Our Fault

“I dropped my backpack on the conveyor belt, took off my watch and bracelets, took off the necklace with the pendant that I always wore—even if I should have taken it off a long time ago—and set it all down next to my cell phone and the spare change I had in my pocket.”

Noah’s interaction with her pendant captures the symbolic significance of the item. Noah is attached to the necklace because it represents what she and Nick had before they broke up. The image of her removing it in airport security foreshadows the scene where Nick takes the necklace back from her. Noah isn’t aware of it yet, but she’ll soon have to make peace with her and Nick’s fractured relationship—an emotional dynamic captured in this scene. In removing the necklace and her other accessories, Noah is preparing to emotionally let go of Guilt, Regret, and the Past, too.

“My mind was spinning thinking about what was going to happen in a few days. Jesus Christ…I’d have to see her again. I narrowed my eyes, glancing at the wedding invitation. There was nothing in this world I hated more just then than a stupid ceremony with two people pledging eternal love. What bullshit.”

Lion and Jenna Tavish’s wedding is a narrative device used to force Nick and Noah back into proximity. Nick’s harried, fretful tone in this passage conveys his fear of facing Noah in the wake of their breakup. He scoffs at the notion of marriage because he’s trying to emotionally detach from Noah—feelings he’ll be forced to reconcile with when they reunite at their friends’ wedding.

“My whole body was getting hot; even his hand resting on the gearshift made me nervous…His arms were so thick, his other hand so relaxed, leaning on the wheel…What was it that was so damn sexy about watching a man drive? I couldn’t stand it; I had to roll down the window, let the cool air in to get rid of his fragrance.”

Noah has a physiological response to being in Nick’s company again. Their forced proximity on the ride to the rehearsal dinner challenges Noah to reconcile her lingering feelings for Nick. The author uses sensory detail to capture the comprehensive nature of Noah and Nick’s connection and the way that simply being in each other’s presence has the power to override their differences.

“I couldn’t wait for the whole affair to be over. I needed to leave, get back to my life, where everything was under control. Noah had always brought me chaos, and by the end, I was completely at her mercy. That wouldn’t happen again. When she walked away from me once we were back inside, I was secretly thankful.”

Being in Noah’s company complicates Nick’s Quest for Personal Growth. Since their breakup, Nick has tried to quash his heartbreak using his new job and life in New York. He longs to return to the city in this scene because he wants to escape his feelings. His avoidant thoughts and behaviors capture his fear of working through his guilt, regret, and the past.

“Either way, I lay down in bed and looked at the ceiling. I’d wait for him…I’d wait for him until he came back, and when he did, I’d do absolutely everything to make him believe in me again, in us, in forgiveness, in love.”

Noah’s resolved tone conveys her belief in the redemptive power of love. Noah knows that she’s hurt Nick and still feels heartbroken over how he’s hurt her. Even still, Noah decides to physically wait for Nick at his apartment so that they can talk through their differences. In waiting on his bed, she also promises to wait in a metaphorical sense for Nick to come to terms with who they are to each other despite their difficult past.

“I’d given everything for love, and look where it’d got me. I knew if I wanted to get rid of her, I had to make her realize nothing was going to change. If I wanted to walk out that door and not get hurt again, I had to be hard, I had to stick my fingers straight into the wound.”

Nick’s determination to push Noah away conveys how guilt, regret, and the past are still controlling him. He is reluctant to let go of his heartbreak because he’s afraid of getting hurt again. He decides to hurt Noah to protect himself—a decision that captures the personal growth he has yet to accomplish as an individual and a romantic partner. The image of him sticking his “fingers straight into the wound” reiterates the emotional pain Nick still associates with his and Noah’s dynamic.

“You could have cut the tension with a knife. The atmosphere was icy. The kiss he’d given me couldn’t have been faker or more forced. I had no idea if Maddie had noticed, but if she thought she’d see the same Nick and Noah as before, she was wrong. I wasn’t going to pretend in front of her. I couldn’t bear it.”

The author uses figurative language to explore Noah’s intense emotional experience upon seeing Nick again. The tension between them is so palpable that Noah feels she “could have cut [it] with a knife” and the atmosphere of her home immediately turns “icy” when Nick enters the space. These images evoke notions of hostility and illustrate how trapped Noah feels in Nick’s presence. She doesn’t want “to pretend” but Nick’s behavior is controlling their dynamic. The scene reiterates the complex relationship that each protagonist has with guilt, regret, and the past continue to dictate their interactions.

