Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?: A Memoir

At the facility, George wondered what the place was called. Chast explained that it was “assisted living.” She put on a cheerful front, showing them the crafts center, gym, and bar. Chast started referring to the facility as “the Place.” She reflected that it was pleasant, unlike the shabby one in Brooklyn. The decor was cheerful, with pink, peach, soft green, and neutral tones, and the carpets and walls were adorned with stripes and flowers. There was a chessboard, a pool table, and a jigsaw puzzle station. Chast’s parents had no idea that all the rooms were unfurnished, and Chast had to buy all the furniture. The monthly fee at the Place was $7,400, plus another $600 for a personal support plan, none of which insurance covered.

Eventually, George and Elizabeth settled into a routine. Elizabeth started using a walker and could walk to the dining hall by herself, socializing with other residents. Dinner at the Place was “like the high school cafeteria, but with old people” (132). Cliques of long-time residents often excluded others. George and Elizabeth received criticism from other residents for talking too much and for Elizabeth’s insistence on being right about everything. They felt out of practice with socializing, having been “each other’s only mirror for too long” (133).

The first few months were relatively uneventful, except for George and Elizabeth complaining about the facility’s rules and feeling like inmates. Then, one night in early June, four months after they arrived at the Place, Chast received a call after midnight. It was someone from the Place informing her that George had fallen and was being taken to the hospital with a broken hip. Although his hip was fixed, George was never the same afterward. He refused to do physical therapy, saying he was “95 years old and TIRED” (142). Chast took Elizabeth to visit him at the hospital every day and resented taking care of her.

George was eventually released from the hospital, but his needs exceeded the level of care provided by the Place. He was moved to a nearby nursing home until he recovered. The nursing home was sad: “There was no attempt to disguise what it was. No sofas, no sconces” (143). George refused physical therapy and barely ate. He was depressed and missed Elizabeth. Eventually, the nurses and doctors at the nursing home decided it was better for him to be with Elizabeth, and they recommended hiring extra help so he could return to the Place. Chast started to have financial concerns: Her parents’ health insurance plan did not carry over to Connecticut, which shocked Chast. On Page 148, an illustration depicts characters from old childhood books that Chast envisions as representing the two versions of her: “Gallant” and “Goofus.” Gallant forgave her parents, treasured the time she spent with them, and didn’t worry about money; Goofus, on the other hand, resented her parents for past grievances, wished she didn’t have to care for them, and dreaded the idea of their moving in with her.

Chast came to understand that death is often a prolonged and arduous process. It’s typically “painful, humiliating, long-lasting, complicated, and hideously expensive” (149). Despite receiving the extra care, her father continued to deteriorate. He didn’t leave the bed, and Elizabeth never left his side. Chast asked the staff at the Place about what would happen when the money ran out. They reassured her, saying they would work it out. At the end of July, George told Elizabeth that he was tired of his bedsores and would prefer to die. His defeatist attitude upset her. Later, he was admitted into hospice care, which Elizabeth disapproved of, insisting on positive thinking. Elizabeth was uncomfortable with the concept of palliative care, viewing it as giving up. However, George’s condition worsened, and morphine became the only thing that alleviated his pain. The medication made him drowsy. One day, he noticed something on the floor and asked Chast what it was. She replied that it was a Kleenex, to which he responded, “Kleenex abounding.”

At the end of September, George developed pneumonia, and the doctors discovered a mass in his chest. Uncertain of its nature, they suggested surgery. Chast and her mother decided against it, knowing George wouldn’t recover. George is given a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) bracelet. Around that time, Chast had a peculiar experience with a Ouija board. In a black-and-white panel titled “Weird But True” on Page 159, Chast recounts how one night, her children were playing with a Ouija board and invited her to ask a question. She asked if her father would die soon. The board’s answer was, “Heaven beckons.” On October 16, 2007, Chast received a call from a nurse informing her that George was having trouble swallowing. She rushed to the Place and brought him his favorite ice cream. Noticing that he seemed very tired, she got in in bed next to him. He asked about Nina, Chast’s daughter, and she told him that she was playing her banjo. He smiled and fell asleep. Elizabeth remained in denial about her husband’s impending death. That afternoon, Chast received a call that he was passing. She drove back to the Place, but he had already died. Chast took her mother back to her house. On Page 160 is a black-and-white photograph of Chast and her father, with his name and dates of birth and death written underneath.

At home, Chast and her mother quietly ate pizza. It felt surreal to Chast that her father just died and life kept going. She reassured her mother that “someday, in some unforeseeable future” they would “all be reunited” (162). Elizabeth didn’t believe it. The next morning, Chast woke up early to drive her daughter to school and noticed a terrible smell emanating from the living room, where her mother was sleeping, and realized that her mother lost control of her bowels overnight, and the floors, rugs, and sofa were covered in excrement. Chast helped her mother clean up and later drove her back to the Place. They never spoke of the incident. Reflecting on the end of life, Chast wishes something were pleasurable to look forward to, like “all-you-can-eat ice cream parlors for the extremely aged” or even “opium, or heroin” (164).