Dream Count

The final section of the novel disrupts the overarching narrative rules by returning to Chia’s first-person account. Chia’s narrative voice thus bookends the novel and lends the narrative a cyclical movement. This structural effect evokes the passage of time, a notion with which Chia has been particularly preoccupied throughout the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic and lockdown. While the novel is primarily set in 2020, Chia’s account transports the reader to a range of other temporal realms. Her ongoing meditations about her past life and experiences convey her desire to understand who she could have been if she’d made different choices. Time literally feels as if it is standing still in the present—(she is “trapped in [her] house with the sensation of [her] days being erased, not lived through, not experienced)—and thus retreats into her memories as a way to infuse her static life with a sense of purpose and movement (353). The formal return to her point of view in Part 5 thus lends the novel the illusion of narrative and thematic resolution, even though Chia is still going over her past life as a way to reconcile her present identity and circumstances.

Chia’s interest in memories and the past originates from her ongoing engagement in The Pursuit of Lasting Happiness. Plagued by the realization that “We think we have time but we don’t, we really don’t,” Chia reviews each of her experiences, memories, and decisions as a way to make sense of how she’s spent her time and judge whether this was time well spent (355). This notion of wasted time stems from Chia’s fear that she has had innumerable chances at happiness but passed each of them up. This is why she continues to review her former relationships. In this section she goes over her experiences with Luuk and Johan and even reflects on every passing encounter she’s had with strangers. Chia is thus reviewing the archives of her life as a way to look for happiness. Ultimately, this pastime doesn’t afford Chia a sense of contentment. As long as she is lodged in and consumed by the past, Chia can’t appreciate the chances at happiness she has in the present.

Chia’s interaction with Kadi and Binta in the novel’s closing scene acts as a representation of pure happiness, contentment, and love. When Chia first hears the news about Kadi’s case, she’s terrified that Kadi will be devastated and her state of mind will worsen as a result. What she discovers, however, is the antithesis. Both Kadi and Binta rejoice, “smiling through [their] tears” (393). Chia is a witness to their joy and chooses to remain present with them, although she owes Omelogor and Zikora an update. Her decision to stay with Kadi and Binta instead of rushing off to call her friends shows that Chia recognizes the preciousness and beauty of the moment she’s experiencing. This is indeed one of the first times in Chia’s storyline that she is wholly engaged with the present. The novel therefore suggests that while confronting one’s past is important, it is more important to reconcile with and let go of the past so that one might discover happiness, goodness, and connection in the present. Chia has experienced many disappointments and losses, but by the novel’s end, she learns how to be content in the present and to appreciate the people she does have.