“I shouldn’t have left Mad there, but even if I hated to admit it, I knew Noah would take care of her, and my sister would be fine. Of all the people in my life, including my father, the one person I trusted her with was Noah. Noah…I didn’t know if our truce had been a mistake. It was much easier to ignore my feelings for her when I was angry.”

Nick’s internal monologue provides insight into his complex emotional experience. Nick is still on a quest for personal growth and meditating on his relationship with Noah ushers him towards reconciliation and maturation. In this moment, Nick is beginning to come to terms with Noah’s goodness and recognizes what she offers him despite their complex history, showing his own growth along his character arc.

“I’m going to make love to you, Noah [...] Since we broke up, everything’s been shit. My life is falling apart, and it’s getting worse by the day. I hate needing you the way I do. I hate knowing that even now, you’re the only one who can make me forget, even if it’s just for a few minutes, that my mother is dying.”

Nick’s emotional vulnerability in this intimate scene marks a turning point in his character arc. Nick is claiming and articulating his feelings to Noah for the first time since they broke up. He uses a sincere and confessional tone that captures his authenticity and longing for closeness in his time of need. His words catalyze the characters’ sexual intimacy and foreshadow coming conflicts in their romantic dynamic.

“I got comfortable with the realization that I wasn’t just going to bump into Nick, that he really had gone to New York and was managing LRB from there, I relaxed and was able to work calmly. I liked the job. It didn’t leave me much time to think, much time to ruminate, and that was exactly what I needed.”

Noah’s new investment in work captures her determination to grow and change. Noah misses Nick but she is eager to move beyond her guilt, regret, and the past and establish herself on her own terms. Her new job at LRB offers her an opportunity for self-empowerment and reiterates her strength of character amidst adversity, helping along her quest for personal growth.

“Honestly, I didn’t. I felt awful. I wanted to get home and drink a giant glass of water, brush my teeth, cover up with a warm blanket. I was freezing. I started shaking, almost like I was spasming. Fuck…this was bad. Nick pulled me close, took off his suit jacket, and draped it over me.”

Noah’s weak physical state in this scene foreshadows her coming pregnancy discovery. Noah doesn’t know that she’s pregnant yet, but her body is trying to tell her something. The author uses a succession of verbs that enact Noah’s compromised health. She’s “freezing,” “shaking,” and “spasming” and the only thing that can make her feel better is being close to Nick. The image of him draping his jacket over her portends the way he’ll accept fatherhood and devote himself to Noah when he learns about Andrew.

“I let you do whatever you want with me when you were with someone else! I’ve hit the bottom with you; I’m letting you treat me like your property or a fucking toy you can pick up and dick around with when you get bored. You won’t let me get on with my life! Could you possibly be more selfish?!”

Noah’s bold, assertive tone in this scene of dialogue conveys her strength of character. Noah still loves Nick, but she refuses to be involved with him if he isn’t going to respect her. She is vocalizing her frustrations, feelings, and needs—newfound capacities that show her progress on her quest for personal growth.

“What the hell was she saying? Everything seemed to freeze, and the word miscarriage struck me like a giant hammer. Miscarriage, miscarriage, miscarriage…It didn’t matter how many times I thought it, it was impossible, impossible, because a miscarriage meant you had to be pregnant, and I wasn’t.”

Noah’s use of language enacts her shock at discovering she’s pregnant. She feels as if everything is freezing around her and that she’s being hit with “a giant hammer.” This figurative language captures the weight of the news and its disruptive effect on Noah’s psyche. Furthermore, Noah’s repetition of the words “miscarriage” and “impossible” conveys her struggle to reconcile with the doctor’s revelation and what it means about her past and future.

“Then he took some measurements. Everything was perfect, including the head size. I could even see a little wisp of hair. My eyes filled with tears…Seeing the child again, after finally coming to acceptance, and knowing it was healthy, made me happier than I’d been in years…and I wished I could share that happiness with a special someone.”

Noah’s emotional response to seeing her baby in the ultrasound captures the baby’s symbolic significance. The child represents hope, renewal, and the future. Noah feels happy when she sees the image again, because she understands that the baby might offer her a new life and a new sense of self. The narrative tone changes in the final line when Noah remembers that she’s alone—a tonal mutation that captures her longing and foreshadows her and Nick’s reconciliation.

