Black Girls Must Die Exhausted: A Novel

Tabby returns to the station to finalize edits before the story airs. She realizes the extensive work ahead of her if the story drives high ratings. Tabby calls Officer Mallory. He asks to speak unofficially, not wanting anything he says on record. Tabby agrees, and Officer Mallory informs her that he cannot be officially interviewed as that would violate his precinct’s policy. However, he comments on a lack of resources and training in law enforcement. Officer Mallory explains that police officers get scared and jumpy, just like anyone else, and they live in constant fear of not returning home to their families. The decent officers he works with would be devastated if they shot a 19-year-old man.

Tabby knows Officer Mallory’s perspective is important, and she brainstorms ways to publicize his outlook. She returns to her apartment, reads personal texts, and listens to voicemails from friends and family congratulating her on the story. She also sees several missed calls from Crestmire, which she finds unusual. Upon returning Crestmire’s call, Tabby learns that Granny Tab died peacefully in her sleep. Tabby drops the phone and collapses to the floor, screaming. Time passes, but Tabby is unaware of how much. She eventually texts Marc and asks him to come over for sex. She also calls her father, and they plan to meet at Crestmire in the morning to sort through Granny Tab’s things. Tabby drinks copious amounts of wine while waiting for Marc.

Tabby slurs her words when Marc arrives, telling him that her grandmother died. She kisses Marc and assertively initiates sex. Marc attempts to talk to Tabby, but Tabby firmly states that she needs physical intimacy. Marc acquiesces, and the couple engages in passionate, rough sex. In the morning, Tabby feels hungover and is unhappy that Marc is still in her bed. She is rude and dismissive to him, and Marc leaves in a hurry, clearly hurt.

Tabby drinks another glass of wine before driving to Crestmire. She calls her mother and Lexi to update them about Granny Tab. She also calls Chris, who tells her that Daequan’s story is hitting high ratings. He asks Tabby to come to the office to begin work on follow-up stories, but Tabby declines, explaining her circumstances.

At Crestmire, Tabby finds Paul looking at old pictures of him and Granny Tab. He recalls a childhood memory during which he nearly drowned in the ocean. On that occasion, Granny Tab saved him, and Paul now believes the situation was much less severe than he remembered. However, his shock and grief resemble his panicked feelings from that day. Tabby can relate. Paul asks Tabby to give Granny Tab’s eulogy at her funeral.

Tabby calls Ms. Gretchen to update her about funeral arrangements. Ms. Gretchen is still on vacation but plans to return for the services on Wednesday. Tabby’s guilt over missing her final moments with her grandmother eats away at her. She asks Ms. Gretchen to give the eulogy, but Ms. Gretchen insists that Tabby is the most appropriate person to prepare and deliver the speech. Ms. Gretchen reassures Tabby that the highlight of Granny Tab’s final evening wasn’t the senior prom but rather watching Tabby on the news. Ms. Gretchen stresses how proud Granny Tab was of her first grandchild.

Daequan’s story draws national attention, and Tabby must work through her grief amid this professional success. Chris summons her to his office to give her Tuesday and Wednesday as bereavement days, but he insists that she return on Thursday to finish reporting Daequan’s follow-ups. He makes a crass joke about being willing to kill his own grandmother for a story like Tabby’s. Tabby feels that she desperately needs a break and begins to advocate for herself. Chris cuts her off, asking Tabby if she wants someone else to report on her major story. Tabby agrees to return to work on Thursday. Lisa Sinclair congratulates Tabby on her professional success as Tabby leaves the news office. She reminds Tabby of a missed women’s issues meeting. Tabby snaps at Lisa, exclaiming, “Every problem can’t be my problem” (321), before apologizing and leaving for home.

Tabby struggles to write Granny Tab’s eulogy. She sifts through mountains of memories, considering how she would want to be remembered amid a lifetime of adversity. She thinks about Granny Tab’s white family in West Virginia and how they disowned her for marrying a Black man and having a Black child. Tabby thinks about her grandfather, whom she never met, and reflects that his challenges with alcohol addiction created more trauma for Granny Tab and Paul. She thinks about the struggles that Granny Tab must have faced as a single mother in a racially unequal country. Wanting to focus on Granny Tab’s spirit and perseverance, Tabby realizes that she cannot discuss the bulk of what would traditionally constitute a eulogy. Tabby texts Marc an apology and sends him the details of Granny Tab’s funeral. She decides not to burden Laila with her grief and instead leans on Alexis as the funeral approaches.

