Disgrace

David returns to his home to find that he has been robbed. Later, he collects his mail from his office on campus, and he discovers that his office is now occupied by a much younger professor, Dr. Otto, who teaches applied language studies. David has been replaced. This unexpected freedom unsettles David, and he remembers that the euthanized dogs will now be thrown into the incinerator by uncaring people rather than him. He wonders whether he will ever be forgiven for this betrayal. He speaks to Lucy on the telephone, and she is clear that she does not want him to return. At the supermarket, he has an awkward but polite interaction with Elaine Winter, his former department chair.

David abandons his original idea for his Byron opera. Rather than writing about Teresa, one of Bryon’s lovers, in her youth, he imagines the same woman in middle age. Her beauty has faded and the lover of her youth, Byron, is gone. The “dumpy little widow” considers the affair with Byron to be the most significant moment in her life (181); however, when speaking to his friends, Bryon mocked Teresa as dull. David realizes that his future is predicated on learning how to love this imagined middle-aged woman. He writes a scene in which she calls out to the dead Byron. He writes music for the scene by playing on an old banjo that belonged to Lucy as a child. As he writes, the tone of the opera becomes more comedic. David realizes that he is writing himself into the opera, even though he does not relate to his characters. Instead, he relates to the odd banjo music. Channeling his character’s sexual desire, he comes to the realization that his past relationships were based solely on his body’s urge for a kind of release that would make him “clear-headed and dry” (185). Unexpectedly, he begins to write a role for Byron’s daughter, Allegra, who was “unlovely, unloved, neglected by her famous father” (186). Her father does not answer her calls.

David and Rosalind go out for coffee. She criticizes her ex-husband for making such a bad impression at his hearing, though David claims that he was defending the his freedom of speech by choosing to remain silent. He insists that he has not ruined his life. Rosalind describes the many ways in which he has disgraced himself. She predicts that David will eventually become “one of those sad old men who poke around in rubbish bins” (189).

David still thinks of Melanie fondly. He regrets the way in which the hearing seemed designed to punish “his way of life” (190). He is an older man who had sex with a younger woman, he tells himself, so he offended people’s fears for the future of humanity by threatening potential reproduction. David attends the theater, where Melanie is performing in a play. He feels proud and possessive as he watches her. During the play, he is struck by the memory of every woman with whom he has ever had sex. He feels that his life is richer for knowing these women and he feels overwhelmingly thankful.

David’s thoughts are interrupted by the appearance of Melanie’s boyfriend, who fires spitballs at David until David joins him outside. The boyfriend tells David to leave Melanie alone and find another life with his “own kind” (194). He claims Melanie would spit on David if she ever saw him. This disturbs David and he leaves. On his way home, he picks up a sex worker. The woman is intoxicated, but they still have sex. Afterward, David realizes that she is even younger than Melanie. Nevertheless, the sex calms his mind. David is struck by a realization of his own mediocrity. He fears that this will be the final “verdict” on his life.

David speaks to Lucy over the telephone. Though she does not say anything, he suspects that something has changed and makes up a reason to visit her. When he arrives, he sees Petrus’s new house. This new building makes everything feel strange. Lucy tells her father that she believes she is pregnant and she wants to have the child. David promises to support his daughter. When he takes a walk, however, he is overwhelmed by the feeling that everything is suddenly “utterly changed” (199). Later, Lucy speaks to her father about the boy who attacked her. The boy’s name is Pollux, she says, and he is Petrus’s brother-in-law. Pollux lives with Petrus. David decries the situation as sinister and ridiculous. He wants Lucy to leave the house, which causes an argument.

The following day, David confronts Petrus. Petrus lied about being related to Pollux, David says. Petrus becomes angry. He claims that he was protecting his family, just as David is doing. As bad as the attack was, Petrus says, the matter is now finished. He says that unmarried women are in danger, so he offers to take Lucy as another wife as Pollux is too young to be married. Petrus says this will bring an end to “all this badness” (202). David returns to Lucy, telling her about Petrus’s offer. He says that Petrus is trying to blackmail Lucy. She says that Petrus often tries to suggest that she is in danger, and she believes that he wants her property. She sends her response via David: Lucy agrees to marry Petrus; she says she will give him the land, but her house will remain her own. In addition, Petrus must accept her unborn baby as family. Lucy agrees that the situation is humiliating. She feels she must accept the offer, however, as she is starting with “no cards, no weapons, no property, no rights, no dignity [...] like a dog” (205).

David takes Katy, the abandoned bulldog, for a walk. When he returns, he sees that Pollux is watching Lucy through a window. David hits Pollux and insults him. Katy attacks, as well. Lucy overhears the fight and comes out to stop it. As she leads Pollux away to treat his wound, her robe falls open. Pollux and David both stare at Lucy’s exposed breast. David is enraged but Pollux flees, calling out a threat that he will kill everyone. Though David curses Pollux, Lucy insists that he is only a “disturbed child” (208). Before David returned, she claims, everything was at peace. She is willing to sacrifice anything for peace. David agrees to leave.

David is ashamed of what he did, but he cannot control the immense rage he feels when he sees Pollux. He thinks about Teresa, the middle-aged woman from his opera; this character is “the last one left who can save him” (209). David visits the clinic to see Bev. She assures him that Lucy will be fine with Petrus. She suggests that David stop attempting to control his daughter’s life. David plans to rent a room nearby so he can help Bev at the clinic.

In the following days, he purchases a truck and plans to resume his old job of taking the dead dogs to the incinerator. He rents a room and spends an increasing amount of time at the veterinary clinic. He sets up his own space behind the clinic that is like his real home, and he waits for Lucy’s child to be born. One day, while working on his opera, he looks up to see three young boys staring at him. He imagines how strange he must seem to them, “a mad old man who sits among the dogs singing to himself” (212).

David sits in his workspace behind the clinic and continues to write his opera, imagining a scene in which Teresa begs Lord Byron to appear before her. David is now obsessed with the opera, which is now focused on Teresa. Byron barely features in it. David thinks of his opera as something “a sleepwalker might write” (214). He is not enthused about the legacy that he will leave. Among the dogs that are about to be euthanized in the clinic, David has grown fond of one in particular. He has convinced himself that this particular dog would “die for him” (215). He wonders whether he should start to write the dog into the opera. The dog can join Teresa’s lament.

Each Saturday, David goes to the farmers’ market with Lucy. He helps her to run her stall. On one occasion, they speak about her pregnancy. Lucy is determined that she will be a good mother to her unborn child. She also wants to be a good person, she explains, and she suggests that David could try to be a good person, too. David disagrees. He believes that he is too old to change. To himself, he thinks that this might be a good resolution to make “in dark times” (216).

David rarely goes to Lucy’s house. One day, however, he approaches the house and sees his daughter working among the flowers. He studies Lucy, thinking about how much she seems to have become a “peasant.” He thinks of his life and his legacy, imagining his descendants stretched out before him in a line into the future. Ultimately, he will be erased. David thinks about himself as a grandfather. For a moment, he feels a sense of stillness and peace. He wishes that it could last forever, as though it were a painting. When Lucy spots him, she asks him into her house for tea. David notes that this is “a new start” in their relationship (218), with him being treated as though he were a visitor.

When Sunday comes, David is euthanizing animals. In the final moments of each dog’s life, David gives his love to the animal. On this day, the last animal he euthanizes is the dog with which David has formed a bond. Though he thought about adopting the dog, David knows that the dog must die. He fetches the dog, which greets him happily. David carries the dog to its death, telling Bev that he is “giving him up” (220).