From the Ashes: My Story of Being Métis, Homeless, and Finding My Way

Author Jesse Thistle witnesses a fellow inmate in prison being beaten up for stealing; the inmate dies en route to the hospital. Jesse reflects on how he ended up in prison while attempting to save his leg and life.

Part 1, Chapter 1 is a verse chapter, in which the speaker describes a bag he has had ever since his family fell apart, which he keeps with him at all times. It contains everything of his old life. One day, he leaves it on his bed and jumps out the window. When the speaker’s grandmother asks why he did so, he responds that he dreams of dying but knows he cannot take the bag to heaven with him.

Jesse gathers berries with his maternal grandmother, “Kokum Nancy.” When mosquitoes swarm them, Kokum Nancy speaks to them in Michif (a combination of Cree and French), and to Jesse’s amazement, the insects fly away. The pair returns to Jesse’s grandparents’ log cabin, between two highways near Saskatchewan, built by Jesse’s grandfather, “Mushoom Jeremie Morrissette.” Families like theirs once lived all over Saskatchewan before the government attacked them and stole their land.

Jesse’s older brothers, Josh and Jerry, are playing inside, while their parents, Blanche and Sonny, have gone out for the night. As Jesse’s grandparents prepare dinner, Blanche and Sonny arrive, and everyone can hear them fighting in the driveway. Blanche was 15 and described as the “prettiest Native girl in all northern Saskatchewan” (23) when she met 20-year-old Sonny, an Algonquin-Scot man who considers himself white. When Blanche enters the cabin, her face is blue on one side. She takes her sons away, insisting they can’t stay for dinner.

Sonny and Blanche got married when they were 22 and 17, respectively. Sonny promised to become sober but only did so for three days and was often abusive. Eventually, Blanche packs her bags and moves herself and her sons away, going to night school and working in restaurants to support the family. However, Sonny returns one day, claiming he is clean and has found a job; he asks to take his sons with him, promising to return in a few months’ time. Blanche lets them go, not realizing Sonny is lying.

The three boys live with their father, who is sometimes gone for days at a time, leaving them with no food. When Sonny returns with money, he usually spends it on drugs and alcohol. The brothers resort to begging on the street, often under Sonny’s supervision, to collect money for food. When Jesse is three, he witnesses his father inject himself with heroin in the bathroom, using a syringe that Sonny told his sons is a “man-made hornet” (22).

Sonny supervises the three boys as they beg for change, but they are unsuccessful. They rummage through garbage bins but come up empty. Sonny finally takes the boys to a store and creates a distraction while the boys steal as much food as they can.

Part 1, Chapter 5 is a verse chapter in which the speaker dreams of his birth, where his father sways him back and forth lovingly—before throwing him into the trash, proclaiming, “Who the fuck needs a kid!?” (37).

Sonny leaves with all the money in the house, promising to return with food; however, he doesn’t. The three boys are hungry and attempt to eat a raw turnip and drink some of the beer in the fridge to temporarily quell their hunger.

Police arrive at the house, and the terrified boys hide in an air vent in their room, just as Sonny instructed them to do in case of an emergency. The cops break down the door, commenting on how the house is just as a neighbor described: “[d]ope and children” (43). They find and extract the hiding boys, promising to take them somewhere safe.

The three boys are taken to the Children’s Aid Society, where the other children tell them that everyone in the building are considered orphans. The brothers befriend a boy named Johnny, who was dropped off by his parents after they had a fight over affording Cheerios. Jesse relates to this, believing his father left because he and his brothers ate all the food in the house.

Over time, different children are taken away by social workers for adoption. Someone comes to take Johnny, but the brothers put up a successful fight and make a pact to stick together no matter what. However, shortly after, Johnny is forcefully taken away, and the brothers never see him again. A few weeks later, someone comes to take in all three brothers.

The three brothers are taken in by a couple named Clive and Cynthia, their nine-year-old daughter Matilda, and their dog. Jesse’s memories of the place are foggy: He remembers Jerry “fighting off the giant wolf that came into [their] room and floated over [their] beds and ripped him apart” (51). Josh and Jerry tried to protect Jesse, but the “monster” targeted him too. Eventually, a social worker from the Children’s Aid Society collects the boys, and the brothers leave the “horrible place” for good.

The three brothers are taken in by their paternal grandparents, Cyril and Jackie Thistle. Jesse later learns that his grandmother is part white, like the boys themselves; she is Algonquin and Scottish, her father from a reserve in Quebec. The Thistles live in Brampton, Toronto, an area that is clean and bright, with orderly houses; Jesse thinks it is beautiful.

Jackie, the three boys’ Grandma, announces that she needs to buy something, but her catalogues are missing. She finds them behind a toy box, with just the women’s underwear section ripped out. In the morning, Grandma wakes Jesse up. The family’s dog, Yorkie, jumps onto the bed, and there is a crunching sound underneath the sheets. Grandma finds the missing catalogue sheets in Jesse’s bed, and he confesses that he finds them beautiful, as the women remind him of his mother. Grandma hugs him.

