43 pages • 1-hour read
Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
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Discussion Questions
General Impressions
Gather initial thoughts and broad opinions about the book.
1. How does the Gottmans and the Abrams’ research-based approach to relationships compare to other relationship advice you’ve encountered, including in other self-help books (for example, Yung Pueblo’s How to Love Better)? Do you find their emphasis on empirical data more or less convincing than intuition-based guidance?
2. The authors claim their Love Lab studies can predict divorce with 94% accuracy. Does this statistical framing of love feel helpful or reductive to you? Why?
3. What surprised you most about the book’s challenges to conventional relationship wisdom, such as the idea that most conflicts are perpetual or that couples should prioritize their marriage over their children?
Personal Reflection and Connection
Encourage readers to reflect on how the book relates to their own life or work and how its lessons could help them.
1. Which of the eight conversation topics—trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, growth, or dreams—feels most challenging or anxiety-provoking for you to discuss in relationships? What do you think underlies that discomfort?
2. The authors argue that successful relationships require choosing curiosity over being correct during disagreements. Reflecting on your own relationship patterns, do you tend toward understanding or winning during conflicts? What drives this tendency?
3. Consider the book’s emphasis on small, consistent actions to build trust. What daily behaviors in your life demonstrate reliability or unreliability to those you care about?
4. Which of your own dreams or aspirations have you avoided sharing with partners due to concerns about practicality or fear of judgment? What does this concealment cost you emotionally?
5. How do your family’s patterns around money, conflict, or emotional expression continue to influence your adult relationships, even when you consciously want to behave differently?
Real-World Relevance
Prompt readers to explore how the book fits into today’s professional or social landscape.
1. How relevant are the book’s recommendations for relationships that don’t fit traditional patterns—such as long-distance couples, polyamorous relationships, or partnerships where one person is neurodivergent? What adaptations might be necessary?
2. The book’s examples often feature couples with significant economic flexibility and social support systems. How applicable is this advice for people facing financial stress, social isolation, or other structural constraints?
Practical Applications
Encourage readers to share and consider how the book’s lessons could be applied to their personal/professional lives.
1. The authors recommend implementing specific rituals like six-second kisses and weekly date nights. Which of their suggested practices feel most realistic for you to adopt, and what obstacles might you need to address?
2. How could you apply the book’s “taking turns” approach to supporting dreams in your current relationships, whether romantic, familial, or friendships? What would you want support in pursuing, and what might you be willing to sacrifice temporarily for others?
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