Fahrenheit-182: A Memoir

The band got back together, but everything was different, and without Jerry, producing a new album was disastrous. The group argued all the way through production, and the tour happened before the album was ready. Delonge stayed to himself through the tour, and Hoppus started drinking. Conflict was constant, tensions were high, and crew members quit from the stress.

The record contract was over, and blink-182 needed a new label. They went to one meeting in which Delonge talked about his ideas for band merchandise and essentially scared the label off. At the same time, Delonge started a company called Modlife, which he hoped would turn into a fan subscription service for musicians. All of this was done in response to the changing industry and digitalization of music, as Delonge sought new ways to make money. Barker and Hoppus were reluctant to let blink-182 get involved but eventually agreed; unfortunately, Delonge’s manufacturing fell through, along with his new business venture.

Hoppus and his family moved to London, where he enjoyed regular family vacations, misty weather, and being far away from the drama surrounding the band. He includes photos of some of his escapades in England, as well as a photo of him with his son in the snow.

The next tour didn’t happen until two years later, and the band played in front of their biggest audience yet. Delonge drank too much before the show, and while the show still went well, Hoppus and Barker decided to prank Delonge on stage to teach him a lesson about reputation and decorum. Over the next several months, Delonge constantly flipped and flopped about the band. Eventually, Hoppus heard that Delonge was leaving the band and had asked Hoppus and Barker not to contact him.

Hoppus and Barker wanted to continue with the band and sought a new guitarist. They invited Mat Skiba of the Alkaline Trio, and since the two bands were already similar, it was a good fit. They played several shows and were celebrated. Hoppus realized that blink-182 was much bigger than any one member.

The music industry was changing, and going back to making albums was like a whole new experience for Hoppus. The way music was written, recorded, and produced was all different, but he was optimistic and even collaborated with John Feldmann of Goldfinger. Blink-182 made the album California, which was highly successful and led to their first Grammy nomination. Everything seemed to be going well.

Barker still talked about Delonge coming back to the band, but Hoppus no longer wanted this. They made another album called Nine, which was less successful. They still planned to continue making music and maintained their optimism, but then 2020 arrived.

Hoppus remembers going to the grocery store and finding the last package of toilet paper. He recalls the lockdowns and the way people started dying in masses. All of this amplified his fear of germs and illness, and he spent hours scrolling the internet. He was grateful to spend time with his family but laments everything his son missed because of the lockdowns. The tour was eventually canceled. When the vaccine arrived in 2021, Hoppus volunteered at a pop-up vaccinate site. He started to hope the world would return to normal again.

Hoppus was becoming more and more anxious and decided to work with a new therapist. At the same time, he discovered a lump on his shoulder. He went to the doctor, and they ran a number of tests that revealed he had stage 4 lymphoma, which had spread to various parts of his body and into his bloodstream.

Hoppus was told he would need intensive chemotherapy treatment, R-CHOP. He had several tumors throughout his body and would have to sit for hours while the chemical treatment killed off his cells. He had to call all of his loved ones and tell them, many of whom thought he was joking at first. Thankfully, his doctor was optimistic and never dramatic, but chemotherapy had harrowing effects on Hoppus’s body.

Hoppus was terrified when he started chemotherapy and started to wonder what his family would do without him. He thought of his own death often. His therapist told him to write streams of thought in a journal to help with his anxiety, and he includes some of these entries in his memoir. The first encapsulates Hoppus’s confusion and initial anxiety; he felt out of place and scared and wondered what would become of him and everyone else in chemotherapy. Skye was there through it all, and Hoppus tried to distract himself but spent most of the time just sitting in the chair. Afterward, he bought a cactus that was malformed and reminded him of his cancer. He got home and felt that the lump on his shoulder was already beginning to shrink.

The second round of chemo was known as the “Red Devil” because of its color and its extreme toxicity. Nurses had to take precautions to ensure it didn’t touch their skin. Hoppus sat in terror as the substance entered his bloodstream, and it instantly made him feel sick, tired, and weak. Chemo never got easier because it was always different, and he started to wonder if he could make it through. Skye asked him if he was planning to end his life instead, and it became the wake-up call that he needed to become more optimistic. The next two journal entries see Hoppus describing the loss of his hair, both on his head and pubic region. The experience was jarring and humanizing. Hoppus wrote about sitting in front of the firepit outside, pulling out tufts of hair and tossing them into the flames. He also wrote about his feelings of anger and hatred toward himself, and his thoughts that he isn’t brave or special even if he beats cancer.

Hoppus originally did not announce his disease to the public, but he accidentally posted a picture of himself in chemo one day. He tried to delete it, but it was too late, and swarms of messages and calls came in. He was overwhelmed and grateful, and suddenly regretted not having reached out to the world sooner. He feels that the support he received during this time was instrumental in his recovery. Hoppus also gradually began to accept the idea of dying and realized that he had already lived a full and privileged life.

Before his fourth round of chemo, Hoppus was told his body was cleared of cancer. He had to do three more preventative rounds, and the treatment had done serious damage to his body, but he was alive and going to survive. A journal entry shows Hoppus reflecting on the randomness of cancer, and his belief that nothing he did or didn’t do caused it; it just happened.

Hoppus was still in chemo, bored, and often thought of the other people in treatment who may or may not have recovered like he did. He recalls one nurse who was a fan of blink-182 and the constant strain to make something abnormal feel normal.

Following his final round of treatment, Hoppus left the hospital feeling like there should be more fanfare. He experienced brain fog for months afterwards and still does on occasion, but he feels that the experience of having cancer was ultimately good for him. It changed his perspective and added a new depth of gratitude to his life, allowing him to regain his sense of joy. While he still deals with anxiety, he lives life with a renewed sense of purpose and with the knowledge that every day is a gift.

Right before starting chemotherapy, Hoppus received a message from Delonge, who he was on distant but cordial terms with at the time. Hoppus took the opportunity to tell Delonge he had cancer, and Delonge then called to offer his full support. The two quickly regained their friendship and agreed to reform the band, “no more bullshit” (372). Delonge, Barker, and Hoppus met for breakfast and made a plan, and while all of their lives had changed, there was something enduring that had never really gone away.

When Frank Ocean canceled for Coachella, blink-182 was asked to take his place. It was the biggest show they had ever played, and more than 150,000 people were in attendance. When they perform, Hoppus feels like he is right back where he belongs: with his two best friends, playing music for the world. He even wonders for a moment if perhaps he did die, and this is what heaven is like.