49 pages • 1-hour read
Chasing Love
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Themes
Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of mental illness and emotional manipulation.
The Difficulty of Escaping the Past
Charlie Mason’s fraught relationship with Lex Edwards generates conflict between competing versions of herself. Charlie and Lex (formerly Alex) fell in love and had an affair when Charlie was 18 and Lex was 25. Nine years later, Lex resurfaces in Charlie’s life—reigniting the heartbreak she thought she’d overcome when Lex abandoned her almost a decade prior. Charlie has kept her past with Lex hidden. He is “the skeleton in the closet that’s happy to remain in hibernation” (59). Just thinking about Lex causes Charlie internal unrest. She avoids talking about him with her new fiancé, Julian Baker, because she fears that “bring[ing] up the past” might compromise her idyllic romance in the present (59). However, the longer Charlie ignores her complex feelings for Lex, the more her emotional wounds fester.
Lex’s reappearance in Charlie’s life in New York unleashes memories of the girl she once was and the life she once thought she’d have with Lex. When she starts running into him around the city, Charlie repeatedly tells herself to “[f]orget the past” and ignore her longing for and frustrations with Lex (132). However, Charlie’s unresolved history with Lex keeps her from focusing on the present. This is why Charlie starts to engage in secret trysts with Lex while she’s still engaged to Julian. Julian represents her life in the present and her potential for a happy future. Lex represents her life in the past, and the broken dreams she never got to realize. When she’s with Lex again, she feels as if they might have a second chance at love and romance. Even time hasn’t erased the extensive history they shared as friends and lovers. At the same time, Charlie lives in constant fear of reverting to her past by letting Lex back in:
I refuse to go back to that place. What was once a meadow filled with love, promises, and sunshine has become a dungeon torturing me with pain. Nine years of trying to escape him, and now, he’s here holding onto me on the dance floor as if nothing ever happened between us (142).
The past and the present collide when Charlie and Lex are back together. Charlie is torn between accepting her new life without Lex and trying to rekindle their romance. Her contradictory, vacillating feelings heighten the narrative tension and capture how the past might dictate an individual’s life in the present.
Charlie ultimately chooses to give Lex a second chance—a decision that tugs her back into her past trauma and compromises her well-being in the present. Charlie’s decision to forgive and embrace Lex is a sign of her maturity and hope. At the same time, letting Lex back in yanks Charlie into a more fragile, immature version of herself. Her and Lex’s push-and-pull dynamic mirrors the conflict between Charlie’s past and present lives. When she chooses Lex, she is trying to relive the past. She doesn’t get a happily-ever-after ending with him because she and Lex haven’t fully made amends for their fraught history.
Love as a Battle for Power
Charlie and Lex’s second-chance romance and forbidden love affair become a battleground in which each lover, fearing vulnerability and heartbreak, vies for power over the other. Ever since Charlie and Lex started seeing each other nine years prior to the narrative present, their relationship has been defined by secrecy, passion, jealousy, revenge, anger, and desire. Their heated dynamic is never free of conflict or tension. In the past, Charlie and Lex couldn’t pursue a typical romance because Lex was married to Samantha Benson. The lovers were thus forced to sneak around, hiding their feelings from everyone—including Adriana Edwards, Lex’s sister and Charlie’s best friend. This secrecy disempowered Charlie. Lex’s marriage dictated their dynamic. Meanwhile, Lex would exhibit extreme jealousy and anger whenever Charlie spent time with other men. Charlie was thus caught between Lex’s marriage and her desire for teenage freedom. In the present, jealousy, secrecy, and deception continue to dictate the lovers’ dynamic. Lex is now single, but Charlie is engaged to the charming, perfect fiancé Julian. In this scenario, Lex feels powerless because of Charlie’s concurrent relationship with Julian. Charlie and Lex are thus constantly fighting for control over each other and within their undefined, but passionate dynamic.
