Cackle

Annie thinks of herself as someone who is emotionally fragile, at least in the wake of her breakup, introducing the theme of The Fear of Being Alone and the Freedom of Autonomy as she tries to adjust to life as a single woman. To prepare for her birthday with Nadia, she has to put up “emotional scaffolding,” which she feels “beginning to come down” after they visit the psychic (11). This metaphor conveys how worn down she feels, as though she requires support. After purchasing a pack of gum that professes to taste of birthday cake, she calls the inevitable let-down “classic” Annie: “To put faith in something implausible, like […] birthday-cake-flavored gum, like a storybook happily ever after, like true love. Whenever I’m let down by reality, I’m simultaneously shocked and embarrassed by my lack of ability to anticipate the completely predictable outcome” (27). Annie’s comparison of her disappointment over the gum to feeling similarly let down by notions “like a storybook happily ever after, like true love” reveals how her heartbreak is never far from her mind, with reminders appearing even through the most seemingly inconsequential things (27).

Annie’s relationship with Sam has been so important to her that it’s practically taken over her personality. Annie says that it’s easy to adjust one’s life for a new love, describing it as “when you’re […] malleable as an infant’s skull. You make so much space in […] your heart, and when the person you love leaves, you’re all stretched out. There’s so much room inside me that […] I don’t know how to fill” (24). She even switches to use the second-person pronoun “you,” as if to distance herself from the pain it would cause her to say “I,” to fully see this pain as her own. When Nadia mentions Sam on Annie’s birthday, it feels “like an ice pick to the sternum” (2). The memory of a relationship that used to be comforting, validating, and such an important part of Annie’s sense of self has become more like a weapon.

Annie also struggles with recognizing her value as a single woman, feeling as if the failure of the relationship reflects poorly on herself. In these early chapters, she feels cynical and frequently engages in negative self-talk because her self-confidence is so low after her breakup. She alludes to fairy tales, to “storybook” happy endings that include true love, how she knows that they are purely fictional, but she cannot stop wishing for them anyway. Her allusion to the story of Rapunzel while she braids her hair also suggests how pervasive these stories are in her mind: The female characters are all beautiful and sweet, and they are all married and blissful at the end of their stories. Annie, on the other hand, describes herself as looking like a “mythical trash monster” (28) and doubts she will ever find her “prince” now. Her fears speak to how she measures her personal value by both her attractiveness to men and to whether or not she is one-half of a couple. A large part of her character arc will thus center upon Annie learning how to value herself as an individual, regardless of her relationship status.

The text’s mood in this section varies between a portentous, even threatening atmosphere, and flashes of something more hopeful and serene, reflecting the emotional upheaval Annie experiences as she faces her big life changes. Before she leaves New York City, Annie personifies the sun as “tired and bitter, slouching away after another long shift” (1), reflecting how Annie herself feels. When she goes out with Nadia, she notes the “sputtering and pale [sign] that reads PSYCHIC,” thinking, “It’s literally a bad sign” (6). Then, when she drives to Rowan, she says she’s “been driving around in silence like a serial killer because every song that comes on feels like a bad omen” (17). Her simile makes her seem monstrous—more negative self-talk—and reflects how she fears a bleak future, perhaps the “dark” one promised by the psychic.

However, when Annie stops for food on the way, she watches the sun rise, seeing “the hint of a blue day prodding the soft lavender dawn” (17). Similarly, when she arrives at the “dreamy” house she’s to live in, it’s surrounded by “the soft chorus of nature. Gently rustling leaves, the faint whistle of birdsong” (19), emphasizing the “soft[ness]” of upstate to the harsh sharpness of Annie’s life in the city. Further, on her first day out in town, she notes that every single person greets her warmly, with a smile at least, “And every time it happens, it’s like a sip of hot tea. It’s macaroni and cheese; it’s cozy slippers; it’s cashmere. It’s comfort” (48).

Nevertheless, Annie’s descriptions of Sophie, Rowan, and its residents are also sometimes ambiguous, revealing her lingering doubts and insecurities as she tries to blend into her new community. Of the view from her kitchen, for example, Annie says, “I can’t shake the feeling the woods are looking back at me, sizing me up just the same as I am them” (21, emphasis added). When she meets Sophie, Annie notes how “she puts her other hand over mine, like my hand is something precious or fragile, something that requires extra care. Like a gem or a sick bird” (31). Sophie’s attention makes Annie feel good about herself, and she even thinks she looks “incredible” when she sees herself in the mirror at Sophie’s home. However, Sophie jokes that everyone in Rowan is nice “‘because we kill anyone who isn’t […].’ She looks back at me, wearing a smirk like a mink coat” (51). The joke is morbid, but the simile conveys a smugness, as it’s a “smirk” as opposed to a “smile,” and it reminds Annie of a mink coat— something expensive and luxurious, but which is also associated with death. Annie is thus torn between embracing her new home and friendship with Sophie, and feeling wary about these new changes.

The townspeople’s reactions to Sophie also introduce the theme of Small-Town Conformity and the Policing of “Difficult” Women, hinting at the unusual status Sophie has within the town. When Annie and Sophie walk together, Annie thinks, “I experienced the general friendliness earlier, but this is different. Excessive. The people fawn over her. I watch their expressions as they see her, as her presence dawns on their faces” (56-57). The excessive greetings, the head bowing, even the tension in others’ smiles when Sophie appears all suggest that there is much about Sophie that is not immediately observable. At Sophie’s extravagant home, Annie notes that her oven is “big enough to fit a few small children” (65)—another fairy-tale allusion that also happens to suggest that there is something witchlike about her new friend.