Etched In Sand: A True Story of Five Siblings Who Survived an Unspeakable Childhood on Long Island

Cookie Calcaterra is Regina’s mother and the central source of trauma in her and her siblings’ lives. Cookie is erratic, self-centered, and extremely abusive both emotionally and physically. She neglects the children by leaving them alone for weeks or months on end with no explanation, often because she chooses to move in with one man or another. Cookie shapes nearly every challenge the children face. Her foolish choices, substance abuse, and severe neglect place Regina and her siblings in constant danger, forcing them to fend for themselves, hide from her or the authorities, and develop strategies for survival. Cookie’s unpredictability instills fear and teaches the children early lessons in resourcefulness, self-reliance, and resilience. Later in life, Regina and her sisters reason that Cookie’s own experiences of abuse and trauma led to her issues in adulthood.

Cookie’s significance in the memoir lies in her role as both antagonist and the catalyst for change and growth. Her actions directly influence Regina’s resourcefulness and determination, pushing her to do well in school so she can one day gain independence. This act of sublimation is a demonstration of Finding Purpose in Suffering. The children’s experiences under Cookie expose the Failures of the Child Welfare System, as authorities struggle to protect the children and constantly return them to Cookie’s care. Cookie’s manipulations and cruelty create long-lasting trauma, yet they also compel the siblings to build Resilience Through Family Bonds. Cookie is a complex figure who demonstrates how neglect and dysfunction can ripple across generations and create a cycle of abuse. Even in her final years, she refuses to admit wrongdoing and dies of cancer before ever providing her children with closure or remorse.

Camille is Regina’s older and closest sister, a steady presence throughout their childhood. She takes a pragmatic approach to their horrible living situations, and models emotional strength for Regina. Camille and Regina work together to take care of themselves and their younger siblings, as well as protect them from Cookie. Camille serves as Regina’s closest ally in life, and assists with plans to protect the family and maintain sibling unity despite neglect and abuse. Camille’s significance also lies in her ability to balance resilience with realism. While Regina often drives the family, Camille provides emotional support and practical guidance. She is a clear representation of Resilience Through Family Bonds, particularly in the way that she eventually finds happiness through her own loving family in adulthood. She effectively demonstrates that Ending the Cycle of Abuse is possible.

Rosie is the youngest sibling and the most vulnerable during the years of the siblings’ childhood. She experiences neglect and abuse firsthand, while also witnessing the abuse against her siblings. Because Rosie is so young, she often requires protection and care from Regina and Camille. Her reliance on her older sisters demonstrates the risks and emotional strain placed on children in unstable homes. Even when Regina and Camille find stability elsewhere, Regina’s mind is constantly on her younger sister. Despite this, it takes Rosie decades to finally be ready to connect with her siblings again after believing that they abandoned her. Rosie’s importance also extends beyond her vulnerability; she motivates Regina and Camille to act decisively in ensuring safety and stability for the siblings, and her presence inspires Regina to work hard and gain independence not just for her own sake but for Rosie’s. Rosie’s experiences emphasize the consequences of parental neglect and the Failures of the Child Welfare System, as Regina’s social workers consistently claimed they couldn’t help Rosie in another state.

Cherie is an older sibling whose guidance and experience provide additional support to Regina and the other children. Her presence is less central in the memoir because she is the eldest sibling and moves out at 17 after marrying the father of her future child. Even still, Cherie supports the family from afar and plays a key role in strengthening sibling unity and helping navigate moments of crisis. Cherie’s supportive presence emphasizes the importance of extended family and Resilience Through Family Bonds. Cherie sets an example for her younger siblings that achieving some level of happiness and independence is possible, and that Ending the Cycle of Abuse can become a reality. Her later interventions for Rosie demonstrate the siblings’ enduring commitment to one another and the way that experiences of adversity can lead people to go to significant lengths for their loved ones.

Norman is Regina’s younger brother. Growing up, he was often reliant on the care and protection of his sisters. Cookie favored him over his sisters, at times even giving him his own room while the sisters had to share. His experiences are tied most closely to those of Rosie, as the two were most often together and seen as the babies of the family. Though he displays moments of independence and resilience that reflect the lessons learned from his older siblings, Norman remained a primarily naive and vulnerable person throughout his childhood. Norman’s significance in the memoir is in illustrating how experiences of childhood abuse and neglect often differs between siblings or genders. While the girls are often direct targets of Cookie’s abuse, Norman always manages to avoid it. Despite this favoritism, Regina worries for him often, and his vulnerability prompts the older children to act as surrogate parents whether Cookie is around or not. In adulthood, Norman maintains ties with his siblings, showing the lasting impact of the bonds formed through shared trauma.

Addie is a stand-out foster mother who provides Regina and Camille with stability, care, and guidance during their older years in the foster system. Her kindness contrasts sharply with Cookie’s neglect and the abuse they experienced in other foster homes, allowing Regina to experience love and safety for the first time since they were very young. She represents the opposite side of the Failures of the Child Welfare System, an example of the good that caring foster parents can do. Addie validates Regina’s intelligence and nurtures her academic potential by giving her a stable home. As a result, Addie plays a pivotal role in helping Regina navigate adolescence and early independence, proving that supportive adults can profoundly alter the trajectory of a child’s life. Though Addie struggles to show emotion, she manages to express her love for Regina when Regina finally moves out and on into adulthood. She shows that it is possible for foster parents, despite being temporary, to feel deeply for children in their care.