From Scratch: A Memoir of Love, Sicily, and Finding Home

Born to a long line of farmers in the small, impoverished town of Aliminusa in central Sicily, Rosario “Saro” Lupo (d. 2012) is Tembi’s late husband and Zoela’s doting adoptive father. After two years of studies, Saro dropped out of the University of Florence to pursue a career as a chef. Ambition and skill landed Saro a job at Acqua al 2, a trendy restaurant in the city center popular with locals and tourists. As a young man, the black-haired, olive skinned Saro was extremely attractive. Saro was also kind, attentive, and engaged in his interactions with Tembi, who describes him as “way too available, way too nice” (18). Because of his job, Saro often smelled like food, a trait that left an indelible mark on Tembi even after he became ill with leiomyosarcoma, a rare soft-tissue cancer that appeared in his knee and metastasized into his femur. As she describes, “His skin was warm, I could still smell his signature earthy mix of salt and spice over the scents of medicine, iodine, and baby wipes” (58).  

A defining aspect of Saro’s personality was his steadfastness. Saro was persistent in his pursuit of Tembi, despite being brushed off on many occasions: “Let me take you for dinner” (18), he often said, and although she replied noncommittally each time, Tembi grew increasingly attracted to Saro, largely because of his attention to her needs. It was Saro’s talent in the kitchen, however, that ultimately won Tembi over, and she ultimately realized how much Saro loved her when he waited outside her window for hours in the rain, an act of “a man in love with me down to the bone […] it was the act of a man who was persistent, whose character was unshakable” (42).

Saro’s steadfastness sometimes turned into stubbornness, as evidenced by his fraught relationship with his parents after he married Tembi over their objections and remarried her in Florence even after Giuseppe disowned him. Indeed, if it hadn’t been for Tembi buying plane tickets to Sicily without his knowledge, Saro may never have made amends with his family before his illness claimed his life.

Throughout Tembi’s memoir, Saro constantly displays courage, generosity, and grace in the face of his illness. He went through many rounds of chemotherapy, underwent endless surgery and experimental treatments, and was hospitalized repeatedly, yet he still strove to survive. On his deathbed, Saro urged Tembi to live her life and find love again, “as if it were the most natural thing for a husband to say to a wife” (59).

Croce (Nonna) and Giuseppe Lupo are Saro’s parents. Croce worked in the home and raised their two children, Saro and Franca, while Giuseppe farmed the land. The couple lived in a modest house on Via Gramsci in Aliminusa, Sicily. Giuseppe died of cancer three years before his son. He was buried in the cemetery outside town, where Saro’s ashes were later interred.

Croce and Giuseppe initially disapproved of Saro and Tembi’s marriage. Although they objected to all diverse cultural relationships, including Saro’s Sardinian ex-girlfriend, they were especially critical of his relationship with Tembi: “They will think they have failed me as parents. I’m abandoning them, not marrying an Italian or a Sicilian” (76). Giuseppe believed that Saro was marrying down. He also feared being gossiped about and ridiculed for having a Black American daughter-in-law. Further, Giuseppe was biased against Americans, claiming that all their marriages ended in divorce. He was so opposed to the wedding that he not only refused to attend, but also disowned Saro.  

Croce and Giuseppe were a traditional Sicilian couple. As the man of the house, Giuseppe’s word was final, even when other members of the family disagreed. This patriarchal family system prevented Croce, Franca, and other relatives from attending Saro and Tembi’s wedding in Florence. Indeed, only two of Saro’s relatives attended the wedding—an aunt and uncle who drove from Switzerland without telling the rest of the family. As deferential as Croce was to her husband, however, she did not pass up the opportunity to see Saro when he traveled to Sicily with Tembi for the first time. For seven days, Giuseppe refused to see his son, which also barred Croce from seeing him. On the eighth day, though, Croce announced that she was going to Cefalù with or without Giuseppe. She resourcefully arranged to get a ride with a cousin, pointed to a plate of cold pasta, and told Giuseppe that her mind was made up. Giuseppe gave in to his wife’s wishes, much to Saro and Tembi’s delight. The family reunited at a modest restaurant, “a place [Giuseppe] could comfortably afford and far enough from their hometown that it would create no further gossip” (160).

A reserved woman with a talent for cooking, Croce ultimately grew to accept and love Tembi, and their relationship became more intimate after Saro’s death. Croce soothed Tembi by feeding her and making her feel close to Saro, all the while dealing with the dual grief of being a widow and losing her son. A devout Catholic, Croce grieved her losses by praying, saying the rosary, and attending Mass. Over time, she fully accepted Tembi and Zoela as part of her family, even signing over her house to them during their third summer in Sicily.