Finding My Way: A Memoir

Ziauddin Yousafzai is Malala Yousafzai’s father. The author describes her father’s upbringing in the rural region of Shangla, Pakistan. Like many residents of Shangla, he grew up in a mud house with many siblings. Yousafzai writes, “My dad grew up in a house like this, without electricity or plumbing, nine people in two rooms. I tried to picture him walking this road as a teenager, going to school, out to the fields to tend the buffalo, to the mud mosque to pray with his father. At night he hovered over his books with a kerosene lamp, determined to make it to college” (296). In spite of these challenging beginnings, Ziauddin completed a master’s degree and pursued a career in education. Unlike many in his culture, Ziauddin promoted education for girls and women; he established a school for girls in the town of Mingora. After the Taliban’s attempt on his daughter’s life, Ziauddin moved to Birmingham, UK with the rest of his family and became an author and human rights activist. His book Let Her Fly reflects on sexism in Pakistani society and his experience as a father of a daughter.

In Finding My Way, Yousafzai portrays her father as an active, social person who loves helping others and being involved in the community. She also reflects on how she has always appreciated her dad’s companionship, writing, “My dad and I loved to debate each other about politics, world events, feminism, anything at all. I would try to convince him to my side, and most of the time, I succeeded. My whole life, I felt like I could tell him anything…” (162). While Yousafzai portrays her father as a kind and understanding parent, she also reveals the growing tensions between them as she began to assert her independence. She explains that her father did not always understand the pressure she was under as she juggled being a university student and an activist. For instance, Ziauddin would invite people over and insist that Yousafzai visit with them, making her feel “on display” and taking time away from her studies (46). She writes, “When I was in Birmingham, my dad treated our house like an art museum and me like the signature piece in the collection” (46). While her father prided himself on letting her “fly,” Yousafzai challenges this metaphor: “He often spoke of me as a bird, but sometimes I felt more like a kite—flying high when it served him, pulled back to earth by a string when it did not” (248). By comparing herself to a kite, Yousafzai emphasizes that her father continued to see her as his to control. 

Asser Malik is a cricket manager from Lahore, Pakistan and the husband of Malala Yousafzai.

In Finding My Way, Yousafzai portrays Asser as a kind, funny, and patient person with a reassuring presence. She recalls quickly falling for him after they met through mutual friends. She writes, “His smile wasn’t flashy or overly charming, but warm and sincere. Even under the fluorescent office lights, I thought he was gorgeous” (113).

Yousafzai reflects on how her happy relationship with Asser helped her overcome her doubts about the institution of marriage. She writes, “Asser made me happier than anyone else. When I was down, he lifted my spirits. He was patient and respectful with my parents. Ambitious but not self-serious…Most of all, I loved his kind and gentle heart” (256). Yousafzai also highlights her husband’s commitment to gender equality. Before their marriage, Asser assured her that their relationship would be a partnership of equals, something very important to Yousafzai.

Yousafzai depicts her husband as a wonderful companion who has helped her learn how to better take care of her own physical and mental health. She reflects, “These outings weren’t just aimed at having fun; Asser showed me that taking a break, eating well, moving my body, and getting enough sleep were critical to taking care of myself” (282).