Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old: Thoughts on Aging as a Woman

“But there is nothing to ‘overcome’ about aging. That’s the whole point!”

Shields contends that aging is not something to lament. Rather, aging is a privilege because it means that one has lived. Survival is something to celebrate.

“It’s freeing not to have external pressures or timelines around marriage or fertility or parenting, but it’s also confusing.”

Shields finds middle age to be a time of liberation from the responsibilities and obligations that come with youth and are specific to women, like the pressure to get married and have children before their fertility ends. Now that these concerns no longer dominate her life, she finds new freedom, but this new phase also means transitioning away from familiar and comforting circumstances.

“But in the eyes of Hollywood I am in no-man’s land. As an actress in your forties or fifties, you aren’t Bridget Jones but you aren’t Miss Daisy, and so you languish.”

The entertainment industry treats women in middle age as invisible. They are deemed too old to take on leading roles, like a love interest in a romantic comedy, but too young to take on elder roles. Middle-aged women have few opportunities to take on significant roles in films.

“Maybe it was because I was celebrated primarily for my looks. I didn’t feel like people took the rest of me—my intellect and my talent, in particular—very seriously. And I was never really encouraged to have strong opinions or to use my voice. I was taught to be a people pleaser.”

Shields’s career began in infancy, and she rose to fame as a teen model and actress. Time magazine designated her the face of the 1980s, and she infamously modeled for Calvin Klein jeans. This elevation of her looks combined with her mother’s influence eroded her confidence in her intellect and her ability to self-advocate. She said “yes” to virtually any opportunity, even if it was something she did not enjoy because she put others’ needs before herself.

“I said no to things I didn’t want to do, which felt terrifying and defiant but also revelatory.”

Age has changed Shields’s people-pleasing tendencies. She no longer says “yes” to all opportunities because she recognizes that she wants to spend the remainder of her life enjoying herself. She has learned to center her own happiness while also caring for her loved ones.

“When men exude confidence, it’s not only expected but admired, whereas when we do it, it’s met with shock and disdain. It was a reminder that while women are more confident as we mature, the world is just catching up.

Shields points out a gendered double standard. She was taught to be a people pleaser at a young age, and this trend continued into adulthood. Women who are assertive are often demonized, while men who exercise their assertiveness are simply viewed as masculine authority figures. Society sees confidence in men as natural, while women’s confidence is deviant.

“These days, I get a thrill from the awareness that my future is unknown.”

Shields found uncertainty unsettling in her youth. Today, however, her lived experiences have given her the confidence to approach uncertainty with excitement rather than dread. She knows that she can face challenges well.

“I used to live in the wreckage of the future.”

In her youth, Shields dreaded the future because of its unknown outcomes. She worried about her career and her relationships, which led her to say “yes” to things she did not always enjoy or want.

“But it was my female fertility specialist who told me that my difficulty getting pregnant was probably a result of the cone biopsy. But the first doctor, the male who performed the biopsy, should have been the one to tell me.”

Shields recounts several experiences with medical sexism. She had difficulty conceiving her daughters but was unaware that this was likely because of a previous gynecological medical procedure. A male physician performed this cone biopsy but never informed Shields about the adverse effects.

“My body was public domain.”

Shields appeared in her first commercial when she was only 11 months old and grew up in the public eye. Her changing body has thus always been the subject of public scrutiny. This scrutiny persists as she ages, but she now has the confidence that comes with age to no longer care about these critiques.

“Sometimes it’s easier to notice the physical changes in yourself than the emotional or mental ones, so even though much of my headspace had evolved over the last decade, this contrast between how I looked and felt physically and how society treated me was easier to spot.”

Shields’s body confidence has increased with age, especially as she learned to care for herself in ways that support her health rather than just focusing on physical attractiveness. She feels good in her body, but that confidence contrasts with the way society treats her, and other women her age, as invisible. Shields finds this contrast “glaring” and ironic.

“You’re an ‘empty vessel,’ and suddenly ignored.”

The modern world continues to center women’s value on their reproduction. Once a woman is past her fertile years, her social value collapses, and she is subjected to the social phenomenon known as “invisible woman syndrome.” Older women are underrepresented in media and treated as socially irrelevant.

