Dept. of Speculation

The narrator considers her identity as a wife. Sometimes she’s distracted while grocery shopping. Sometimes she dreams that she and her husband are breaking up. Other times, the narrator is distracted while with her daughter. One day, she runs into an acquaintance who asks her about her second book. The narrator admits she hasn’t written it. In the days following, she again recalls her plan to become an “art monster.”

The narrator gets the idea to stop ghostwriting the astronaut’s book and start writing Americanized fortune cookies instead. She shares some fortune samples with the philosopher. He approves but admits that he’s too broke to fund her plan.

Then one day, the narrator’s apartment gets infested with lice. Her husband picks her daughter’s hair. They spend all their time trying to exterminate the apartment, terrified that someone will discover the infestation. In the meantime, the narrator continues working with the astronaut. She’s edgy and sleepless.

The narrator investigates the lecture series her husband has been listening to. Because it’s called “The Long Now,” the narrator assumes it’s about everyday life but discovers it’s about climate change. One day, she surprises her husband with a new piano, but the bugs soon infest it too. Shortly thereafter, her daughter finds her wedding cake topper in her drawer and takes the groom for herself.

The narrator reflects on isolation and survival, referencing Albert Einstein and Vladimir Komarov. She continues working with the astronaut and begins to wonder about surviving in outer space. Meanwhile, she and her husband are still dealing with the bugs. They wash everything constantly and rarely leave the apartment. In December, they receive Christmas cards from their families. The husband doesn’t want the narrator to send one, fearing she’ll mention the bugs. However, they do spend a few days with the narrator’s parents.

The narrator continues teaching. Sometimes she worries she’s too old and ornery to stay with the job. She tries teaching her students about point of view, articles, time and space, and creation myths, all while recalling her art monster dreams. She keeps in touch with the philosopher, who’s giving lectures around the country. They exchange ideas and stories, but he seems successful and far away now.

The narrator and her husband celebrate their daughter’s fifth birthday. Around this time, the daughter starts to talk about herself and the world differently. Meanwhile, the husband remarks on how the narrator is changing and teases her about her odd habits. Sometimes the narrator just wants to disappear with her family and live somewhere remote on a small budget. She shares some of her ideas with a friend over lunch one day, but the friend is in a different place.

The narrator begins searching for new desolate properties online. She tells her husband about her plan to start a commune. He’s skeptical. Instead, they rent a new apartment and move. The narrator tries to answer her daughter’s questions about the move. She’s growing up fast, but the narrator still sometimes feels that she’s carrying her around and trying to sing her to sleep.

The narrator and her husband take their daughter to the hospital after she jumps off a swing and breaks her wrists. The last time they brought her, she’d shoved a plastic bead up her nose. She’s more upset this time; the narrator is worried but there’s nothing she can do. While waiting, she remembers a little boy telling her about being a Christian Scientist—they don’t believe the body is real and don’t tend to it when sick or injured. Finally, the daughter gets casts and is given morphine. Over the following weeks, the narrator struggles to care for her.

The narrator and her husband celebrate their seventh anniversary. Sitting together and listening to a sad song, the narrator reflects on the evolution of their love. She notices how they’ve changed, recalling how he once wore glasses that she hated, and she once had bangs that he hated. She recounts these anecdotes to her sister on the phone one day. Her sister insists the narrator and her husband are too careful around each other. The narrator misses her sister, who moved with her family from Pennsylvania to England at her English husband’s behest.

The narrator continues working with the astronaut. Suddenly obsessed with the Golden Record, he insists that the narrator incorporate the record’s history into the book. She researches the historical article and discovers a love story behind it. Carl Sagan, his wife Linda, and his colleague Ann Druyan collaborated on the record. During the process, Carl and Ann realized they were in love and ended their respective relationships with Linda and Timothy Ferris to be together. Carl and Ann included soundscapes of their love on the record.

The narrator continues teaching and caring for her daughter. One day, her daughter makes her promise to never leave her. Not long later, however, the daughter tells the narrator to stop putting notes in her lunch. Meanwhile, the narrator chats with the other mothers on the playground about their children and husbands. She silently compares their experiences to her own, often wondering how she got so lucky with her family.