Chasing Love

“This time, I manage to laugh instead of yell. It’s been a long time since I’ve flirted with a guy, and if there’s anyone worth flirting over it’s Julian Baker. I have a good feeling about this.”

Charlie’s tone in this scene conveys her excitement over dating Julian Baker. For the past nine years, Charlie has isolated herself and set love aside in an attempt to heal from her and Lex’s breakup. In the present, she discovers a newfound ability to “laugh” and “flirt.” These are positive expressions of joy that convey Charlie’s desire for a stable, loving romance. The moment also foreshadows the rapid development of her and Julian’s love affair.

“I isolate myself, losing contact with old friends. Relationships aren’t for me. I fuck when I need to let off steam, and that’s that. When a rare opportunity for peace presents itself, I sit with a bourbon in my hand. Those are the moments I dread the most—they bring my failures to the surface and allow me to think of the past.”

Lex Edwards self-described isolation and coldness convey how his and Charlie’s breakup has changed him over the years. Lex has distanced himself from intimate relationships because he has found it easier to steel himself than to try investing in others again. At the same time, his withholding and stoic nature has kept him from facing his past. He intentionally tries to bury his memories, but they resurface in quiet moments, evidence of The Difficulty of Escaping the Past.

“Life is perfect, and I’m sitting on top of the world while wearing my new Louboutins. Yet, somewhere in the dark passages within me, I’m trying to bury deeper the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that there’s a dark storm gathering on the horizon. A storm so brutal and ready to rock me to my very core.”

Charlie’s internal and external experiences live in conflict with one another. On the outside, Charlie is “on top of the world.” She is wearing designer heels and enjoying her life. On the inside, Charlie feels a storm gathering in her stomach. This metaphorical storm is a symbol of Charlie’s past. Because she hasn’t reconciled with “the dark passages” inside of herself, her past trauma threatens to return and undo her.

“So, stop beating yourself up over it. He loves you, you love him. He treats you like you deserve to be treated, and according to my wife, he’s sex on legs. Whatever the hell that means, but I can take a guess. Take the leap, Charlie. You’ll see how great life can be, and as time moves on, so will your feelings. This is great.”

Finn’s advice offers Charlie perspective on her new relationship with Julian Baker. Charlie is afraid to open herself to love again and unsure if marrying Julian is the right decision. Finn plays the devil’s advocate, urging Charlie to take a risk. He understands The Difficulty of Escaping the Past and wants Charlie to let go of her past pain and embrace joy in the present. His words compel Charlie into a more committed relationship with Julian despite her ongoing angst.

“This can’t be. The ghost of my dreams, my fantasies, and most importantly, my memories. The past comes flooding back to me like a movie being replayed in my head. I can’t believe it’s her, nine years later.”

Lex’s unexpected encounter with Charlie in New York City reawakens his past hurts and longings. Charlie is a representation of the life and love that Lex once had. Simply seeing her at the restaurant brings this era to life once more. He compares his memories to a “flood” or a “movie” replaying in his mind. These metaphors convey notions of an intense natural force or an immersive cinematic experience, capturing the intensity of Charlie’s effect on Lex’s psyche.

“So, she was in New Haven all that time? Her mother gave me no inkling of that when I went to look for her. I try not to focus on the regret starting to creep in at not finding her and telling her how sorry I was. Why didn’t I try harder? Why didn’t I continue until she was in my arms again?”

Lex is surprised to learn about Charlie’s life since they’ve been apart because he is trying to reconcile the past with the present. For years, he has believed that Charlie was out of reach. When he learns where she was and what she was doing, he wonders if it is possible to rekindle their love affair. The interrogative, desperate tone mirrors his desperate desire to be with Charlie again.

“Lex grabs my hand without consideration for Julian leaving and places the other on my hip. The tightness in my chest causes my smile to waver. The sheer touch of him is causing a massive meltdown inside. He smells just like I remember—home.”

Charlie and Lex’s reunion at the charity ball reignites memories of their shared past. Charlie is overcome by emotion at being close to Lex again. She compares his scent to “home”—a metaphor that evokes notions of comfort, security, and stability. Despite how much Lex hurt her, Charlie feels safe being in his arms and presence once more. This moment conveys her deep attachment to him.

“Yes, I have a plan. It just needs to be executed. [Charlie] can control herself as much as she wants, but little does she know that I know of her weakness. Jealousy runs deep within her veins, and somehow, I need to ignite the flame beneath that jealousy and make it burn wild.”

Lex’s willingness to toy with Charlie to get what he wants conveys his understanding of Love as a Battle for Power. Lex doesn’t like that he keeps losing self-control in Charlie’s presence. To get revenge, he wants to render Charlie powerless, too. His engagement in this emotional game conveys his possessive nature. Further, he uses diction like” weakness,” “jealousy,” “veins,” “flame,” “burn,” and “wild,” to create an intense, aggressive mood.

