Deep End

Scarlett wakes up next to a sleeping Lukas. She sneaks out and walks home across the deserted campus. She texts Lukas when she gets in to let him know she went home.

Scarlett notices bruises on her body over the following days. She likes how they look, remembering the encounter she shared with Lukas. On Monday, she meets with Sam, and they talk about her upcoming dual meet. The session goes well until Sam pushes Scarlett to discuss her fears again.

Scarlett feels more confident in her classes over the following days but gets anxious when she doesn’t hear from Lukas. She considers texting him but worries that he’s still “pining after Pen” and that their relationship will never be serious (185). She tries dismissing her anxieties by focusing on improving her dives.

Scarlett prepares for her dual meet by taking a solo soak in the Epsom salt tub. She gets overwhelmed when Lukas’s teammates appear and start badgering her with teasing questions. Lukas appears, lifts her out of the tub, and takes her outside. Scarlett thanks him but insists she doesn’t need his intervention. The mood changes when Lukas’s brother Jan appears. Lukas explains Jan is in town for a visit and they’re going hiking. Jan insists that Scarlett join them. She hesitantly agrees, worried Lukas doesn’t want her there.

Scarlett enjoys the hike with Lukas and Jan, noticing changes in Lukas around his brother. Over food afterward, Jan jokes about Lukas’s longtime habit of denying himself pleasure to feel in control. Scarlett has a silent revelation about why Lukas has ignored her since they had sex.

Jan and Scarlett exchange contact information before she and Lukas drop him at his hotel. Lukas drives Scarlett home. Outside her house, she confronts him about ignoring her over the past week. She insists she doesn’t want to be with him if he resents himself for wanting to be with her. He doesn’t respond before they part ways.

Before the dual meet, Scarlett and Pen talk about their nerves. Pen reassures her but gets distracted when she realizes Theo is there. Meanwhile, Scarlett ignores Lukas’s texts—he keeps apologizing and asking to talk.

Scarlett does well in the meet until she performs a pike instead of an inward dive.

Scarlett goes to an afterparty and ends up cornered by another swimmer. She has several drinks, trying to decide if she should humor the swimmer or not. Lukas appears, interrupting the uncomfortable exchange. The swimmer apologizes for overstepping, insisting he thought Lukas was with Pen. Lukas lies and says Scarlett is his sister. After the swimmer leaves, Lukas apologizes for failing to trust and communicate with Scarlett. He reiterates his desire for a sexual relationship.

Scarlett and Lukas go to Lukas’s house. He shows her his test results, and they have sex. Scarlett gives herself over to Lukas, reveling in the experience. She and Lukas both orgasm several times and fall asleep side by side.

Scarlett wakes up and studies Lukas while he sleeps. She still can’t understand how Pen could let him go. Lukas wakes up and starts getting dressed, but Scarlett wants to have sex again.

After Scarlett and Lukas have sex, they go out for food. Over breakfast, they talk about Swedish culture. Scarlett admits she’s been researching his traditions. They also talk about Jan and hiking. Lukas suggests they go for another hike now. They drive to Scarlett’s to shower first, but Pen calls Lukas on the way. Her car broke down, and she needs a ride. Scarlett chastises herself for feeling disappointed.

Scarlett feels relieved when Sam cancels their next session. She knows she’s not making progress without her but is glad to have one less thing to fail at. She’s still struggling in classes and diving. Coach Sima gets upset with her during practice because she still hasn’t done an inward dive and she and Pen aren’t improving at synchro.

Feeling “despondent and jittery” (244), Scarlett spends her evenings watching old swimming videos of Lukas online. She’s surprised when she sees his family in some of the footage, including his mom. He hasn’t opened up about his parents but Scarlett knows not to push him. She researches Swedish words Lukas has been teaching her, including mysig, which means a feeling of comfortability with another person.

Before heading to the aquatic center on homecoming weekend, Scarlett gets an email with her MCAT results. Nervous, she can’t open it. She runs into Mr. Kumar, her high school diving coach, and his wife Clara Katz, a Stanford alum, at the aquatic center. Suddenly nervous about diving in front of them, she tells Coach Sima she’s feeling sick and needs to go home.

Lukas shows up at Scarlett’s house shortly after she flees the aquatic center. He demands to know what’s going on. She dismisses his questions and suggests they have sex. Lukas urges Scarlett to talk about her feelings instead. She bursts out crying, apologizing for being a mess. With Lukas’s encouragement, she opens up about what happened two years prior. Shortly before her championships, her dad—against whom she had a restraining order—contacted her via email. Then, on the day of the championships, Josh called to break up with her because he’d met someone new. She had to dive right afterward and got the twisties while doing the inward dive—resulting in her severe injuries.

Lukas reminds Scarlett she has every right to feel anxious and afraid because diving is important to her, and she had a bad experience. He opens up about his own trauma—his mom died when he was 14. She’d been sick for some time, but he was out of the country when she passed. Afterward, he became obsessed with swimming because he wanted to prove that it was important enough to distract him from his mom’s health. However, he wasn’t doing well and his performance lapsed. He met Pen around this time. Pen realized Lukas needed a break and helped him communicate with his coaches and family. He moved to the States to get some space and eventually returned to the pool. He assures Scarlett that she doesn’t have to be perfect at diving, but she should let herself acknowledge how her dad and Josh hurt her when she was under pressure. Scarlett continues crying and Lukas holds her.