Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

The Gottmans and the Abrams present growth and change as inevitable forces in relationships, arguing that successful couples learn to accommodate and support each other’s personal transformation rather than resist it. The chapter also discusses spirituality, positioning it broadly: Spirituality encompasses both religious practices and secular approaches to finding meaning and purpose. The authors argue that couples who view their relationship as sacred—regardless of their specific beliefs—experience greater satisfaction and longevity. This perspective builds on decades of research showing that shared meaning, rather than shared religious doctrine, serves as the foundation for lasting partnerships. The authors emphasize creating rituals of connection that honor what each couple considers meaningful.

Central to the authors’ framework is the concept that relationships thrive when they become vehicles for mutual transformation and contribution to the world beyond the couple. Rather than viewing change as a threat to stability, the Gottmans and Abrams present it as an opportunity for both individual and relational growth. This approach reflects contemporary relationship psychology’s shift away from traditional models that emphasized compatibility and toward dynamic models that celebrate evolution and adaptation.

The authors recommend conducting Date 7 in a location that feels beautiful and sacred to both partners. The authors suggest beginning the date with a few minutes of silence, meditation, or prayer to establish a sacred atmosphere.