Deenie

“I try not to look at Old Lady Murray because she’s so ugly she makes me want to vomit. She has a big bump on her back and she can’t stand up straight. You can see the bump right through her clothes. Even in winter, when she wears an old black coat, you can see it.”

At the beginning of the novel, Deenie’s prejudice toward people with disabilities is made especially evident through her interactions with Old Lady Murray. Her language, with words like “vomit” and “ugly,” underscores the virulence of her initial bigotry. Deenie feels afraid and disgusted by the woman due solely to her appearance, which illustrates the societal stigma around disability in the novel’s world. It also establishes the status quo of Deenie’s attitude and mindset, setting up her journey of emotional growth.

“Most times I don’t even think about the way I look but on special occasions, like today, being good-looking really comes in handy. Not that a person has any choice about it. I’m just lucky.”

Although Deenie states that she is not obsessed with her appearance, she implicitly recognizes her privilege as a conventionally beautiful person. She considers herself “lucky” to be good-looking, which suggests that she also views people with disabilities as unlucky. This off-hand comment illustrates Deenie’s unconscious bias against disability, and her journey toward self-acceptance will necessarily challenge her perception of disability.

“Sometimes I think Helen’s lucky. She’ll be a doctor or lawyer or engineer and she’ll never have to do those things. But if I don’t make it as a model, then what?”

In the first part of the novel, Deenie and Helen’s relationship appears strained. This quote suggests that the narrow identities that Thelma has imposed on her daughters have, to some extent, pitted them against each other, highlighting The Negative Impact of Parental Ambition on Self-Identity. This leads both girls to experience self-doubt and anxiety, and Deenie begins to resent Thelma’s control over her future career.

“So probably he’ll give Ma a prescription for some vitamins and tell her to stop worrying because I’m just going through the awkward stage. Or maybe I’m going to get my period again. I had it once, last June. The booklet I sent for says when you start out it might be a long time before you get regular, like Helen. So maybe that’s why my posture’s funny. Except I never heard of bad posture as a symptom of getting your period.”

This passage exemplifies Blume’s depiction of a real-life teenage girl’s concerns, including topics like menstruation. This fits into the 1970s literary shift toward realism in adolescent fiction, which aimed to reflect teenagers’ lived experiences and explore intimate, educational topics like body autonomy and personal health. The passage also highlights Deenie’s lack of information on these topics, establishing her ignorance on topics that affect her deeply.

“I looked up scoliosis. It said: Skoh lih OH sihs, means a side-to-side curve or bend of the normally straight spine or backbone. Scoliosis may occur in any part of the spine. It may be single (curved like a C) or double (curved like an S). Scoliosis starts in childhood or the teens. It has a strong familial tendency. Treatment includes exercises, braces or surgery.”

Since the story is seen through Deenie’s young, naïve perspective, some of the information about scoliosis and medical procedures can be incomplete or biased. Although this helps depict Deenie’s confusion and emotions, the narrative also finds ways to convey accurate information about her diagnosis. In this example, Deenie is looking up the encyclopedic definition of scoliosis, which helps both herself and an unfamiliar reader understand her condition.

“I turned away from the kitchen door and ran back to my room. As soon as I got into bed I started touching myself. I have this special place and when I rub it I get a very nice feeling. I don’t know what it’s called or if anyone else has it but when I have trouble falling asleep, touching my special place helps a lot.”

Building on Blume’s realistic depiction of typical teenage experiences, this passage touches on the topic of masturbation. This topic has led to regular criticism and controversy over Blume’s novel since it was first published. Deenie is ranked #42 on the American Library Association’s Top 100 List of Most Frequently Challenged Books between 1990 and 1999.

“Somebody sat down in the seat next to me then. I glanced over because Ma’s told me a million times never to let a strange man sit next to me in the movies. If one does I’m supposed to get up and change seats and if the man should follow me I’m supposed to call the usher and report him.”

