51 pages • 1-hour read
Breathe and Count Back from Ten
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Chapters 6-12Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Chapter 6 Summary
Verónica defines dysplasia as “the state of being displaced, inside and outside of your body” (52). She notes how things found in nature, such as flowers and trees, are allowed to be imperfect and bend in all sorts of ways, but the way her body bends makes her “chueca” (53), or crooked, and she doesn’t see why the two should be treated differently. Being called “crooked” also puts in a category with other “crooked” things, such as corrupt politicians or police. Verónica has undergone several surgeries to correct the misalignment in her hip socket. The most recent surgery seems to have worked, but her parents continue to treat her as if she’s fragile. When at dinner one night she implies that she would make a good mermaid, her father gets increasingly irritated and calls the profession a glorified form of sex work. He brings up the story of the sirenas who lure men into the water with their song and looks at Verónica, implying that he is referring to the night with Jeremy in the hot tub. He is adamantly against the idea and won’t budge on the matter. When Verónica suggests moving into a bigger apartment or townhouse now that Dani is going into high school, her parents shoot down the idea and say that Verónica wouldn’t be able to live in a place with stairs. Verónica believes she is capable, and she wonders when she will have control over her own body. She wonders, too, when her parents will want more for her than comfort and want for her to genuinely be happy.
Chapter 7 Summary
Verónica is heading to the pool with Dani and laughs at Dani’s tendency to cartwheel instead of walk wherever she goes. Dani pressures Verónica about auditioning for Mermaid Cove and irritates Verónica by assessing her gait. When Verónica makes a joke, Dani calls it “lame,” and Verónica can’t believe that her own sister would use such a pejorative word. When Verónica was tutored at home after a surgery at age 11, her teacher encouraged her to write her own dictionary like in David Copperfield. Verónica learned that words hold meaning and that these meanings change based on how people feel about the word. At the pool, Verónica gets back at Dani by telling Alex and Leslie that Dani just shaved her legs for the first time—but was allowed to shave only up to her knees. Feeling brave, Verónica shows Alex her scars and explains them. Alex thanks her, a reaction that Verónica has never experienced before. He invites her into the pool and they swim together; Alex, flirting with Verónica, sends clear signals that he’s interested in her. Verónica realizes that Alex’s approach is totally different from Jeremy, who hid in the shadows, rarely approached her, and never waited for her to say yes. Alex asks Verónica to show him Palmview Lakes from her point of view, and she feels special and wanted. She starts daydreaming about falling for Alex and swimming in all of her favorite spots with him.
Chapter 8 Summary
Verónica and Alex are swimming together, enjoying the magic of the moment and about to kiss when Verónica’s father’s voice booms. He asks her what she’s doing and demands she gets out immediately, without allowing her or Alex to explain or defend themselves. He tells Verónica that she has a checkup and that they have to leave now. Verónica hurries out of the pool with her sister, and the family heads to the hospital as Verónica’s mother shames her for not being perfectly clean for the doctor. She senses that Papi is humiliated with her, especially considering he didn’t tell Mami what he saw. Dani and Verónica head inside while their parents park, and while Verónica changes, she checks her phone. There are a few concerned texts from Alex, and she assures him it’s just a routine checkup. The other text is from Leslie, who tells Verónica that Tanya has agreed to train her. Verónica is completely taken aback, and before she has time to think about it, her name is called for her appointment.
Chapter 9 Summary
Thinking it is just a routine checkup, Verónica goes to her appointment. She changes into a gown, stands for X-rays, and then goes to wait with her family for the doctor. The doctor compares some old X-rays with the new ones and notes that Verónica’s necrosis in her left hip is worsening. Verónica, hearing about necrosis for the first time, is shocked and confused. Not only was she unaware that her bone tissue was dying, but her parents knew and didn’t tell her. She feels like “everything is happening so fast” (95) and like all her hope is draining from her. She also has to wait two months for an MRI to determine the next steps in treatment, which could be a full hip replacement.
Chapter 10 Summary
For Verónica, the word “left” is defined as “the side of my body that has never felt right” (97). She relates to the story of The Little Mermaid, which she has read countless times. She feels like the mermaid in the story, ever longing for something she cannot have. After the appointment, Verónica feels like nothing in her life will ever be right again. Dani tells her not to cry, and Verónica assures her she won’t because she tries never to show her pain or sadness in that way. She feels as though a hip replacement was something far in the future and not to be concerned about; now, it is facing her directly.