“Every time I see Alex, the surge of anger consumes me whole. Anger for leaving me behind, for choosing her, but mostly because my heart craves him, forgetting about the giant scar it left in the middle.”

Charlie’s feelings for Lex are defined by contradiction. On the one hand, Charlie is overcome by anger whenever she is in Lex’s presence. She says this anger “consumes her whole,” a metaphor implying that she is powerless to tamp down her frustration. On the other hand, Charlie feels desperate to be with Lex whenever she sees him. Her longing and her frustration conflict with one another and intensify Charlie’s internal turmoil.

“How dare she assume I’m just like everyone else. I might have been young and foolish, but I loved her like no other man could. I’ve fucked-up so many times that I’ll admit now, I just need a final chance to make things right. Until she tells me tonight’s all one big mistake. You’re nothing to me. I’m marrying him.”

Lex and Charlie’s secret sexual encounter confuses Lex’s feelings for Charlie and his perception of their future together. Lex believes that he and Charlie deserve a second chance at love and that Charlie should forgive him for hurting her. However, he is rattled when Charlie pulls away and tries establishing boundaries with him. Lex is unaccustomed to being told no. He expects to get what he wants. Charlie’s resistance to his passion intensifies his frustration and heightens the narrative tension.

“Sitting so close to her, I couldn’t help but feel this overwhelming need to touch her, to hold her in my arms. Her honesty and compassion astounded me. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and I wanted nothing more than to place it in my hands and promise to cherish it for the rest of my life.”

In this flashback chapter, Lex realizes his intense attraction to and affection for Charlie. He isn’t merely interested in her because she is attractive. Rather, he admires her “honesty and compassion.” He relates to her vulnerability and wants to love and comfort her. The loving, caring tone of his internal monologue clarifies the characters’ historical connection.

“Everything I felt in the past week had slapped me right in the face. They were here as a married couple. That’s right, married, I had to keep reminding myself. Suddenly, our flirtatious texts seemed foolish and adolescent. What was I thinking? I had no right lusting after a married guy.”

Charlie’s response to seeing Lex and Samantha’s house complicates her ability to pursue an affair with Lex. Charlie is overcome by guilt when she remembers that Lex is married. Her internal monologue underscores her self-reflective nature. She and Lex do end up having a relationship, but this passage suggests that Charlie doesn’t engage in this affair thoughtlessly.Charlie’s response to seeing Lex and Samantha’s house complicates her ability to pursue an affair with Lex. Charlie is overcome by guilt when she remembers that Lex is married. Her internal monologue underscores her self-reflective nature. She and Lex do end up having a relationship, but this passage suggests that Charlie doesn’t engage in this affair thoughtlessly.

“This isn’t goodbye—far from it. I’m going to go to London to sort out all the shit there, then get set up here. All I have to do is get through the next two weeks without seeing her. If I can last nine years without her, I can last two damn weeks. At least that’s what I tell myself. Yes, I can do that. I’m used to being in control. Then why does it fucking hurt like hell to leave?”

Lex’s internal monologue affects a simultaneously determined and worried tone. Lex is trying to convince himself that he can go “two weeks without seeing” Charlie. At the same time, he doubts his ability to maintain necessary distance in their relationship. The pain he refers to in the passage’s final sentence is an emotional pain. He experiences discomfort at the mere thought of Charlie’s absence. This internal dynamic implies that Lex has a softer heart than he lets on.

“Did I really think having a make-out session would erase the past or give me closure? The scars are still ingrained in me, and no matter how hard I try to erase them, they’ll forever remain a part of me.”

Charlie questions her own decisions when she feels frustrated for losing control. She has repeatedly told herself not to let Lex back into her life. At the same time, her lingering feelings for him have made it difficult for her to resist his advances. In this passage, she recognizes The Difficulty of Escaping the Past. She fears that her past will always shadow her life in the present, because she has yet to reconcile these competing eras.

“No, he isn’t Lex. He’s a sweet, humble, compassionate, caring man. He treats me with respect, always sincere with his intentions. He makes me smile, never argues with me. Meanwhile, Lex has become this cold, arrogant son of a bitch who treats me like I’m his possession. Instead of making me smile, he angers me to my core.”

Charlie privately compares Julian to Lex because she is trying to make sense of her own feelings. The men are foils of one another. Where Julian is “sweet, humble, compassionate, and caring,” Lex is “cold, arrogant” and possessive. Charlie is trying to remind herself that Julian is an innately better person. Rationally, she knows Julian is better for her. At the same time, she is in active conflict with her heart—which wants Lex despite his cruelty towards her.

