42 pages • 1-hour read
Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old: Thoughts on Aging as a Woman
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Chapters 12-14Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Chapter 12 Summary: “What Could Have Been: Redefining Ambition”
Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of gender discrimination.
Shields believed that a successful actress was one “who won Oscars, who was considered a thespian” (189). She felt inadequate because she did not fit this model. She has also wondered about what trajectory her career might have taken if circumstances had been different, like if her mother had turned over her management to a professional. Yet she also recognizes her success and has worked to redefine its definition: “There is a commodity aspect to my celebrity that makes it possible for me probably (hopefully?) to be able to earn a living for the rest of my life” (191).
Shields discovered her love for and talent in comedy and has worked to hone her skills in this area. She realized that these skills make her “unique” and was able to “let go of this false sense of how [her] value was determined” (192). She grew confident in her skills while working on the sitcom Suddenly Susan, for which she won awards and which led to opportunities on Broadway. She is more ambitious in midlife than she was in her early career because she has found her niche. She seeks out projects and opportunities that will fulfill her ambitions: “When I focused on what I was doing, not where I was going, my work got better. And it felt better” (197). Studies indicate that women with ambition are seen as aggressive instead of powerful, like men. Shields, however, sees no shame in ambition, which she defines as pursuing fulfillment, not power. Women should be able to ask for what they want without shame. Today, Shields looks forward to what is yet to come instead of pondering what might have been.
Chapter 13 Summary: “Minding My Own Business: Starting Something When the World Says You’re Too Old”
Many women have asked Shields how to start something new in midlife. They have begun to think about plans and dreams they have put off and are now in a place to revisit. Shields has taken on a new business endeavor. She recognizes that with age comes fewer roles for women, so she chose to be proactive and launched her hair care line, Commence: “I don’t think I have many words of wisdom beyond this: Just…start” (205). Entering the business world was a scary unknown, but Shields was willing to ask questions and seek partnerships with others who had critical knowledge: “[Y]ou’re savvy enough to surround yourself with experts and people who know what you do not” (205). She found a business partner with experience, and from whom she could learn, Karla De Bernardo.
While her celebrity has been helpful in launching the company, potential investors have also questioned whether she can run Commence. Yet Shields’s ambition keeps her motivated during challenging times, and her life experiences of motherhood and other life experiences prepared her to take on this business venture. She has had to cope with misogynistic responses from potential male investors who talk down to her but has learned how to strategically approach them to her advantage: “It’s like chess—I may appear weak or subservient in the moment, but it’s all a tactic. Beating men at their own game is, I believe, one of the most feminist things you can do” (215). The imposter syndrome that one haunted Shields has disappeared, and she feels confident in the business world.
Chapter 14 Summary: “The Good Part: On Moving Forward”
Age brings the ability to recognize what one does not know, and when Shields is asked for advice, she refrains from telling others what they should do. Instead, she provides examples from her own experience to help women make the decisions that are best for their personal circumstances. She finds the communities that coalesce around “women’s issues” empowering: “Once you verbalize your struggle,” you give strength to others in similar scenarios (223). Shields also resists taking others’ advice, which she sometimes finds condescending and unhelpful. For example, when pitching a comedy pilot several years ago, producers told her to stay quiet during meetings. She listened to their suggestion but regrets doing so because she had important contributions to make. She is confident in her instincts and refuses to be passive. Women’s age does not have to limit their opportunities. For instance, she invited a woman in her seventies, whose poise impressed her, to appear in Commence ads, introduced her to her agent, and set her on a new career path.
Despite her ambition, Shields is also comfortable saying “no” to projects that she finds unfulfilling: “Do I want to do this? If I had to boil down the joy and freedom of aging to one question, that would be it” (229). Women matter as they age, even if society does not always acknowledge their value. Shields states that women can flex their power by living in ways that counter gendered ageism and prioritizing their enjoyment.
Chapters 12-14 Analysis
Shields reflects on both the past and the promise of the future, again emphasizing Empowerment Through Aging. She challenges misconceptions about ambition and the power of regret, urging women to embrace their evolving aspirations and confidence.
Shields argues that ambition is a strength, linking it to the confidence she discussed earlier in the book. In fact, she says that ambition is a core part of who she is. Being ambitious does not mean being vain but pursuing one’s goals with gusto. In her youth, she aspired to be an award-winning actor. When her plans did not go exactly as she hoped, she experienced a sense of loss: “I held on to the idea that if only I’d gotten that movie [Dangerous Liaisons], my acting career would have taken a different path. I would have been considered a more serious actress, or more respected roles would have come my way” (188). However, rather than allowing regret to define her, Shields demonstrates how shifting ambitions can lead to greater fulfillment. She found her niche in comedy, and she began to hone her skills in this area. This discovery allowed her to “let go of this false sense of how [her] value was determined” (192). Once she focused on her strengths, new opportunities came her way, and it led to her friendship with Ali Wentworth. Through this evolution, she highlights the importance of adaptability and self-acceptance, showing that regret does not have to dictate one’s future.
Today, Shields’s ambition centers on personal fulfillment and less on garnering the admiration of others. She addresses the common question from other middle-aged women—how to achieve success in their goals—and offers a simple yet powerful response: Rely on accumulated wisdom, trust in self-confidence, and recognize when to seek guidance. By midlife, some women might have developed extensive personal and professional networks, providing them with valuable resources to help them pursue new ventures. Shields exemplifies this approach through her experience launching her brand, Commence. Acknowledging her limited business expertise, she sought advice and collaborated with others, demonstrating that ambition and confidence are most effective when paired with humility. Rather than equating one’s knowledge gaps with weakness, Shields frames awareness of one’s limitations as a strength and an openness that fosters learning and growth.
Shields concludes with a call to action for women: Reject passivity, embrace wisdom and confidence, and prioritize joy. By living fully—free from regret and societal pressures that glorify youth—women engage in an act of defiance against misogyny and ageism.
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