Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Gather initial thoughts and broad opinions about the book.

1. How does the Gottmans and the Abrams’ research-based approach to relationships compare to other relationship advice you’ve encountered, including in other self-help books (for example, Yung Pueblo’s How to Love Better)? Do you find their emphasis on empirical data more or less convincing than intuition-based guidance?

2. The authors claim their Love Lab studies can predict divorce with 94% accuracy. Does this statistical framing of love feel helpful or reductive to you? Why?

3. What surprised you most about the book’s challenges to conventional relationship wisdom, such as the idea that most conflicts are perpetual or that couples should prioritize their marriage over their children?

Encourage readers to reflect on how the book relates to their own life or work and how its lessons could help them.

1. Which of the eight conversation topics—trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, growth, or dreams—feels most challenging or anxiety-provoking for you to discuss in relationships? What do you think underlies that discomfort?

2. The authors argue that successful relationships require choosing curiosity over being correct during disagreements. Reflecting on your own relationship patterns, do you tend toward understanding or winning during conflicts? What drives this tendency?