Disgrace

David and Lucy talk while taking a morning walk. David claims he does not know why Melanie left him, citing poetry to excuse his actions. He tells Lucy that each of his sexual partners has taught him something about himself, thus making him “a better person” (70). David asks Lucy if she is happy with her life in the country. Quietly, she says that it will suffice. The following day, David goes with Lucy to the Saturday farmers’ market, where she runs a stall. She knows many of her customers well. One of these customers, Bev Shaw, a small, active woman, works for a veterinary clinic. The clinic and shelter offers charitable help to those who cannot afford it, operating out of a former Animal Welfare League in the nearby municipality of Grahamstown.

On their way home, David and Lucy stop at the house where Bev lives with Bill, her husband. Bill warmly greets David, who is appalled by Bill’s messy appearance. David also dislikes the smell of animals in the house. He feels particularly antisocial, and later, he tells Lucy that he loathes such “animal-welfare people” (73) in the same way that he loathes particularly religious people. He says they make him want to “do some raping and pillaging” or “kick a cat” (73). Lucy takes David’s comment personally, believing that he is criticizing her lifestyle. She knows that he wishes that she would pursue a more intellectual life. She defends her affinity for animals, which is, in her opinion, “the only life there is” (74). Like Bev, Lucy dedicates her life to caring for animals. David reiterates his belief that humans are different (and, implicitly, more important) than animals. He says that people should not be kind to animals purely out of guilt.

Later that afternoon, David sits on the sofa while, beside him, Petrus watches a soccer match on television. The commentary is in the Indigenous languages, Sotho and Xhosa, rather than in Afrikaans or English. David finds Lucy in her room, reading a novel by Charles Dickens. He wonders how Lucy sees him, then his mind moves on to her sexual preferences and former partners. He thinks about whether he and Lucy will ever be able to talk about such matters. Lucy tells David that he should help Petrus. She explains that Petrus bought land from her using a Land Affairs grant. The “historical piquancy” amuses David. Petrus plans to build a house on this land in the future. David could also help Bev, Lucy suggests, who always needs help at the clinic. David is not interested in making “reparation for past misdeeds” (77). He agrees to help but insists that he has no interest in becoming a better man.

David wanders outside to the kennel where Katy the abandoned bulldog is asleep. He lays down beside Katy and falls asleep himself, which is where Lucy finds him later. After David wakes, he and Lucy discuss animals. He says that the Catholic Church has declared that animals cannot have souls. Lucy does not know whether she has a soul, she responds. Everyone is a soul before they are born, David tells her. Lucy mentions that part of Bev’s work at the clinic involves euthanizing abandoned animals. David is suddenly gripped by genuine sadness for Katy, and this feeling turns into remorse. He tells Lucy that he is sorry for the mistakes he has made as her father, and he promises to help Bev at the clinic.

David goes to the clinic, where he finds Bev in the middle of an appointment. He immediately helps her to restrain a dog while she lances an abscess in its mouth. Bev tells David that the animals will be able to smell whether he is calm, so he must remain calm. When she asks whether he likes animals, David says that he likes to eat animals. The next patient is a goat with an injured scrotum. The wound is severe, and Bev talks quietly to the goat, calming the animal. She will not be able to save the goat, she tells the owner, but she can give the goat a peaceful death. The owner refuses, taking the goat away with her. David comforts Bev, who is upset, by telling her that the goat was born with a knowledge of death because it was born in Africa. The clinic, he realizes, is not a place for healing. It is a “last resort,” with Bev playing the role of priestess more than veterinarian. He confesses to Bev that Lucy sent him to her because he is in a state of “disgrace.” Bev says that she may be able to find a use for him.

That night, David overhears his daughter talking on the phone. He tries to guess whom she might be calling, and he thinks about his daughter’s romantic life. He suspects that she is talking to Helen, and he wonders how two women have sex. He thinks they may perhaps “sleep together merely as children do” (86), more like sisters than lovers. David dislikes that Lucy is a lesbian, and this feeling has grown more pronounced since his own fall from grace. Lucy, to David, was a “second salvation”; through his daughter, he felt his youth reborn. That night, David struggles to sleep. He reflects on youth as he reads from a collection of Lord Byron’s letters, written when the poet was 32.

The following Wednesday, David and Lucy take a morning walk together. Lucy asks about Melanie and the charges against him. David says that his case depends “on the rights of desire” (89). Attempting to explain himself, he tells a story about a neighbor and his dog. The dog would become excited by the presence of any female dog, so the neighbor would beat the dog with “Pavlovian regularity.” Eventually, the mere smell of a female dog filled the dog with fear of the seemingly inevitable beating that would follow. The dog, David explains, was made to hate its natural instincts, and he feels it would be preferable to shoot the dog.

David and Lucy notice three people—“two men and a boy” (91)—passing by. Their presence makes David and Lucy feel uneasy. When they head home, they find that the three people are outside the house. The boy asks to use the telephone to call for medical help for his pregnant sister. They claim to be from a nearby village. The taller of the two men enters the house with Lucy, followed by the second man. They lock the door behind them. David fears that “something is wrong” (93). He kicks down the door while the boy is cornered by an angry dog. When David bursts into the house, he is immediately knocked unconscious.

David wakes up in the bathroom. Outside, the dogs are barking. The bathroom door is locked from the outside. David is seized with a sudden fear and wants to help his daughter, fearing for her safety. The shorter of the two men enters the bathroom and takes David’s keys. David watches through the window as the men take Lucy’s possessions from the house and load them into David’s car. They speak a language he cannot understand. Then, they walk to the kennels where Lucy keeps other people’s dogs. They proceed to shoot each dog. Then, the shorter man returns the bathroom. As soon as he unlocks the door, David tries to rush out, but he is knocked back. The men douse him in methylated spirits and set him on fire. David calls out for Lucy and tries to put out the fire with water as the men lock him in again. Then, he hears his car leaving. Soon, Lucy opens the bathroom door. David notices that Lucy seems to have bathed recently, and she is stoic. He takes this to mean that the men raped her. They walk together through the ruined house, and Lucy rejects David’s attempts to comfort her. She asks him not to mention what happened to anyone, which David believes is a mistake.

Ettinger is one of Lucy’s neighbors. He a surly old German man who carries a gun everywhere because, he claims, “the police are not going to save you” (100). He drives Lucy and David to the local hospital. Lucy seems filled with strength and purposefulness, while David cannot stop trembling. After waiting in the casualty room, David is seen by a doctor who inspects his burn wounds and assures him that his eye is not damaged. Bev’s husband, Bill Shaw, comes to the hospital to pick up David and Lucy and takes them to the Shaws’ house. David is surprised when Bill refers to him as a friend. Bev draws a bath for David, and Bill helps him out of the tub since David is in pain. In the middle of the night, David has a nightmare about Lucy calling out for help. He wakes in a fright and finds her. He tries to speak to her, but she dismisses him as though he were “a child or an old man” (104). David cannot go back to sleep. He watches Lucy in her bed, standing over her until he is sure that she is asleep.

The next day, David asks Bev about Lucy, but Bev will not discuss the matter with him. She does not believe that Lucy’s condition is any business of a man like David. After this, David debates with himself whether raping a lesbian is worse than raping a virgin. Later, he notices that Lucy is crying in her bed. She assures David that she has seen a doctor. She says she plans to return to her property and continue just as before. David insists that this is not a good idea; he does not believe that her home is safe. The home was never safe, Lucy says, but she is returning for her own reasons. David realizes that he has no influence or control over his “little girl.”