Black Girls Must Die Exhausted: A Novel

Tabby lingers at Crestmire longer than she intends to because she enjoys hearing about her grandmother’s past. Later, although she is nervous when Marc arrives, she notices the effort he has taken with his appearance. Marc presents Tabby with a giant bouquet of yellow roses and surprises her with a reservation at the nicest restaurant in LA. Tabby believes that their relationship is back on track. She updates Marc about Alexis and Rob and is annoyed when Marc is more sympathetic to Rob than to Alexis. The conversation shifts to Marc’s family history. He confesses that his father has an alcohol addiction. Marc has felt let down and neglected by his father for his entire life, and he has never witnessed a successful marriage. His past explains his hesitancy to marry and have children, though he admits that he loves Tabby and would potentially want to embrace those life changes with her. Tabby attempts to relate to Marc by talking about her own father’s affair, but Marc dismisses her family issues as trivial compared to his own.

Tabby hates seeing Marc in pain, and talking about his family distresses him. They leave the restaurant, and Marc insists that they talk before leaving in his car for Tabby’s apartment. Marc still feels unsure about committing to marriage and having children. This confession angers Tabby. She shouts at Marc, and he scolds her for cursing. Tabby expresses her frustration for wasting 18 months of her thirties, during which she clearly expressed her desire to get married and have children. Meanwhile, Marc has been hiding the fact that he is unwilling to become a husband and father. Marc argues that he is a good partner for Tabby because he encourages her to excel in her career, but Tabby takes full responsibility for her professional success. Marc asks Tabby to fight for their relationship. Tabby replies with a long list of fights in which she has already engaged: her promotion at work, her natural Black features (like her hair), her fertility, and her family struggles. Thinking of Ms. Gretchen, Tabby tells Marc that she will not allow him to become someone she regrets.

Tabby sets aside her strong emotions about Marc as she strides confidently into work. Office rumors indicate that the anticipated promotions will soon be announced. Scott rides the elevator with Tabby, speaking to her politely but condescendingly about the promotion as if it is already his. At the morning newsroom meeting, Chris awards the promotion of senior reporter to Tabby. She closes her eyes, tasting victory as she thinks of her hard work and Scott’s manipulation.

After the meeting, Chris asks Tabby to speak with him in his office. He tells her that he is taking a chance on her by awarding her the promotion, as he cares more about her perspective than Scott’s. Tabby believes that Chris is subtly hinting that her race is a factor in the reasons why she secured the promotion, and she considers resigning immediately. However, Chris clarifies that he values Tabby’s perspective and wants to see her fight for her angle to the stories on which she reports. Tabby considers Chris’s advice and leaves his office feeling unsettled.

Lisa brings Tabby coffee in her new office and asks Tabby out for a celebratory dinner on an evening that works with Tabby’s schedule. Tabby keeps Lisa at arm's length but recognizes that she is genuinely trying to befriend her. Lisa talks briefly about home life, explaining that her young child has autism and that her husband has quit his job to care for him full-time. Although they want a second child, they will need to conceive via IVF, and the financial strain challenges them. Tabby relates to this, realizing that she has more in common with Lisa than she knew. She shares her plan to freeze her eggs. The women believe that their work insurance plan would cover this medical care if they were men. Tabby texts Alexis about her promotion, and they plan to go out for drinks after Tabby’s happy hour with the other employees. Alexis asks Tabby not to invite Laila.

Alexis and Tabby mainly discuss the turmoil in their love lives, though Tabby shares details about Scott’s outrage and Chris’s motivational talk. To Tabby’s surprise, Alexis has not let Rob move back into their house. Alexis explains that she has been soul-searching and is not content with an identity built around the needs of others—Rob, her children, her parents, and her in-laws. Tabby feels proud of her friend for reevaluating her priorities and expectations. Alexis encourages Tabby to give Todd another chance, but she emphasizes that Tabby should do whatever she wants. Later, Tabby worries when Laila doesn’t answer her texts.

Tabby observes her typical Saturday morning routine, which starts at the gym with Laila. Noticing that Laila isn’t working as hard as usual, Tabby jokingly asks her if she is pregnant. To Tabby’s shock, Laila replies that she might be. In the locker room, Laila clarifies that she has been irregular with her birth control. She is emotionally invested in Lawrence; her connection developed before he revealed his marriage, and her admission causes Tabby to sympathize with Laila and reevaluate her judgment about Diane and Rob’s lover. Although Alexis has sworn her to secrecy about the issues with Rob, Tabby recognizes that her two closest friends are experiencing opposite sides of a similar conflict. Laila offers a fresh perspective on Tabby’s conversation with Chris, believing that he ultimately supports Tabby. She thinks positively about any kind of mentorship in media and wishes for more support in her career.

Tabby begins to resent her Saturday hair appointment. She wants to wear her hair naturally, but the news stations would not approve. She sits through the appointment anyway, listening to Denisha’s news story ideas, which Tabby knows would never meet Chris’s approval. She then travels to Crestmire. Ms. Gretchen congratulates Tabby on leaving Marc after he would only agree to a relationship on his terms. Tabby reiterates her conversation with Chris while discussing her promotion. Granny Tab dismisses Tabby’s discontentment, believing that people of color more frequently experience discrimination than reward.

Granny Tab discusses her troubled and naive experience of being a white woman raising a Black son. Tabby asks Granny Tab what “it feels like to be white” (213). Granny Tab explains that she has never felt her race but recognizes her racial identity more through a lack of certain experiences. She confesses to not wanting to be Black, believing that she wouldn’t have lived as long as she has. She experienced some racial discrimination because she was married to a Black man and had a Black child, but she was not forced to live it every day. Tabby also confesses to not wanting to be white because she sees the beauty, triumph, and joy in her own racial identity. The women cry as they share their revelations, comforting and supporting each other. Tabby notices that Granny Tab’s ankles are still swollen. Granny Tab asserts that Tabby should reconsider writing off Marc. When Tabby protests that Marc is wasting her time, Granny Tab argues that Marc might evolve for Tabby if he is given a chance. She believes that Tabby’s father, Paul, has improved, and she encourages Tabby to have dinner with him. 

A neighborhood guard stops Tabby at the entrance to the community where Tabby’s father, Paul, lives, and Tabby is reminded of her father’s affluence. The guard must call her father to confirm her visitation, as Tabby has been left off the pre-approved visitors list. Tabby finds this fact hurtful and unexpected. Tabby enjoys seeing her younger half-sisters; she reflects on the similarities in their appearances, noting that outsiders would never recognize them as related because of the color of their skin. The dinner conversation remains superficial, but Tabby enjoys the evening. After they eat, Tabby speaks alone with her father, asking his opinion about Chris’s conversations. Tabby’s father does not believe that Chris promoted Tabby because she is Black. He considers Chris’s advice solid and believes that he would make a good mentor. He reassures Tabby that no news producers are in a position to promote their reporters because of their race or ethnicity; the industry is too dependent on ratings and success.

Tabby asks her father about his relationships with her mother and Diane. She shares her updates about Marc and fills him in on Alexis and Rob’s troubles. Tabby’s father confesses that he and Diane almost split up multiple times. Diane makes Paul feel like he can fail or fall apart, which is essential to their relationship. Paul advises Tabby to always put her priorities first.