“The only thing I’m sure about is that she’s mine, and no one is going to take her away from me. Not now. Not ever. Still, I can’t shake my hostility toward her for forgiving Samantha. Why did she do it? What about me? Why won’t she forgive me?”

Lex’s anger with Charlie for withholding forgiveness conveys his frustration with The Difficulty of Escaping the Past. Despite what he did to Charlie, he believes that he still deserves her grace. He doesn’t want to keep focusing on this era of their relationship, because he is desperate for a second chance. This passage conveys Lex’s passionate belief in love’s transformative powers while also suggesting that he has little concept of how much he hurt Charlie.

“With fire burning in his eyes, I know no matter how angry or hurt I am over our past and present, the control Lex has over me is far greater. We’re fire and gasoline, a deadly combination ready to explode without a moment’s notice. And the terrifying part is, I have no control around him, I’m holding the match, watching him pour the gasoline, ready to watch us burst into flames. Again.”

Charlie’s reflections on her and Lex’s passionate relationship convey the stakes of Love as a Battle for Power. She and Lex have repeatedly tried to overpower and to control one another. In this intimate scene, Charlie begins to realize that love and chemistry are overpowering them both. She likens their connection to “fire and gasoline,” a metaphor that evokes notions of uncontrollable emotion.

“He pulls away from me, taking the necklace out of the box and motions for me to turn around. Placing the pendant on my chest, he fastens the clip at the back. Like placing the missing piece from a puzzle in its spot, everything at the moment feels right.”

The image of Lex clasping the phoenix necklace around Charlie’s neck conveys his love for her and his hope that they’ll rekindle their relationship. The phoenix symbolizes rebirth. Lex wants the necklace to convey his desire for a second chance. Charlie doesn’t vocalize her feelings, but she does compare the necklace to “the missing piece from a puzzle.” This metaphor evokes notions of completion, suggesting that she and Lex do in fact belong together.

“The crowd cheers and whistles as the song finishes. The words were plain and simple. We can learn to love again, and we aren’t broken. At least I acknowledge the mistakes I made and keep making. At least I’m trying. She has to see that or else she wouldn’t have so openly sung this song.”

The karaoke song Charlie performs for Lex conveys her intense feelings for him. Lex is thrilled by this expression of love because he has been longing for a sign from Charlie that she forgives and loves him. This moment marks a turning point in the characters’ fraught love affair.

“Alex, I’ve dreamed of this moment since we ran into each other in the kitchen, and nothing could ever compare to how wonderful that felt. Never in my life have I ever felt that way about anyone or shared something so intimate, but it confirmed my fears…I can’t stop. I want more. I want all of this with you. I want to feel you inside me, touching and exploring every part of my body.”

Charlie and Lex’s first sexual encounter nine years prior to the narrative present ignites their ongoing, passionate affair. In this intimate scene, Charlie expresses her emotions and desires clearly and concisely. Her direct tone here contrasts with the manipulative tactics both she and Lex use against each other later, as they experience Love as a Battle for Power.

“I can no longer deny that having him back in my life doesn’t make me happy. And that becomes part of a bigger problem. My happiness has become attached to him, to us. Again.”

Charlie’s internal monologue after her and Lex’s first platonic date creates a hopeful narrative mood. Charlie is still unsure about her and Lex’s future. However, in this moment, she feels a sense of possibility. Being with Lex affords her a sense of “happiness” that lifts her spirits and suggests that romantic bliss might be possible for the two lovers.

“No more friends bullshit. It’s time to give us a chance. […] No hidden messages, not through a song. I want the words to leave my lips, watch her face as the words ‘I love you’ leave my mouth and maybe, if I’m the luckiest guy who walks this earth, I’ll hear those words said in return. Three simple words to seal our fate.”

Lex experiences a revelation about his and Charlie’s relationship during one of his trips back to London. Charlie’s absence suddenly makes him understand how much he wants to be with her. He employs a direct, determined tone, which conveys his desperation to make things work with Charlie. The use of anaphora—repeating “no more” and “no hidden” at the starts of the sentences—conveys his urgency.

“He did what was expected of him back then, and I acted like a spoiled teen annoyed that he chose someone else. He’s different now, he truly is a man. A wonderful man. He has given me no reason at all not to trust him. So why do I still have this nagging feeling inside?”

Charlie studies Lex while they’re away in the Hamptons and has a revelation about who he is. Her meditative tone captures her desire to make sense of her and Lex’s future. She uses language like “truly” and “wonderful” to convey her belief in Lex’s integrity. At the same time, her tone shifts in the passage’s final line. Despite her belief in Lex’s goodness, her intuition is telling her something is wrong. This line foreshadows Lex’s betrayal at the novel’s end.