“I won’t deny that I was surprised to develop such a close friendship in this phase of my life. I guess I didn’t think it was possible. I already had a bestie from high school. Can you meet another, different kind of best girlfriend, later in life? I guess so. It feels like a version of falling in love again—and that’s something you might not expect to happen in your fifties. Although this phenomenon isn’t unique to me. According to one study, older adults have more close friendships than younger people do.”

Shields writes about her pleasant surprise at discovering a new best friend in Ali Wentworth. Women in midlife often have an established circle of friends, leaving little room for new friendships. But Shields and Wentworth quickly developed a close bond because of their shared interests. Close friendships are critical as we age because they support emotional well-being and physical longevity.

“Nothing is such a mixed bag of emotions as becoming an empty nester. You want them to love home, but you want them to be okay on their own. You want them to be independent, and yet there’s some delight when they still need you.”

Shields contrasts the grief she felt when her eldest daughter, Rowan, left home for college with the newfound freedom of being an empty nester. She has close relationships with both of her children, which she relishes, and worked to help them grow into strong, independent adults—something her own mother failed to do for her.

“Loneliness in middle age can be truly dangerous. It’s bad for your health, and as plenty of research has shown, it’s a predictor of an early demise. But solitude is a very different thing. It’s an intentional choice, one that allows you time for self-reflection and to enjoy your own company.”

Shields distinguishes loneliness from solitude. She finds solitude to be a welcome comfort after having devoted so many years to rearing children, which brings busy schedules and little time for oneself.

“Still, even if I’m not looking for romance, the way men receive me is noteworthy, because the patriarchy is real. When men stop noticing you, it’s a pretty good indicator of how the world at large is going to treat you.”

The “invisible woman syndrome” that characterizes media extends to lived experiences. Shields recognizes that men treat her differently now because they find her aging unsettling. When they do not recognize her celebrity, she is often ignored, which reflects a larger social problem with the way we diminish and devalue older women.

“It’s a momentous shift when you start learning from your kids.”

Shields acknowledges another positive aspect of aging: the evolving relationship with her children. Now that she is no longer immersed in the daily responsibilities of raising them, she can enjoy an adult friendship with her daughters. Through this bond, they have helped her see herself in new ways and grow into a better person.

“For a long time, I thought being an ambitious actress meant being a specific kind of actress. One who won Oscars, who was considered a thespian.”

Shields confronts her career regrets. Her career did not take the course that she hoped it would when she was young, and she turned down some opportunities when her daughters were young so that she would be near home. However, today, she does not regret these choices because her family is the most important thing in her life. She finds fulfillment in a variety of ways. For example, she found her niche in comedy, and she no longer longs to be an Oscar-winning actress.

“Hollywood specializes in pitting women against each other, but at some point, my attitude changed when I realized we can be in community without being in competition.”

Shields has strong friendships with other women in the entertainment industry, recognizing and celebrating their success rather than envying them. She no longer feels the need to compete but revels in empowering female companionship.

“Historically, ambition has been defined as a drive that is specifically linked to career. But really, ambition is a desire to achieve a particular end.”

Ambition is not something of which women must be ashamed. Ambition does not equal narcissism, nor must it be tied only to one’s career development. Shields is ambitious in many ways, not only in her career but also in her personal development.

“Women have hit the point where they’re beginning to think about those dreams deferred, and they’re wondering: If not now, when? And, at the same time, they’re also wondering if they’ve already missed the boat. Is it too late?”

Shields assures her audience that women in midlife still have a lot to accomplish. She counters the popular notion that middle age means stagnation. Instead, this new phase brings confidence to successfully take on new challenges and pursue dreams that women may have put on hold while they reared their children. She encourages women to pursue their passions, using her own experience of starting a hair care line as an example. She was completely new to business but managed to launch Commence because she had the confidence to ask questions and partner with others who could help her be successful.

“It’s funny how the older we get, the more we understand how much we don’t know.”

Youth brings fear of the unknown and failure. Life experiences, however, mean that older women are more confident in acknowledging holes in their knowledge and asking for help.

“Once you verbalize your struggle, you give people who are dealing with something similar a context to coexist.”

Talking about one’s experiences with aging, like going through menopause, builds community. Shields hopes that other women will identify with her experiences with aging and grow in confidence, too.