean, explaining that his dad hired her to be his friend.