As Buddy sits beside Deenie and holds her hand during the movie, Deenie’s instinct to watch out for strangers rings like advice from the adult author who, through the young girl’s perspective, teaches readers about safety. This contributes to Blume’s characteristic realism, which balances real-life concerns and educational information geared toward young readers.

“I didn’t look away from Old Lady Murray like usual. Instead I said, ‘Hello,’ to her, which I’ve never done before. She said, ‘Hello,’ back and I could see her gold front tooth. She was wearing a black sweater with a rip in one sleeve and over that she had on a carpenter’s apron with a million pockets where she kept her change. I studied the bump on her back and wondered if she always had it or if it grew there when she got older.”

Symbolically, the character of Old Lady Murray represents Deenie’s prejudices and internalized ableism, and, consequently, their relationship mirrors Deenie’s journey toward unlearning those negative biases. In this passage, Deenie interacts with Old Lady Murray without fear or disgust for the first time. Significantly, the young girl notices details of Old Lady Murray’s appearance beyond her visible condition, and for the first time shows curiosity about the older woman. This marks Deenie’s first step toward questioning the stigma around visible differences and furthers the novel’s exploration of Disability as a Catalyst for Self-Acceptance.

“‘But she can’t,’ Ma said. ‘You don’t understand, Dr. Kliner. Deenie’s going to be a model. She can’t wear a brace for four years.’

Dr. Kliner raised his voice a little. ‘I think you don’t understand, Mrs. Fenner. And it’s important that you do.’”

This conversation between Thelma Fenner and Dr. Kliner illustrates Thelma’s tendency to prioritize her own ambitions for Deenie’s future over her daughter’s actual concerns. Dr. Kliner, however, explicitly confronts Thelma’s delusion and forces her to accept her family’s new reality. This makes Deenie feel validated, as the young girl is often upset by her mother’s self-centered emotional outbursts, and reestablishes Thelma’s role as a mother rather than a controlling casting agent.

“I couldn’t help thinking about Buddy. Can he get that special feeling too? I’d like to find out how much Buddy really knows about girls. I hardly know anything about boys. I think we should have discussions every week. They’re more important than modern dance!”

This passage further illustrates Blume’s depiction of realistic teenage experiences. Deenie’s questions about sexuality reflect typical adolescent concerns about body image, biology, and sexual health. Through Deenie’s inexperienced point of view, Blume aims to normalize those topics and promote healthy, age-appropriate sexual education for young readers, highlighted by Deenie’s comment that it is “more important than modern dance.”

“Miss Harrigan walked over to a desk and opened the middle drawer. She took something out. ‘I’m going to show you some pictures, Deenie. Then you can decide for yourself.’

She opened a booklet to some sketches of people with terrible-looking bodies, all crooked and bent over.

‘Here’s an illustration of a person with scoliosis, a side-to-side curve of the spine.’

‘Like me?’

‘Yes, except you’ll never look that way. Aren’t you glad?’

‘I’d kill myself if I did.’

‘No you wouldn’t. But we don’t have to argue about it because it’s not going to happen.’”

In this quote, Nurse Harrigan tries to assuage Deenie’s fears of the brace by using pictures of untreated scoliosis patients as cautionary tales. The nurse dehumanizes those patients by speaking of them in deeply negative terms (“Aren’t you glad [that] you’ll never look that way?”), while Deenie is horrified by their mere appearance (“terrible-looking bodies”). The ableist ideology that underlies their interaction illustrates contemporary attitudes toward disability.

“I went to my desk and took out my scissors. Then I stood in front of the mirror again and hacked off one whole side of my hair. Right up to the ear. I watched as it fell to the floor. I’m crazy, I thought. I’m like the Deenie in the movie. When she went crazy the first thing she did was chop off her hair. I threw my scissors down, kicked the mirror and hurt my foot. That got me even more sore so I picked up the scissors and started cutting away at the rest of my hair. I cut and cut and cut until there was a big pile of hair on the floor and just a few loose strands hanging from my head. If I was going to be ugly I was going to be ugly all the way…as ugly as anybody’d ever been before…maybe even uglier.”