Charlie and Lex’s relationship, built on the struggle for power in the absence of trust, ultimately leaves both disempowered and frustrated. Charlie and Lex play sexual games with each other in an attempt to gain the upper hand. However, love, passion, and sexual desire are ultimately the forces controlling both Charlie and Lex. Lex’s internal monologue in Chapter 29 reveals how his intense feelings for Charlie are consuming him:
I control everything I do and usually everyone around me. I just can’t comprehend that everything I’ve grown accustomed to is slowly slipping away. I’m scared of losing control, terrified she’s holding on to every piece of me, and with just one flick of her finger she will break me (291).
The metaphor of Charlie “breaking” Lex “with just one flick of her finger” conveys his sense of the enormous power she holds over him. As a billionaire investor, Lex is used to being in control, and his out-of-control emotions unsettle him. This trope—the wealthy, powerful man brought low by romantic obsession—is common in dark romance. Charlie similarly feels helpless when she’s around Lex. The “control Lex has over [her]” is so intense that she loses her ability to reason when they’re in each other’s company (334). The way Charlie and Lex give into their sexual desire when they’re together conveys the power their love has over their hearts, minds, and bodies. At times, they feel unrecognizable to themselves. At other times, they regard their undeniable attraction as a sign that they’re meant to be together. Love, the novel suggests, determines the balance of power between intimates—in both positive and negative ways.
Attraction as a Threat to Identity
Chapters narrated from Charlie’s point of view trace her ongoing efforts to discover her true identity over time. When Charlie was young, she felt controlled by her parents’ tumultuous relationship. She had a close friendship with Adriana and did well in school, but she often felt unhappy and unsettled, lonely and scared. Her secret affair with the enigmatic Lex Edwards offered her a retreat from her frustrating home life. He made her feel seen, understood, and valued for the first time in her life. She was so attached to him because he helped her understand her power, strength, beauty, and potential. At the same time, as soon as Lex disappeared from Charlie’s life without explanation—breaking his promises and disappointing her dreams—Charlie’s sense of self faltered. Over the subsequent nine years, she was forced to remake her life and rediscover herself on her own terms. This is why Lex’s reappearance in the narrative present disrupts Charlie emotionally and mentally. She is terrified that getting involved with Lex again will compromise her personal growth and self-realization.
Charlie’s internal monologue when she’s around Lex reveals her determination to maintain her independent identity. After running into Lex at the charity ball in Chapter 17, for example, Charlie tells herself: “Breathe, Charlie. Know your boundaries, you’re a strong, independent woman who knows a player when you see one. He just wants to get laid, nothing more” (178). Charlie is trying to remind herself of who she has become. She recognizes that she is in danger of reverting to her younger, vulnerable self when she is in Lex’s presence. She does not want to lose her new, adult identity just because Lex has resurfaced in New York. Since her and Lex’s breakup, Charlie has indeed established herself as an independent, self-possessed woman. She overcame a mental breakdown, recovered from her grandmother’s death, attended law school, created a life for herself in New York City, and opened a law firm with her best friend. These accomplishments have instilled in Charlie a sense of confidence, power, and self-worth. Charlie defends this personal growth because she has had to work for it.
Charlie’s decision to let Lex back into her life and heart ultimately compromises her mental and emotional stability by the end of the novel. She wants to believe in “new beginnings,” hope, and forgiveness and thus accepts Lex’s impromptu marriage proposal during their weekend in the Hamptons (497). However, her hope is quickly dashed when she discovers that Lex has deceived her yet again. Her anger with his betrayal consumes Charlie, “poisoning every positive thought,” and “drain[ing] [her] of all [her] beliefs, all [her] hopes” (514). This twist ending conveys how complicated romantic and sexual relationships can upset the individual’s sense of self. For Charlie, loving Lex is inextricable from pain, hurt, and sorrow. The novel ends on an ambiguous note, implying that Charlie’s growth journey will continue in the series’ subsequent titles.
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