Black Girls Must Die Exhausted: A Novel

As Tabby both comforts and draws support from Laila and Alexis amid her hectic life, Allen introduces The Power of Female Friendship and Community to advise and heal. As Tabby’s childhood friend, Alexis reminds the protagonist of her history and their shared but contrasting coming-of-age years. Alexis’s outer show of confidence inspires Tabby as she grapples with her various insecurities, but even as Tabby draws strength from her friend’s positive traits, she is also perceptive enough to recognize Alexis’s character flaws, and this range of issues provides a nuanced depiction of close friendship. For example, Tabby is intimately familiar with Alexis’s self-doubt, particularly in her relationship with Rob. Tabby also recognizes that Alexis will always prioritize Rob over all else, including herself, even when Rob is unfaithful. As she reflects, “I had learned over the years that while I was always a hundred percent on Lexi’s side, no matter what happened, some part of Lexi was always on Rob’s” (152). As much as Tabby admires Alexis, she harshly judges her for her endless ability to forgive Rob for his egregious transgressions. Tabby’s critique stems from a place of love; she wants Alexis to be happy, and she recognizes that Rob’s pattern of selfish, hurtful behavior is toxic. While Alexis approaches Rob’s mistreatment from a place of understanding, Tabby sees no justification for his behavior. Meanwhile, Alexis subtly judges Tabby for not yet marrying or having children, and Laila and Tabby likewise feel betrayed by Alexis’s habit of flaunting her husband and children. With these complex interactions, Allen establishes the fact that even the most supportive of friendships contain negative elements that must be addressed and overcome.

The Power of Female Friendship and Community is further explored in Tabby’s interactions with Laila, whose professional path is similar to her own. Laila offers unwavering support and less judgment than Alexis does, and she also exudes self-assurance, whereas Tabby is more reserved and insecure. As Tabby thinks of her friend, “What I loved about Laila beyond her fearlessness was her ability to always be herself, even when it wasn’t comfortable or popular” (40). This moment of inner reflection highlights areas in which Tabby believes that she falls short; she wishes that she could adopt Laila’s traits, especially when comparing Laila’s journalism pieces to her own. Laila more readily stands her ground, taking more considerable risks that don’t always pay off. Similarly, Laila idealizes herself and Tabby as being superior wife material, deserving of the best romantic partners. When Marc ends his relationship with Tabby, Laila comments, “If he doesn’t know what he’s got and how amazing you are, then fuck him. He doesn’t deserve you. You can find so much better” (107). In this moment, Tabby’s struggle to believe Laila further illustrates her self-doubt and insecurities. As a result, Tabby puts Laila on a pedestal, and her tendency to believe in Laila’s infallibility subtly foreshadows the fact that Laila also harbors grievous insecurities and is about to undergo a serious mental health crisis.

Alexis and Laila’s presence in the novel further highlights the diversity of experiences within the BIPOC community. Coming from multiracial families, Tabby and Laila are regularly approached with questions about their heritage. Laila doesn’t hide her irritation with such questions, saying abruptly, “I’m mixed with Black and mind your business” (40). However, although she is bold, Laila does not lack self-awareness; when onlookers gawk at the friends as they speak naturally in public spaces, Laila lowers her voice and moves away. Alexis also demonstrates a desire for privacy during her weekly hair appointments at Denisha’s salon, refusing to speak with Tabby about Rob’s affair until she is in a more secluded setting. Thus, while the friends enjoy the food, drinks, culture, and people in their community, all three hide parts of their identities from outsiders and, at times, from each other as well. Raised to prioritize major life milestones differently, Laila and Alexis are particularly inclined to keep secrets from each other, and this trend ultimately damages their friendship.

Like Laila and Alexis, Granny Tab and Ms. Gretchen add depth to The Power of Female Friendship and Community with their generational wisdom and sound advice that prioritizes Tabby’s best interests. As Marc continues to send Tabby mixed messages, Ms. Gretchen advises, “[I]f this boy isn’t going to matter, then you need to forget about him and move on. Time becomes more valuable when you realize it’s running out” (127). At all times, Ms. Gretchen and Granny Tab supply Tabby with unconditional love and support, advising her to live her life to the fullest. Granny Tab and Ms. Gretchen also provide experience-driven guidance for Tabby’s conflicts by speaking about their own life histories. Granny Tab also offers a deeply nurturing form of safety and comfort by allowing Tabby to crawl into her bed, cry, and hit an emotional low after Marc ends their relationship.

In sharp contrast to these positive dynamics, Tabby’s mother exemplifies the ramifications of a lack of support among women friends and family. Jeanie selfishly advocates for Tabby to get pregnant quickly because she desperately and selfishly wants grandchildren. As a result, the pressure that Tabby feels to provide a legacy for her mother drives a wedge in their relationship, and Tabby frequently hesitates to call her mother in times of need. Tabby realizes, “My mom, if she had so much as heard me cry like I did that morning, would have probably booked a plane ticket and tried to have me involuntarily committed” (123-24). By failing to empathize with Tabby as she navigates various conflicts, Jeanie fails to form a closer bond with her daughter. Instead, she constantly begs Tabby to visit and wants her to stay in a room that is decorated with pink, frilly décor. This quirk illustrates the fact that Jeanie tries to impose her own ideas of femininity on Tabby, which only causes Tabby to repeatedly delay a visit to Jeanie.