The symbolism of Deenie cutting her hair is deeply relevant to her journey toward self-acceptance. Her inner thoughts illustrate her attempts to reclaim control over her body, and they echo Deenie’s earlier comparison with the character of Deanie in Chapter 1. In addition, the young girl is struggling with her self-image and beginning to challenge her understanding of beauty, which hints at the evolution of her mindset.

“The saleslady started asking questions right away. ‘What happened dear? Were you in an accident?’

Before I could say anything Aunt Rae told her, ‘She’s sick. She’s got scoliosis.’

‘I’m not sick,’ I told Aunt Rae.

But Aunt Rae and the saleslady looked at each other as if to say I didn’t know the truth and they did.”

Throughout the story, Deenie struggles with labels of herself that focus on her diagnosis. Although words like “sick” or “handicapped” are used by other characters, Deenie rejects those terms. This illustrates her changing relationship to body image, as well as her desire to gain more agency. In addition, distancing oneself from disability may be viewed as an emotional defense mechanism stemming from internalized ableism, which plays into the theme of Disability as a Catalyst for Self-Acceptance.

“Second period I have math and right after Miss Varnicka put our problems on the board she came over to my desk to see if she could help. ‘I think you’d be more comfortable standing at a lectern,’ she said. ‘If you’d like to give it a try I’ll ask the custodian to bring one from the auditorium.’

‘I don’t think so,’ I said. I could just picture myself standing in the corner at a lectern while everyone watched.”

Deenie’s self-consciousness at being perceived as different is made evident in this passage. The young girl implicitly feels anxious at the thought of being treated differently from her peers, despite the benefits of accommodation. This emphasizes Deenie’s fear of being stigmatized, and the isolation and discomfort she experiences as a result.

“How could she sit there and say such a thing to me! Did she honestly think I was handicapped? Is that what everybody thinks? Don’t they know I’m going to be fine in four years—but Gena Courtney and those kids are always going to be the way they are now!”

Deenie’s emotional reaction to being perceived as “handicapped” reflects her internalized ableism as well as her struggle with self-acceptance. The young girl tries to distance herself from disability because, at this point in the narrative, she relies on prejudice and lack of personal experience around people who are disabled. Deenie still fantasizes about a bright, happy future that does not include scoliosis, for instance, but fails to recognize that the two are not mutually exclusive and that she, like Gena Courtney, can lead a fulfilling life with or without a disability.

“‘I’m not just a face!’ I shouted. ‘I’m a person too. Did either one of you ever think of that?’ I ran past them and up to my room.”

Deenie’s outburst takes place after Thelma and Aunt Rae announce that Deenie will still be able to model after her scoliosis is corrected. After her mother has been consistently dismissive of Deenie’s emotions and desires, the young girl stands up for herself for the first time, demanding personhood with her reminder that she is “not just a face.” This marks a significant step in Deenie’s growth and foreshadows her later decision to pick a different career for herself.

“After the Alley Cat they played the Mexican Hat Dance and the hora and I began to wish I hadn’t come to the mixer. Watching other people have a good time isn’t any fun at all. For the first time in my life I felt like a real outsider.”

The school mixer showcases Deenie’s insecurities about her condition. She chooses not to dance because she feels self-conscious about her brace, isolating herself and seeing herself as an “outsider.” However, the novel suggests the importance of friendship as a means of support against self-doubt and insecurity, as Deenie’s friends stay with her and include her in their activities.

“I never knew Helen thought about me being pretty. I always thought it was just the opposite…that she was better than me because she was so smart. I feel funny knowing about Helen.”

This quote illustrates The Negative Impact of Parental Ambition on Self-Identity as Deenie realizes for the first time that the pressure put on her and Helen to be the “beauty” and the “brain” respectively has pitted them against each other. While Deenie felt intimidated by her sister’s accomplishments and envious of her relative freedom, Helen also experienced self-doubt when comparing herself to Deenie. This realization marks a turn in the two sisters’ relationship as they start bonding over their desire to forge their own identities.

