Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting

Bringing Up Bébé uses Druckerman’s own experiences and observations to raise questions about parenting more generally. She then attempts to answer them by speaking to as many different people as possible. Typically, Druckerman’s investigations are prompted by moments of childrearing frustration. For instance, the book opens with a common complaint: the cranky child at a restaurant, a challenge many parents have faced. The seeming universality of the issue draws readers eager for solutions. Druckerman’s outsize sense of embarrassment about Bean’s behavior is familiar, as is her leap to the conclusion that the French babies have somehow mastered the restaurant scene and are more “cheerful, chatty, and curious” than American ones (4). Caught up in the emotions the event provokes, Druckerman feels that Bean’s fussiness reflects on her abilities as a mother; she does not, for example, describe Simon as similarly stressed out about the incident. She also does not consider other possibilities for why the surrounding children are calm—for instance, it could be that only families with children who tolerate the hubbub of restaurants bring them out to meals. The rest of the book follows a similar pattern, with Druckerman fitting evidence to her thesis, rather than attempting to investigate its validity.

Druckerman reads Bean’s crankiness as the result of permissive and child-centered parenting, which Pamela sees as common in the US and contrasts with her view of the French approach, thus framing Parenting as a Social Construct. Particularly important are the two countries’ definitions of permissiveness. For Druckerman, while American parents cater to their children’s every negative emotion, French children are not expected to be anything other than children, but nevertheless face different expectations about behavior and attitude. She concludes that this makes French children calmer, less stressed, and more secure in their environment. This dynamic does not translate to the whole of both cultures, as Druckerman has plenty to say about what she dislikes about Paris and French society. However, the nuance she brings to life abroad more broadly does not illuminate her specific topic: Druckerman idealizes French parenting as the ultimate fix for American parenting problems. 

Druckerman begins by pointing out what sees as the major problems of American childcare: over-parenting, damaged marriages, and children’s extreme entitlement. These issues impact the whole family; for instance, over-parenting is exhausting and counterproductive for Raising a Healthy, Happy, Resilient Child. In contrast, French parents approach parenthood with ease and grace: “[T]here’s something about the way of the French parent that makes it less of a grind and more of a pleasure” (7). Druckerman does note that this dichotomy is partly the result of the social systemic supports for parents in France, but she doesn’t go into detail about policies like mandatory paid maternal and paternal leave, free public daycare, and free healthcare—all of which France has and the US doesn’t. Rather, Druckerman focuses on the flaws of individual families, encouraging readers to reflect on whether their attitudes toward their children are part of the problem. She interviews parents from both the US and France and concludes that American parents tend to be more neurotic, indecisive, and filled with self-doubt.

Druckerman traces some of this neuroticism to pregnancy—the time when healthy attitudes toward parenting and motherhood should develop. For her, pregnancy brought on a host of anxieties and a personality change; seeking advice for an experience she’d never dealt with before, she consulted a wide array of sources, only to end up with conflicting information that led to confusion and worry. In contrast, she observes that French mothers project an air of calm and try to see pregnancy as an important and joyful experience. Unlike American mothers, who want to individualize their deliveries, French mothers accept the standard medical protocols of epidurals and hospital births. Druckerman presents examples of this cultural difference—her American friend Jennifer believes that pregnancy is about pain and sacrifice, while Jennifer’s French husband Eric has a more French perspective. The book then combines statistical data, anecdotal observations, and conversations with others to argue for having a more positive and relaxed attitude toward pregnancy boosts fetal health. However, this is inconclusive; infant mortality rates, for example, have more to do with systemic issues of access to healthcare than with maternal mood.