From the Ashes: My Story of Being Métis, Homeless, and Finding My Way

Jesse starts sixth grade at a new school but is still unable to read or write well. Jesse’s friend Leeroy and Jesse’s brother Jerry are in seventh grade, and Jesse’s brother Josh is in eighth grade with Leeroy’s sister Sylvia, who now smokes and wears make-up; Jesse finds Sylvia attractive.

Jesse is beginning to notice girls. One day, while waiting to catch the bus, he sees a red-headed girl named Lucie; she is a swimmer and hangs out with the cool children at school. Jesse sees her talking to two other girls. He makes conversation with them; the other girls laugh and roll their eyes, but Lucie smiles and introduces herself to him.

Jesse skips school and goes to a mall with Leeroy and another boy named Richard. Leeroy and Richard order fries and gravy, but Jesse doesn’t have any money. He hopes the other two will share their food, but they don’t and laugh at him. An angry Jesse challenges Richard to a fight after school. As Jesse is winning the fight, Richard insults him, calling him a “dirty Indian” and claiming he will die drinking like so many from his community. Jesse notices the gathered crowd, including his friends, laughing along with Richard and realizes they all believe this of him.

When Jesse is 13, Grandpa tells him the truth about Sonny: He was caught robbing stores and taken to jail, after which the police arrived at his house and found the three brothers. Sonny was supposed to retrieve his sons once he was out of jail, but he returned to a life of drugs and alcohol. Grandpa tells Jesse that family is the most important thing and that if Jesse ever does drugs, he will disown him.

Jesse and Leeroy find a cigarette on the street and smoke it together. Jesse imagines his grandparents finding out and yelling at him, but he smokes anyway, wanting to be as “cool” as Leeroy.

Grandma is furious to find that the three boys have eaten all the good cheese, hotdogs, and cranberry juice she bought especially for Grandpa. The boys deny doing so, but Grandma is tired of them constantly stealing food and lying about it, especially since they cannot afford to buy more. She asks them to pack their bags, as she is returning them to the Children’s Aid Society.

Jesse remembers starving, the feeling that drives all three brothers to steal food and eat as much as possible. They pack their bags but don’t wait for Grandma, running away to find better homes. They cover roughly five kilometers before they turn back at night and go home, with Josh taking the blame for the missing food and running away.

Uncle Ron, Sonny’s brother, is the toughest of Sonny’s siblings. He spends months in jail but is always welcomed home by his parents—although Grandpa gives him a tough time at first. Uncle Ron is a flower delivery man, and one day, he takes Jesse with him in a red convertible Mustang. They drive around collecting money for deliveries, stopping for fries and ice cream along the way.

Uncle Ron introduces Jesse to his friends as Sonny’s son, and everyone is eager to meet Jesse and have good things to say about Sonny. On the way to one of the stops, Uncle Ron and Jesse encounter a man begging for change outside a store. Everyone else is avoiding him, but Ron puts a $20 bill in his cup. He tells Jesse that he sees Sonny in men who are unhoused.

Jesse gets an “F” in French class and is too scared to share his report card; he remembers Josh getting a lashing from Grandpa for accidentally breaking a neighbor’s window. Jesse forges Grandma’s signature on the report card, but his teacher, Mrs. R, sees through it and asks to meet him after school. Rather than yell at him, she explains that his forging is serious and asks why he did what he did. Jesse breaks down, stating she doesn’t know what it’s like to go home with a report card like this. Mrs. R rubs his back while he cries.

Jesse walks Leeroy home on a Saturday evening. On the way, they come across Ivan, a younger boy who lives down the road from Leeroy. He is from a well-off family and always has toys and sweets. Jesse suggests they steal from Ivan, as it is too dark for Ivan to recognize them. Leeroy refuses and heads home, but after Leeroy leaves, Jesse sticks a knife in Ivan’s face and mugs him. Jesse is shocked by what he has done even as Ivan runs home, crying.

The night before Christmas Eve, Grandma tells the three boys that their mother is coming to visit. Jesse is excited and nervous and prepares by dressing in his best clothes. Blanche arrives with her new husband, George, and a six-year-old boy, Daniel, whom she introduces as the boys’ younger brother.

Jesse is upset and jealous and behaves coldly toward Daniel. He remembers the last time Blanche visited, when he was 10. She gave Josh some comics, Jerry a picture that she drew for him, and Jesse a picture of her holding baby Daniel. The brothers were stunned, and Jesse wondered how their mother could start over without them. He had blocked out the memory of Daniel and didn’t have the picture anymore.