“Helen turned around and looked at me. Then she did the craziest thing. She ran to me and hugged me and cried into my shoulder. ‘It’s not your fault, Deenie…don’t let them make you believe that…it’s really not your fault.’

I started crying too. Helen doesn’t hate me, I thought. She should, but she doesn’t. We both cried so hard our noses ran but neither one of us let go of the other to get a tissue. And right through it all Ma kept talking. ‘I wanted better for you,’ she said. ‘Better than what I had myself. That’s what I’ve always planned for my girls…is that so wrong?’”

This climactic conversation between Deenie, Thelma, and Helen concludes their cathartic exchange during which Helen confronts her mother directly about the pressure she puts on her daughters. Thelma’s statement and the rhetorical question that follows illustrate both her motivations and the first hint of doubt about what she has done. Deenie has been struggling with misplaced feelings of guilt after her diagnosis, falsely believing that her condition is a direct consequence of her behavior. Helen is the first person who recognizes those feelings and immediately comforts Deenie, showing her unconditional love for her sister.

“I got a letter from Dr. Kliner inviting me to a scoliosis clinic at his office, where all of his patients get together to talk about wearing their braces. I think I’ll ask the other girls how they sit at their desks and if they got rashes too and if they all sleep flat on their backs and rip their clothes and worry about people looking at them wherever they go. And I’m going to tell them how I answer people who ask me what’s wrong. I’ll bet I’m the only one who’s ever said, ‘I jumped off the Empire State Building!’ The most important thing I have to find out is how smart you have to be to become an orthopedist because I’ve been thinking I might really like to be one.”

Dr. Kliner’s initiative suggests that building connections is an effective way to fight the isolating impact of disability stigma. Deenie’s excitement at the prospect reveals that she has begun to embrace her identity as a scoliosis patient and has even found a positive role model in her orthopedist, which opens new possibilities for her future. This is the first time in the novel when Deenie explicitly voices her desire to become a medical professional, demonstrating a definitive break from her previous identity as only worthy because of her looks.

“This afternoon, on my way to French, I didn’t look away when I passed the Special Class. I saw Gena Courtney working at the blackboard. I wonder if she thinks of herself as a handicapped person or just a regular girl, like me.”

This passage contrasts with Deenie’s original thoughts in Chapter 17, in which she rejects any similarities between her and Gena Courtney’s experience. Here, Deenie recognizes Courtney as a person, rather than a stigmatized stereotype, and wonders about her life. The last sentence highlights Deenie’s growing awareness that people with disabilities are “regular [people]” like her, and shows that she is finally dismantling her ableist biases.

“Daddy slammed the book he was reading and shouted at Ma. ‘We’ve been through this before, Thelma.’ Then he turned to me and I thought he was going to yell but when he spoke his voice was back to normal. ‘The day I found out about your brace I promised myself I’d be firm,’ he said. ‘That’s why I made you go to school when you wanted to stay home. And now I’m telling you…no matter how much it hurts…you wear the brace or you don’t go.’

‘But, Daddy…’

‘I know…I know,’ he said. ‘It’s hard for me too, Deenie.’”

Although Frank Fenner is a rather passive character throughout the book, he is framed as a more reasonable, down-to-earth parent than Thelma. When Deenie decides not to wear her brace for Janet’s party, Frank insists that she does, pushing back against both Thelma and Deenie. Although the situation seems unfair to the young girl, Frank does so to normalize Deenie wearing her brace in her daily life. He also admits that causing Deenie emotional distress is difficult for him, despite doing so for her own good, and his honesty foreshadows Deenie’s decision to keep her brace on at the party.

“I thought about going straight up to Janet’s room to change before anybody saw me. Then I thought about my father and how he trusts me. I’ve never really lied to him and I don’t think he’s ever lied to me. I put my shopping bag down in the corner of the living room and went downstairs. Maybe I’d change later.”

Building on the previous quote, this passage depicts Deenie’s dilemma between taking her brace off and making her father proud. She eventually decides to wear the brace for the entire party while socializing with her friends and making out with Buddy. This reveals Deenie’s emotional growth and concludes her journey toward self-acceptance.