Chapter 11 Summary
At home, Verónica just wants to be alone but is almost immediately asked to set the table and join the family for dinner. She acts coldly toward her parents and doesn’t want to talk to them after finding out they kept the necrosis a secret from her. The tension at dinner mounts in an argument. Verónica is sent to her room, where she is later approached by Papi. He tells Verónica that her desire for more privacy and autonomy is just an excuse to have sex and risk pregnancy. Verónica tries to explain that her intentions aren’t to take things that far, but her father refuses to listen.
Chapter 12 Summary
Verónica sneaks out of the apartment in the middle of the night and heads to one of her favorite spots to be alone, a racquetball court with no roof on the far end of the complex. She sits and gazes at the massive moon that fills the court with light “like a cup” (110). Verónica looks through videos of Mermaid Cove mermaids performing dances created decades before and feels entranced, as she always does. In that moment, Alex texts her and mentions the moon, and she invites him to join her. Alex shows up soon after, and Verónica shows him mermaid videos, which impress and surprise him. She then takes Alex back to the pool, and they strip down to their underwear and swim together. They look up at the stars, and Alex mentions learning how the calcium from long-exploded stars is what makes up the bones and teeth of people on Earth. Verónica is amazed to think that something that died so long ago can “still illuminate our bodies” (119), and it gives her a sense of hope for her own life. She and Alex kiss in a romantic, passion-filled moment.
Chapters 6-12 Analysis
Because Verónica is Living with Disability, most of her decisions are made for her. Her parents and physicians patronize and infantilize her. Her mother picks out her clothes for her before the appointments. Throughout her life, physicians have spoken to her as if she’s a child by comparing her hip joint to a game of rock paper scissors. Verónica feels out of place, just like her hip. She’s known all her life that something is wrong with her, but her hip dysplasia has been her way of life; it’s normal to her. Verónica observes how “so many things in nature—rivers and trees and shorelines and mountains—are free to be imperfect” (53), but her imperfection sets her apart and makes her feel as if she must hide her pain and her scars. Disability makes other uncomfortable, so she has downplayed her struggles. Adding to her stress, Verónica’s parents hid vital information about her hip dysplasia from her when they didn’t tell her that her bone was necrotizing. Verónica hears this detail from the doctor, and her entire world shifts. The thought of having her hip replaced—the hip she has always had and the hip she knows—was, until now, a distant concept: “They said it was so far into the future that I shouldn’t bother worrying about it, like it was meteor soaring billions of miles away. Now it’s closing in on me, crashing into my atmosphere” (100). Later, when Alex tells Verónica about the calcium from stars that makes up their bones, Verónica feels comforted by the knowledge that “[i]f a star can die millions of years ago and still illuminate our bodies, then maybe nothing is final” (119).
Rather than continuing to be defined by others and the words they use to describe her, Verónica was encouraged by a tutor to create her own definitions instead. These unique definitions are at the top of each chapter, and they signify a subtheme of the chapter, a conflict, or an area of focus. They illuminate aspects of Verónica’s character and her outlook on the world, such as how she defines a star as “a natural luminous bod that died a long time ago, suddenly being seen” (109). This exercise influences her real-world experiences as she grows increasingly dissatisfied with Words and Their Meanings. These definitions can also reveal the way that Verónica is feeling about something going on in her life, such as when she describes the word “replace” as “a painful process of taking something out of its home” (88) in considering the prospect of hip replacement surgery.
Alongside the questions and uncertainty surrounding her disability, Verónica is also grappling with her Personal and Sexual Autonomy. Her parents continue to fight her attempts to go her own way, and they strongly discourage her ideas of becoming a mermaid. At the same time, they also shame her for being seen with Alex; they think she is promiscuous and failing to prioritize the family. Verónica finds solace in Alex, who encourages her autonomy and wants to hear her opinions and voice. Verónica’s desire to be a mermaid is persistent, and she relates to the story of The Little Mermaid, and a mermaid who wanted desperately to have something that she never really could. Her longing brings Verónica to a precipice where she must choose between pleasing her parents and following her dream.
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