Jesse has a hard time adjusting to being a middle sibling. Throughout Blanche’s visit, he acts babyishly, trying to get his mother’s attention, but she ignores him and dotes on Daniel, while Grandma swoops in to mother him instead.

Grandpa finds Jesse a job as a produce clerk, and a proud Grandma takes him to buy expensive, formal clothes. Jesse has just started ninth grade, and girls are beginning to pay attention to him. Grandma pays for the clothes and bats Grandpa away when he inquires about her shopping; Grandpa laughs, saying, “The boy looks like a million bucks” (142).

Jesse’s social status at school is elevated on account of his job. He has his own money now to buy food, cigarettes, and beer. His grades begin to drop by the 10th grade, and he is branded a troublemaker after he steals a school stereo. Grandpa is not interested in Jesse anymore, concluding he is just like his father. By the end of the year, Jesse tries hash for the first time. Shortly after, he begins buying hash regularly, and a few months later, he has progressed to selling acid and sniffing speed in the school washroom every day before class.

Jesse’s brother Jerry, who has always been proud of being “Native,” embraces his heritage and culture even more. He takes care of his health, sings Indigenous songs to himself, and wears beads in public. He makes a necklace out of chicken bones and beads and wears it to school. Jesse, who is jealous of Jerry’s confidence, insults the necklace and calls Jerry’s behavior embarrassing.

Jesse’s friend Brian has a policeman father, Mr. T. The man calls Jesse over one day and, over tea, tells Jesse about his past as a hustler. He eventually realized the choice to live a different life was entirely his own. He found joy in basketball and the police force, and these things changed his life.

Jesse remembers Brian telling him something similar. He held out car keys in one hand and a lighter in the other and asked Jesse to choose. Irrespective of which object Jesse chose and offered an explanation for, Brian asserted that either was simply the choice he made: “[W]hen you know that you can just choose to do anything you want” (151).

Like Jerry, Josh begins to embrace his Indigenous heritage, which infuriates Jesse. One day, Jesse and Leeroy are skipping class and smoking and are surprised to see Josh exit the school; he looks like he has been crying. A teacher runs out to catch him as he collapses, and she calls an ambulance. When Jesse approaches a red-eyed Josh, the latter starts to describe a horrific vision he had of Jesse. The ambulance takes Josh away before he can complete his thought. Jesse tells Leeroy and their friends what happened, and they all laugh.

At a house party, a girl walks in with a box of blueberry muffins and offers it to the guests. Some find this odd, but Jesse is charmed and strikes up a conversation with the girl. She introduces herself as Karen, and a month later, the two are dating. Karen eventually introduces Jesse to her family, who are accepting of and interested in Jesse’s heritage. However, Jesse does not know enough about his culture to answer Karen’s father’s questions.

Jesse, Karen, and Karen’s father go canoeing together, and their canoe capsizes. Jesse finds Karen and pulls her onto the bank, only after which they look for her father. He is safe and laughing on the shore, convinced of the young couple’s love for each other that caused Karen to temporarily forget about her father.

Karen asks Jesse why he lives with his grandparents, and he opens up about his past for the first time. He is finally staying out of trouble, saving up money, and cutting back on drugs and alcohol. Jesse’s grandparents love Karen and credit her with the positive change in Jesse. Grandpa warns Jesse not to break Karen’s heart, as she is special; Jesse later wishes he had listened to Grandpa.

At 19, Jesse tells Grandpa that he wants to buy a car, but Grandpa refuses, saying Jesse is wild like his father and will kill himself driving drunk. Angry and insulted, Jesse begins to splurge his savings to get back at Grandpa. He drinks, smokes, and uses drugs in excess, rebuffing Karen’s suggestion that he save up for college. In a couple of months, he exhausts his savings, using the last of it to party with Leeroy. While high on ecstasy, Jesse has a vision of himself dancing alone on some plains, dressed in plumes, beads, and deerskins like his ancestors. When he finally comes down from the high, he discovers that he has been dancing for two days straight; his jacket, money, and drug stash are all missing.

A woman named Sue turns up at Jesse’s work and gives him her number, asking him to call. He doesn’t, but some weeks later, he runs into her at a house party. He gets high at the party, and he and Sue sleep together. Jesse is ashamed by what he has done and calls Karen to break up with her, leaving her devastated.

Later that day, Grandma discovers a bag of coke in Jesse’s hoodie pocket and immediately tells Grandpa. Grandpa throws him out of the house, yelling that Jesse is just like Sonny. Jesse remembers leaving home that night, losing his job a week later, and heading out west, asking Josh if he can crash with him: “The rest is a blur” (172).