On the first day of kindergarten, Jesse befriends his classmate, Leeroy. Together, the boys constantly attempt to escape Leeroy’s older sister, Sylvia, who routinely beats them up. One day, they have had enough and sling a wad of gum into her hair. Furious, Sylvia catches them and begins beating them, until Jesse and Leeroy signal to each other and manage to escape, running as fast they can. They become inseparable.

While Leeroy’s parents work, Leeroy stays in an after-school program with Sylvia until 4:30 p.m. every day. Leeroy hates the program, so Jesse invites him home to hang out until pick-up time. The two boys quickly get bored; eager to keep Leeroy entertained, Jesse offers him some of Grandpa’s beer.

Jesse and Leeroy share three bottles between them, which leaves them blurry-eyed and wobbly. Grandma finds the giggly boys; Jesse has wet himself, unable to make it to the bathroom. She is unable to scold them through her laughter, so she cleans them up, feeds and hydrates them, and sends them outside to walk off the alcohol.

Jesse’s friend Brian shows him a robin’s nest with three eggs in Brian’s backyard. Jesse steals the eggs and runs home but accidentally breaks them; horrified, he hides in the basement. Brian and his parents arrive at Jesse’s house, and Jesse confesses and apologizes, breaking down crying. However, he is unable to explain why he stole the eggs: Jesse was jealous of how the mother robin cared for the eggs, while he and his brothers no longer see their own mother on a daily basis. Jesse wanted to reclaim a mother’s love by stealing the eggs.

When Jesse is six, Grandpa teaches him how to use tools. Grandpa firmly believes in working hard and keeping one’s promises, and he raises the three boys accordingly. The first time Jesse uses a saw, he is terrified but follows Grandpa’s instructions and earns his praise: “Attaboy, Jess. Attaboy” (70).

Grandpa promises the three boys that he will build them a go-cart once they have all learned to use the saw. He keeps to his word, and the four of them build a go-cart together. When they are done, the boys take turns riding it around the block, with Grandpa cheering them on, yelling, “Attaboy!”

Grandma sends Jesse to the store to buy cigarettes for her, with a letter for John, the store owner. Some older boys outside the store ask Jesse to buy them cigarettes, too. While John is getting Grandma’s cigarettes, Jesse steals candy bars and stuffs them down his pants. He also asks for cigarettes for Mitch, one of the boys outside the store, and lies by saying they’re for his uncle. Jesse runs out, and John watches Jesse give Mitch the cigarettes, even as a candy bar falls down his pant leg.

When Jesse gets home, Grandma is furious; John called her about the cigarettes and stolen candy. Grandma spanks Jesse, but he lies and says that the boys threatened him into stealing and paid him in candy. She believes the lie and apologizes to Jesse, while he relishes the feeling of control and power he received from successfully shoplifting.

Jesse and his brothers routinely get into fights at school. The three brothers and Jesse’s friend Leeroy band together but don’t bully other children; they only react to getting picked on. There are multiple groups in school vying for supremacy over different parts of the schoolyard. Jesse hates going to school, as it feels like “entering a battleground full of feral gangs, chanting and scheming and beating the shit out of one another” (81).

By the time Jesse is in the second grade, his father, Sonny, has still not come home, although he was supposed to two Christmases ago. Sometimes, Sonny rings the house in the middle of the day but says nothing if anyone picks up. When Jesse picks up, he asks if he is the reason why Sonny ran away, to which Sonny’s breaths turn to whimpers.

All three brothers end up repeating the second grade. The other children claim the boys were abandoned because they are “ugly Indians who [eat] from the dump” (83). A new girl asks Jesse about his parents, and he claims to be an orphan. When she is moved to tears by this, Jesse cries too and gets made fun of. Jesse punches the boy who makes fun of him and tries to stab him with a pencil, but when he is restrained and questioned by the teacher, Jesse refuses to explain why he reacted so violently.

Sonny’s siblings and Jesse’s cousins arrive for Christmas, and the house is filled with food and laughter. Jesse imagines his father coming home and knows Grandma wishes the same. She has overprepared for Christmas ever since 1981 in hopes of this reunion.

Grandpa discusses the many police awards that Uncle Ralph, Sonny’s brother, has won and drunkenly berates Jesse for being an “asshole” like his father. Jesse notices that there are no pictures of Sonny, or Jesse and his brothers, anywhere in the house. At the end of the day, Grandma collects all the extra food and puts it in the freezer; the family eats the leftovers well into February. The Christmas tree stays up for a long time, with presents addressed to “Sonny Boy” underneath it.

Jesse, Leeroy, and some other boys routinely rummage through the garbage bins behind the convenience store. One day, they find a pornographic magazine with a woman dressed in feathers and leather buckskins. The boys laugh about her being dressed like “[Jesse’s] people.” They ask if Jesse is Cree, but he lies and says that he is Italian. The boys are skeptical, as Jesse’s brother Josh has told them otherwise. Jesse feels anger and resentment about all the unanswered questions he has about his heritage and identity.