Etched In Sand: A True Story of Five Siblings Who Survived an Unspeakable Childhood on Long Island

While Etched in Sand is filled with trauma, violence, and instability, the memoir’s core is the resilience the siblings build through their unbreakable bond. Their connection is an essential survival strategy. In a world where adults consistently fail them, the siblings become each other’s only reliable source of safety, protection, and love. Throughout the memoir, Regina describes how the siblings learn to anticipate Cookie’s moods together, strategize how to survive outbursts, and share what little food they can gather. When Cookie leaves them for days or weeks, they jointly ration supplies and watch over one another. Through these acts of solidarity, they parent each other even as their mother and other adults in their lives fail them. The bonds of mutual support that the siblings forge last throughout their lives, so that even when some of them are parents themselves, they continue to support and look out for each other. 

The beach becomes the most powerful symbol of this bond. As children, they visit it during rare moments of freedom, writing their names in the sand and encircling them with hearts. This seemingly small act symbolizes their collective attempt to claim a sense of belonging and stability. No matter how many times the surf washes their names away, they write them again, insisting that their lives and identities matter even when the system tries to erase them. On the beach, they are not children of an abusive mother or wards of the state; they are simply siblings who love one another. When Regina and Camille return as adults after Cookie’s death, the beach becomes a place of reflection and healing. Regina notes, “The lives Cookie gave us were only etched in sand; able to be erased and written all over again…better, with meaning” (267). The beach is a metaphor for resilience, renewal, and the sibling’s efforts to reclaim and rewrite their own stories.

Regina’s protectiveness toward her siblings, especially Rosie, becomes one of her strongest motivators. Her attempts to save Rosie from Idaho, from Cookie’s violence, and from the apathy of social services stem not from a sense of obligation, but from a deep-rooted belief that they are all responsible for one another’s survival. This sense of duty carries into adulthood: Regina’s career in advocacy and her work with foster youth emerge from the values her siblings cultivated together.

As adults, the Calcaterra siblings remain united. Even after years of separation, trauma, and fractured relationships, they come together for milestones such as Cherie’s 50th birthday and Camille’s son’s wedding. Regina finds her own happiness through her romantic relationship, her meaningful work, and her family. The memoir ends with a message of hope: No matter how adverse a childhood may be, a person can still overcome. Their sibling bond is proof that resilience grows from connection, and that family can be rebuilt and strengthened amid shared trauma.

One of the most important themes of Calcaterra’s memoir is her insistence on finding purpose in her suffering. Rather than allowing her traumatic childhood to destroy her sense of self, Regina gradually turns her pain into motivation, direction, and ultimately into a meaningful life devoted to advocacy. Throughout the memoir, she expresses a belief that her hardships must amount to something greater. She writes, “The older I get, the more I’m convinced: I’ve suffered for a reason. It’s a reason I don’t know yet, but for all of my twenty years it’s been circling me—a forecast of something mighty” (223). This belief gives her strength to endure traumatic experiences and motivates her to make the most of her opportunities.

Education becomes the primary vehicle through which Regina transforms hardship into purpose. Even while dealing with hunger, homelessness, and constant unpredictability, she excels in school. Her teachers are among the first adults who recognize her talent and potential. College becomes the turning point; she studies political science, takes coursework in international politics, and begins to understand how systems of power shape people’s lives. In connecting policy to her own experiences, she realizes that her personal hardships stem in part from systemic failures that demand systemic solutions: “Every time the phrase self-sufficiency is bantered about in lectures or legislative sessions, my commitment grows stronger with the realization that my fight for others to maintain their dignity is exactly the same fight I’ve known all my life” (235). This awareness cements her desire to change the systems that failed her. As she builds her adult life, she derives a sense of purpose from the desire to help young people in situations like hers. Her work with the Eastern Paralyzed Veterans Association, her position as director of Intergovernmental Affairs, and her involvement in immigration and youth policy show how deeply her childhood pain drives her to advocate for others. In each role, she sublimates her experiences into empathy, leadership, and political reform.

The metaphor of the names in the sand symbolizes this theme. As children, the siblings wrote their names to claim their existence in a world that often erased them. As adults, Regina reframes the image; their childhoods were “etched in sand,” not permanently carved. They can be washed away and rewritten, this time with purpose, intention, and strength. Regina finds purpose not only through her career but also through reconnecting with her siblings, building a loving partnership with Todd, and advocating for foster children who, like her, deserve a chance to rewrite their stories. Her message is that suffering can shape a life, but it does not have to define it. With courage, support, and determination, it can be transformed into a motivator for change.