Tabby sleeps over at Paul’s house on Tuesday night. While dressing for Granny Tab’s funeral on Wednesday morning, Tabby’s half-sisters ask for help with their hair, both wanting it to look like Tabby’s. They discuss watching Tabby on the news, which they do regularly, and they ask questions about Daequan. Tabby’s youngest half-sister asks if she should feel afraid of the police. Tabby considers the question for some time. She doesn’t want to scare her sister, nor does she want to dismiss the significance of the issue. She thinks of Officer Mallory, remembering his shared perspective. Tabby tells her sister that she believes the officer who shot Daequan regrets his actions profoundly. She states that no child should have to feel scared of the police.

Tabby holds her youngest sister’s hand on the ride to the funeral. She is shocked by the many attendees, whom Paul clarifies are Granny Tab’s students and their families. The pastor summons Tabby to deliver the eulogy. She looks at the crowd of mourners and makes eye contact with her mother, her stepfather, Alexis, and Laila. Much to her surprise, Tabby’s two best friends hold hands while looking on with teary eyes. Tabby also sees Marc in the back pew. She welcomes all attendees and begins her celebration of Granny Tab’s life.

Tabby delivers an emotional eulogy that she immediately forgets as soon as she finishes speaking. After the service, the family heads to a reception with the other mourners, and attending this inevitable event seems daunting to Tabby. Lisa Sinclair surprises Tabby with her presence. Both women immediately apologize for their last conversation, but Lisa insists on taking the blame. She hugs Tabby and promises to fight battles for her while respecting that Tabby can’t and shouldn’t take on more than is possible. Laila and Alexis approach Tabby, their show of unity intentional. They support Tabby and offer her a flask, bringing smiles and laughter. Tabby speaks with Ms. Gretchen, observing heavy sorrow veiled by a strong, smiling face. Tabby searches for and fails to find Marc. Instead, she sees Paul, who looks shell-shocked. Tabby holds her father’s hand and takes him for ice cream before the burial.

The narrative jumps to a year after Granny Tab’s funeral. Tabby now wears her short hair naturally with a well-defined side part. The new look suits her and reduces the amount of daily hair and makeup prep time. Tabby reported on Daequan’s story as it continued to receive national attention; the officer who shot Daequan was placed on indefinite suspension, and an investigation will hopefully uncover opportunities for necessary training for the LAPD. Daequan’s family won a lawsuit against the city, and all of Daequan’s future college expenses, including medical school, will be covered. Tabby and her reporting team won an Emmy award for the story. She will soon see another promotion to weekend anchor.

Tabby and Lisa develop a close friendship. Lisa successfully lobbies for a healthcare plan that includes infertility coverage. Tabby considers Lisa to be her mentor, and the women get together monthly for a spa day and a tea outing. With her insurance plan footing the bill for freezing her eggs, Tabby finally purchases her first home. She regularly invites Paul, Diane, and her sisters over for dinner, though she feels sad that Granny Tab never got the chance to live with her.

Alexis and Rob continue to attend therapy, though Rob lives in an apartment and Alexis refuses to wear her wedding ring. Laila’s mental health and life outlook have improved drastically over the past year. She meets with a life coach, and Alexis and Tabby have also attended several sessions. Their friendship grows stronger as the women agree to speak openly with each other about important life events. Tabby, Alexis, and Laila attend a girls' trip to Napa, touring vineyards and purchasing wine.

Now, Tabby enjoys iced tea in her backyard before attending the Crestmire senior prom with Ms. Gretchen. She receives a text from Marc and promises to call him on Sunday. After realizing that Marc was limited in his capacity to commit to a serious, loving relationship, Tabby understood that she needed more than what Marc was willing to provide. They still remain close friends. Alexis and Leila believe that most men will “ghost” women for making them feel slightly uncomfortable, and they commend Marc for sticking around. At Crestmire, Tabby collects Ms. Gretchen from her room. The friends continue to meet weekly, enjoying each other’s company. Tabby escorts Ms. Gretchen to the senior prom, where the women exhaust themselves with dancing and fun. Watching the raucous festivities, Tabby realizes that Granny Tab’s last evening alive was filled with pride in Tabby and excessive joy and merriment from the senior prom. Tabby hopes that both she and Ms. Gretchen meet a similar end. Tabby looks forward to sharing the news of her pregnancy with close friends and family in the coming weeks.