45 pages • 1-hour read
Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting
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Part 1, Chapters 6-8Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Part 1: “Bringing Up Bébé”
Part 1, Chapter 6 Summary: “Day Care?”
Pamela’s deadline for her book is coming up, so she considers daycare. In France, daycare for children under two is provided by free public crèches, which were first implemented during the Industrial Revolution for the working class, and then adopted by the middle class in the mid-20th century as more and more women entered the workforce. Americans, Pamela notes, think of daycare as horrible and unsafe places where uncaring and desperate parents leave their children. While daycare was introduced in America in the 1800s primarily for the children of immigrants, in the 20th century, preschools and kindergartens offered early childhood education to wealthier families. This is largely why Americans view daycare and preschool so differently, despite their being essentially the same thing. Besides cultural attitudes and cost, the quality of crèche care is consistent in France, while daycare varies widely in the United States.
Competition is fierce for a spot in a crèche, but Pamela and Simon manage to get Bean into one by explaining their position as Americans. The crèche serves healthy food and sticks to a schedule. The staff at all crèches are well-educated and trained. After three years there, Bean is fiercely social and has made lasting friendships. Pamela stresses that daycare isn’t what’s “bad” for kids—bad daycares are bad for kids. When Bean leaves the crèche, her caregiver cries—a moment Bean will remember for years. Having caring and supportive caregivers is the most important factor in quality childcare.
Part 1, Chapter 7 Summary: “Bébé au Lait”
Another major difference that Pamela observes between French and American styles of parenting is in breastfeeding. In America, breastfeeding is seen as a badge of honor and something you do unless you absolutely cannot; in France, breastfeeding is typically only done for the first few weeks or months before switching to formula. This method is seen as “cruel” and selfish by many American mothers, but to French women, it means having the opportunity to tend to their own lives.
This prioritization extends to how French women view themselves post-pregnancy; while many American women see weight gain as the default result of motherhood and one they do not necessarily need to address, French women are expected to lose weight after giving birth. Pamela still has the weight she gained from pregnancy but decides she would rather lose it slowly than attempt to diet. Additionally, Pamela notices that French women continue to dress up, do their makeup, and see themselves as sexual women, after motherhood just as before.
Part 1, Chapter 8 Summary: “The Perfect Mother Doesn’t Exist”
Pamela finishes her first book, about how different cultures view infidelity. As she goes on a book tour, she considers the guilt that many American women feel when they have to work or be away from their children. In contrast, French mothers often go back to work quite soon after motherhood; they see having a life outside the home as an essential aspect of being a good parent, as well as important for their financial security. The idea of equilibrium and balance is emphasized. French mothers believe that they need time to themselves to be the best parents they can be. Similarly, children need opportunities to be free of the surveillance of their parents. Although American mothers are so motivated by guilt that they over-parent and worry about their children falling behind, French mothers feel less guilt for making mistakes and instead reinforce the notion that there are no perfect mothers.
Part 1, Chapters 6-8 Analysis
These chapters cover Druckerman’s early experiences in Navigating Motherhood in a New Place. Being a first-time mother in a place where she still doesn’t feel like she fully fits in challenges Druckerman. American ideals of attachment parenting hold that a mother should remain close to her child as much as possible and for as long as possible and that daycare and formula feeding are last resorts that should occasion feelings of shame or failure. However, French parents view daycare centers, or crèches, as necessary for both parent and child: They promote socialization and allow parents to have time to themselves and to return to work. Druckerman bridges the gap by researching the history of the crèche and by talking to women who confidently sent their children there. Once Bean is enrolled, Druckerman observes her making friends and thoroughly enjoying her time there. She stops seeing the transition as a separation but instead understands that it is a rite that shows that the parents trust the child. Similarly, French parents are not fixated on breastfeeding in the same way that American parenting culture is. This is inspiring and encouraging: When one way of feeding Bean doesn’t work, Druckerman has room to try another. Both issues highlight the importance of parental and child autonomy in French culture. With each new shift in perspective, Druckerman becomes a more capable and confident parent, which in turn makes her efforts more successful.
These chapters also address a rarely spoken-about topic: desire and sexuality during pregnancy and early motherhood. There is pressure on women to maintain their mystique and sexual appeal during this time because being a mother doesn’t replace being a woman. Druckerman is often concerned with her weight, as French women are expected to strictly limit weight gain while pregnant—self-control that is intended to promote confidence and ensure the stability and strength of the marital relationship. At the same time, she doesn’t shame women who do end up gaining extra weight during pregnancy and admits that it took her much longer than the French women around her to lose weight following childbirth.
All of the issues touched on in these chapters point to a key refrain in French parenting, and one way in which it strongly contrasts American ideas: the notion that “the perfect mother doesn’t exist” (148), so mothers must not feel guilty for taking time for themselves. Instead of all-consuming sacrifice for their offspring, French culture promotes parental autonomy. Parents—and mothers in particular—should feel no guilt taking their children to the crèche, making efforts to hold on to their femininity and sexual desire, and also find financial independence that can withstand the dissolution of marriage or other romantic relationships, which are not guaranteed to last forever. The French believe that children with autonomous mothers will become autonomous themselves.
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