Our Fault

Although Our Fault focuses on the relationship between Noah and Nick, the novel also highlights their individual ongoing quests for personal growth. When the novel begins, Noah is 19, and Nick is 23. They are both adults but despite their ages, both still have some growing up to do. The hurt they’ve experienced from their recent breakup has struck both of them deeply, causing them to question themselves. Their identities have been built together, and losing one another has compromised their respective senses of self. At the novel’s start, they are both trying to understand who they are without one another, and their journeys to develop themselves on an individual level happen alongside the evolution of their relationship. 

Being without Nick challenges Noah to cultivate her independence and claim autonomy over her own life. She initially doesn’t know how to be without Nick because “he [is her] other half” (i). Nick’s absence thus fractures Noah’s sense of self. Over time, however, Noah makes a series of decisions that begin to change how she sees herself, offering her a new way to inhabit her adulthood. She applies herself to her studies in school, pursues a new job opportunity at LRB, finds “a loft off campus” (234), and even accepts her new role as a mother after discovering that she’s pregnant. These actions convey Noah’s capacity for change and show how taking control of her life, her relationships, and her future helps her claim her true self. Noah also learns how to claim her voice as, throughout the novel, she starts to stand up to Nick. She resists his controlling tendencies, defends her need for space, and maintains boundaries for her emotional well-being. In these ways, Noah not only pursues newness but creates change for herself on her terms, and her determination to take control of her personal and professional lives highlights her growth as an individual. 

For Nick, being without Noah challenges his definitions of intimacy, success, and happiness—he discovers that everything that he saw as success is wrapped up in his relationship with her. Since losing Noah, his life “ha[s] been a nightmare” (19). He has “gone to hell, all on [his] own, ha[s] been burned alive, and ha[s] emerged from the ashes a completely different person” (19). This post-breakup version of Nick is closed off, bitter, and selfish, determined to protect himself from further hurt. When he and Noah begin to see each other again, Nick must confront his anger and heartbreak in order to grow beyond it. He gradually learns that he “need[s] to let [his] guard down, allow other people in, at least sometimes, to protect [him] from the dark” (167). Noah’s graciousness, forgiveness, and love gradually transform Nick, who begins to trust in both her love and the fact that he deserves it. The promise of starting a family with her reminds him that he can be a strong, capable, and loving person. By the novel’s end, he and Noah both emerge as new, self-actualized individuals, making them better partners.