Confessions

To be near her son, Monica moved to Milan. The news that Augustine had left Manicheism pleased but did not surprise her, and she redoubled her prayers on his behalf since he had yet to commit meaningfully to Christianity. Monica took a liking to Ambrose, thankful for his positive influence on her son, and he was fond of her in return. Eager to learn more from Ambrose, Augustine visited him frequently hoping for an audience, but the bishop was too busy preaching and reading. Still, his teachings slowly brought Augustine closer to Christianity, especially as Ambrose cultivated his conception of God as an endless spiritual essence rather than a flesh-bound entity.

However, insecure about his doubts and defensive about the years he had wasted away from God, Augustine found himself ridiculing Christianity for superficial inconsistencies. Still, he continued to find new reasons to reconsider Christianity: It seemed to him more moderate in its unprovable claims, he recognized many nonreligious truths are also a matter of faith, he was impressed by its widespread popularity, it did not contradict philosophy, and he came to view many elements of scripture that he had once thought ridiculous “as holy and profound mysteries” (100).