“I grabbed his hand and brought it toward my belly. It was incredible…In spite of all the bad things, all the things I still needed to let out, I knew I’d remember it forever. Nick pulled up my shirt and placed his hand on my bare skin. My whole body burned from his touch.”

Noah and Nick’s intimate body language in this scene imagistically captures the redemptive power of love. They are touching one another’s hands and holding their hands to Noah’s stomach to feel Andrew kick. Their physical touch brings them emotionally together and shows how the baby will redeem their relationship and deliver them from guilt, regret, and the past.

“I’m going to have a kid with you, Noah. With you. Maybe it’ll take you time to believe it, but I’m not going anywhere.”

Nick’s simple, direct declaration in this scene of dialogue captures his character growth. Nick has finally reconciled with his love for Noah and his desire to create a life and family together. He is articulating his feelings to her in an open and honest way that shows that he is ready to let go of Guilt, Regret, and the Past and move forward together. His quiet insistence, a contrast to his usually fiery temper, underscores the power of his statement.

“That’s what people are going to see me as now: a mother. I’m not going to be the same girl as before, and I’m so scared because I don’t even know who I am…”

Noah uses a confessional tone with Nick as she tries to verbally reconcile with how her life has changed. Noah knows that becoming a mother is going to overturn her life. Instead of pretending the baby won’t change her, she tries to share her complex emotional experience with Nick. In doing so, she is embracing communication and honesty, letting Nick see her vulnerability as she continues her quest for personal growth.

“We can start off talking, we’ll make plans, you can tell me your worries and I’ll tell you mine, we’ll talk about how we’ll raise the kid, we’ll think about names, we’ll talk about the future. Because I love you, Noah. I love you, and I’m going to love you for the rest of my life.”

Nick’s profession of love marks a turning point in his and Noah’s relationship. Although the two have been back together for some time, this is the first time that Nick tells Noah how he feels. In doing so, he is taking a risk and opening himself back up to loving Noah. His words capture how he has grown and changed and convey his ongoing desire to let go of the past to shape a new future with Noah.

“And then…as if in a horror movie…it happened. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a traumatic experience yourself, something that marks you forever. Something that happens in slow motion right before your eyes with your brain registering all those tiny details you’d pay to forget. I saw everything…and I still remember every godforsaken detail of the fifteen seconds that passed, fifteen seconds when I was certain I would die.”

Noah breaks the fourth wall in this passage, addressing the reader directly (“you”) to convey the emotional significance of the airport shooting. Noah is disrupting her first-person narrative account to employ the second person direct address, creating a direct connection with the audience. This narrative shift mirrors the upheaval the shooting creates in the plot line and Noah’s life.

“But life was like that sometimes, unpredictable. You couldn’t control what came, what would be there when you rounded the corner. You couldn’t know whether you were on the right path. Fate had brought me here, and all I could do was give it my best…And my mother would have to do the same. ‘It’s a boy,’ I finally said.”

Noah’s reflective tone conveys how she has grown since discovering she was pregnant. She is internally reconciling with the unexpected events of her recent life and deciding to trust her mother despite her fear and self-consciousness. Her internal monologue shows her maturity and wisdom, while her announcement of the baby’s sex shows her confidence and reconciliation with herself as a mother.

“After another round of hugs and kisses, we spent the afternoon planning how we wanted to arrange the place and when we would actually move. My new life had started, and I was loving it.”

Nick and Noah’s new house is a symbol of peace, hope and renewal. The house engenders physical intimacy between Nick and Noah—inspiring them to hug and kiss—and makes them excited for the future—inspiring them to plan their move. This scene marks a turning point in the characters’ life together and foreshadows their happily ever after at the novel’s end.

“You’re always able to find a way to forgive others for their errors. You always want to see the positive side of all the people in your life…And if there’s one error I’ve made, it’s not doing this earlier… [...] Marry me, Noah…Share your life with me. Let’s do it. Be mine, and I’ll be yours forever.”

Nick’s heartfelt marriage proposal captures how Nick and Noah have overcome guilt, regret, and the past to build a new life together. Nick is both professing his love and owning his mistakes in this scene of dialogue. His honest tone conveys his character growth and desire to be a better man for Noah and their family in the future.

“We got into bed, the three of us. Nick was holding me from behind; Andy was close by my belly. No one was ever going to hurt our family again.”

The description of Nick, Noah, and Andrew’s physical intimacy in this scene illustrates the redemptive power of love. The family members are curled up around each other—body language that captures their emotional closeness and their devotion to protecting one another.